Weaver of Shadows
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Something is wrong
with the way I think
with the ways I act
with the ways I feel.
Something is wrong
with what I want
with what I hate
with who I am
Something is wrong
with how I hate
with what I wish
with what I enjoy
Many things are wrong
with the person I am.
How can I ever
be accepted if the person
who knows me best
hates me most
how can I let others
see who I really am?
I can be “myself”
when I’m around certain people.
I can be another “myself”
around others.
There are so many
of these versions of me
which one is me
are all of them?
Are none of them?
Have I killed the real me
strangling him with
the chains and expectations
and dreams and hopes
and tearing him apart
forcing him to be
what I think other people want.
I think I have
I think I’ve killed him.
But he’s still here
a ghost in my head
that only I can hear
he tells me truth
and that truth hurts
so much, it makes me
want things I shouldn’t
be wanting.
SpoilerToday has been an interesting day to say the least. I can feel my anxiety, shoved down by so much other stuff but threatening to spill out. It makes me sick, like physically sick. I would not be surprised if tomorrow I get really sick. It happens when I get too stressed, and today was one of those days.
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Sorry I'm so late.
It's okay not to know who you are. It's okay to take it slowly and figure it out along the way. You are, as Wit said, a child of God, as well as a disciple of Christ and a child of the covenant. And beyond that, it'll take work and tears and mistakes to figure out, and that's okay. I wish I could do more. I know it hurts, and I'll keep you in my prayers.
