Through the Living Hope

I don't know but I've been told

The rebels need to be controlled

We'll round them up and put 'em all in stocks

But first we've gotta get Darth Vader socks

It's so not fair!

I mean, why am I still on sock detail when Gladys from Accounting got promoted and she doesn't even know how to hold a blaster? No, I mean, really, she failed that part of the exam four times. She held it backwards and upside down. But no, she's a second cousin of some mid-level Darth, and so she gets a promotion? What about me? If they would just open up their eyes, they'd see that I've got everything it takes, I could be the stormiest stormtrooper evaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

Imagine if Mistborn wore flip flops instead of going barefoot. They don't have any metal in them.

• Kelsier falls from the sky in hot pink flip flops
• The skaa cower in fear as the mists close in for the night, whispering about mistborn and mistwraiths. They jump in shock and panic as the sudden ominous sound echoes from their rooftop..... whap whap whap whap whap whap whap

This is what your favorite original trilogy Mistborn character says about you.

Kelsier: You're choosing the safest option. Maybe a little bit overrated, but it's still a good one.

OreSeur: OKAY! WE GET IT! YOU LIKE THIS ONE!

Elend: This may not be everyone's favorite, but it's yours, and you're totally chill about it.

Ham: You're into the classics.

Tindwyl: You're old.

Clubs: You're really old.

Lord Renoux: Your social security number is 2.

TenSoon: You are one pretentious hipster.

Reen: Officer, it's this one. Right here.

Sazed: Oh, you're cool. I like you.

Zane: No way - you actually know that one? Can we be friends?!

Alendi: This one's just a phase, you'll grow out of it when you grow up.

Breeze: You will NEVER grow up.

Marsh: Oh, you picked this one to be different, how clever.

Lord Ruler: If you chose this one, you are a liar. This is no one's favorite.

Spook: If you chose this one, you are correct. This is the best one.

And for those of you in the comments saying "Where's this one? Where's that one?"

You're annoying.

Hope y'all had a great week, and hope you have a good end to the school year!

Anyways here's an AI generated photo of Chris Pratt playing soccer at a volcano while wearing a NASCAR suit

So some of you may have seen from my comments on others' updates (especially Insa's) my posting Bible verses or things relating to Christianity. I understand that some of you may not agree with my beliefs. But I want to give my testimony so you all know why I can be so sure that this is true. And once I've told my story, I'll tell what I want to move on to next, and how I know it's going to happen.

Growing up, I mentally acknowledged God. My dad was raised Catholic, and my mom was non-denominational. For my second birthday (at least I think that was the one), I got the Beginner's Bible from my grandma. So on some level I've always known God.

But my family didn't go to church. Both my parent's work schedules were crazy and we never got plugged in to a church. It was also rarely talked about, so we didn't make much progress.

In January 2020, one of my grandparents had a heart attack. Fortunately, my grandparent survived. That really sparked my parents' desire to find a church. 

And then, March 2020! We all know what happened then. My mom's work closed so she was home more. That got rid of our excuse to not be looking for a church.

Near the end of December 2019, there was a shooter at a church in Texas. The shooter was taken down by armed members of that church's congregation. That story was connected to a church in my town. 

So for two weeks, we watched a livestream that the church in my town did (this isn't the actual name of the church, but for simplicity's sake let's call it Home Church). The second livestream we watched, the pastor made an announcement that Home Church did drive-in services on Sundays (you stayed in your vehicle in the church parking lot and tuned in to a local radio station that he was preaching on). From then on, we started to do the drive-ins.

On Easter that year, it was really gloomy and rainy. It would have been completely understandable for the pastor do not do a drive-in service that week and just do a livestream. But that's not what happened.

He preached out of the back of a U-Haul trailer. That's how we knew... this is where we need to be.

Once everything opened back up in our town, we started attending the services in person. And it was either June 14 or June 21 that I made the decision to surrender everything to Christ. I was baptized on a youth group retreat in July that focused on loving others.

Within a few months, we were plugged in serving in Home Church. My mom was a greeter. My dad served on the worship team and in the sound booth. I served in the nursery and eventually started helping in children's church as well.

Spring break, March 2021. My youth group went on the first retreat of that year. The retreat was focused on redefining Christianity from a religious checklist to a relationship with God. One of the nights of the retreat we were in a time of prayer. I was kneeling on the ground when I suddenly felt a wind come rushing into my chest. And you could say "Oh, it was just the AC that you were feeling!" If it was air conditioning, I would have felt it in my whole body. A wind came from above and flowed into my chest, and only my chest. I told the youth pastor's wife about the experience once the prayer time was thinning out. She got the youth pastor, and then and there we prayed for me to receive the gift of the baptism of the Holy Spirit. And I know that He came.

A few months later (either June or July), the youth group went on another retreat, this one focused on us being multiple members of one body. On the last day of that retreat, we were in another time of prayer. This was the first time I ever prayed in tongues. I hadn't before because I was overthinking. I like being able to understand things, and this was something I couldn't understand. I finally stopped trying to understand and just released my unknown language.

Now we're going to go back a little bit. In late March, early April 2021, Home Church had a guest speaker from Nigeria. On the last day the speaker was here, I came to a realization.

At that time, I had been nearsighted for about six years. And on the last day the guest speaker was there, I realized... Jesus never healed blurred eyes. He healed blind ones.

Let me make this analogy: cancer has multiple stages, from one to four, with four being the worst. What if eyesight was the same? What if there were varying levels of blindness - nearsightedness, farsightedness, both of the two, and actual blindness?

So I decided I was seeking for the Lord to restore my eyesight to perfect 20/20 vision.

And I can tell, over the past however long it's been since then, I can tell my eyesight has improved a bit. My glasses started to overcorrect a little (which is why I stopped wearing contacts). But it's just been little by little.

Every now and then, I started to hear little whispers from the enemy in my mind. "It's not going to happen. Just stop seeking." And then, this next one requires a bit of explanation. I wholeheartedly believe that we are living in the final moments of the Last Days before the Rapture, the catching up of God's people into heaven, when millions of true believers will disappear in the blink of an eye. So one of the whispers I sometimes heard was "We're already so close to the end. Why would God heal your eyes when we're already this close? Just wait until you get to heaven."

But. My mother was born half deaf, and Jesus opened her ear. My dad had suffered from acid reflux for years, and he had been delivered from that. Not to mention all the testimonies I've heard from guest speakers around the world, which I can list at the end of my testimony. Whenever I hear that second whisper, I think, "If we're so close to the end, then why do other people get their healings and miracles? I will have restored vision, so get thee behind me, Satan - you have no power over me."

And that's the basics of it. If you want to get plugged in to "Home Church", you are all welcome to message me privately and ask anything, and I will answer to the best of my ability. And now, as I promised, here is just a handful of the testimonies I have heard from others, including my mom's healing:

• An old woman had to have some of her stomach removed in a surgery, and she was told she'd never eat again. She came to a certain evangelist's meeting, and he prayed for her healing. Afterwards, he asked her "If you could eat anything, what would you eat?" and she told him "Oh, I always told myself if I could ever eat again, I'd eat a Mc-Donald's cheeseburger!" So he gave her cash and told her to get McDonald's. Her family started to panic, saying she couldn't eat. The evangelist essentially waved them off. He says that later, though, he thought, "Crap! I just told a woman who can't eat to get McDonald's! You should even eat that when you're healthy!" He now has a picture of that woman with a big smile on her face and a Big Mac in her hands. She was perfectly fine.
• A woman was imprisoned in the Philippines. Sometimes when she spoke, her voice was that of someone else. Even with her arms bound, she woke up with scratches and different sized bite-marks all over her body An evangelist saw it in a news headline and felt God tell him, "If you don't go and help her, no one will." He went and prayed for this woman, and it sparked a huge revival in the Philippines.
• A young man who grew up in the church saw a lot of hypocrisy in the church and at age 14, said "F God, F Christians". He turned to a life of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. He even toured the Tri-State Area as the drummer in a band, and almost signed on with a record company. He should have died multiple times, but he didn't. He dabbled in witchcraft, Islam, whatever he could. Eventually he decided to try to disprove the existence of God. But to do that, he had to "do what the Christians do". So he joined up with a group called Youth With A Mission (YWAM) and trained there. He hated almost everyone there. But as time passed, he came to realize that God did exist, and that the representatives for God that had been in his life were just terrible ambassadors for God. That man is now my youth pastor, and I would trust him with my life.
• A woman was born deaf in one ear. The issue was behind her eardrum, so there was nothing that could be done by the medical world that could fix it. When she was around 40 years old, the pastor of her church called up anyone who wanted a healing. She had heard testimonies of three other people who had had their ears healed, and she decided it was her turn, so she went up. He stuck his finger in her ear and told it to open. She jumped. She continued to test the hearing in her ear after the service had ended. And she could hear. She broke down and began to cry. And I use my mom's story to insure myself that mine will come in time, too.

So you know how sometimes when you're on the couch you need to stretch your legs but you don't want to get up?

Yeah so a few days ago I had one of those moments so I stretched my legs.

And while I was doing it it felt really good. It was nice.

And my right leg suddenly had searing pain.

I don't know if I went too far or too long or both or something else.

But I had to ask my brother to get me an ice pack.

I started wondering how labor felt.

It was bad.

I got up to go to the bathroom a while later.

I limped.

So I'm in science rn and at the front of the room is a cardboard box. On the box it says

"Phone Jail

(Mostly 2nd period)

(And Mara)"

I want to know what Mara did to invoke the wrath of the science teacher...

The 6 stages of performing in a group

1. Okay, I'm so excited! Let's do this!

2. I'M GOING TO MESS UP AND EVERYONE IS GOING TO NOTICE AND I'M GOING TO DIE UP THERE AAAA-

3. (after the first song) Alright, this is going well.

4. (before the last song) Just wait till they see the finale! This is gonna be awesome!

5. (after playing the last note) HECK YEAH BABY LET'S FREAKIN' GOOOOOOOOOOOO!

6. (five minutes later) how exactly does one stay awakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Based on a meme I saw on Pinterest. @The Bookwyrm

Person 1: "Why are there ten loud saxophone players outside? This isn't even a metaphor they're actually out there."

Person 1: "I JUST PASSED THREE PEOPLE WITH TUBAS?????"

Person 2: "Please consider: marching band."

Person 1: "See here's the thing, that WOULD make sense, except I'm at the gym?????"

Person 3: "Marching band wants to work out. Upgrade to running band."

Person 1: "I'm dying just imagining someone violently playing the clarinet while sprinting after me."

@The Bookwyrm again, also @InfiniteInsanity and @ExoticAlmond

"Albuquerque" by Weird Al

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop (you know the place) - well, anyway, back then, life was going swell and everything was juuust PEACHY. Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning, my mother would make me a big ole bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast. Dawww - big bowl of sauerkraut! Every single morning! It was driving me crazy! I said to my mom, I said, "Hey, Mom! What's up with all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear sweet mother, she just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train, and she leaned right down next to me, and she said, *gasp* "IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!!!!"

And then she tied me to a wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth and force fed me nothing but sauerkraut till I was 26 and a half years old. That's when I swore that someday, someday I would get out of that basement and travel to a magical, far away place where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer, and the towels are oh so fluffy! - where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long and anyone on the street would gladly shave your back for a nickle!

Wacka wacka doo doo, yeah!

Well, let me tell you people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true, because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest to see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt. I was off by three- but I still won the grand prize! That's right a first class, one way ticket-

To AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE!

Oh yeah. You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before, and I gotta tell ya, it was really great... Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor, and the little kid in back of me kept throwing up the whole time, and the flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts, and the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly shore

And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out and we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
and the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody DIED! Except for me. You know why? 'Cause I had my tray table up and my seat back in the full upright position. Had my tray table up and my seat back in the full upright position. Had my tray table up and my seat back in the full upright position

Ah ha ha ha, ah ha ha, ah

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage. I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days, draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag and my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball and my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel, but finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn, where the towels are oh so fluffy! And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna.
It's OK, they're clean!

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C and I turned on the SpectraVision and I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow that I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door. Well now, who could that be? I say "Who is it?" No answer. "Who is it?" There's no answer! "WHO IS IT?!"
They're not sayin' anything. So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected, it's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril. Oh man, I hate it when I'm right. So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel, and I'm like "Hey, you can't have that! That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!" And he's like, "Tough." And I'm like, "Give it!" And he's like "Make me." And I'm like "...'Kay." So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus and I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows and I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation yes indeed, you better believe it! *gasp* And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook, and twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice. And you know what it said? I'll tell you what it said!

It said, "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help, hang up and then dial your oooooooo~perator!" "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help, hang up and then dial your oooooooo~perator!"

In AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE!

Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel. But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest, I would not sleep for an instant, until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice. But first, I decided to buy some donuts. So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop and I walked on up to the guy behind the counter and he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"
I said "You got any glazed donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts"
I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts"
I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts"
I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?"
He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls"
I said "You got any apple fritters?"
He said "No, we're outta apple fritters"
I said "You got any bear claws?"
He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"

"No, we're outta bear claws"
I said "Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?"
He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"
I said "OK, I'll take that"

So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out and they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over! (rabid gnawing sounds) Oh man, they were just going nuts! They were tearin' me apart! You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin' through my head.I believe it went a little something like this . . .

"DAH! GET 'EM OFF ME! GET 'EM OFF ME! OH! NO, GET 'EM OFF! GET 'EM OFF! OH, OH GOSH, OH GOSH! GET 'EM OFF ME! OH, OH GOSH! AAAAAH! (more screaming)"

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin' like a constipated wiener dog. And as luck would have it, that's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams. Her name was Zelda. She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches.I'll never forget the first thing she said to me; she said "Hey, you've got weasels on your face."

That's when I knew it was true love! We were inseparable after that. Aw, we ate together, we bathed together, we even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss! The world was our burrito. So we got married and we bought us a house and had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly! Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah.

But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me, she said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?"
I said "Woah, hold on now, baby, I'm just not ready for that kinda commitment!" So we broke up and I never saw her again but that's just the way things go

In AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE!

Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me, because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream.
That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler! I even made employee of the month after I put that grease fire out with my face! Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that. I was gettin' a lot of attitude! OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil when I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself. So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes "No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw"

So I did

And then he gets all indignant on me! He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!" Well, that's just great,
how was I supposed to know that?!I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud! Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy! So what's he complaining about?!?!

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote. This guy comes up to me on the street and says he hasn't had a bite in three days. Well, I knew what he meant, but just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein. And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over and I'm like "Hey, come on, don't you get it?" But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming (screaming sounds), you know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation.Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um...  um... where was I?
... Kinda lost my train of thought

Uh... well, uh, OK
Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it, but I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is...

I!

HATE!

SAUERKRAUT!

That's all I'm really tryin' to say. And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up and find yourself in an existential quandary full of loathing and self-doubt and wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence, at least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours...
There's still a little place

Called AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE!
AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE!
AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE!
AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE!
AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE!

I said "A"! (A!) "L!" (L!) "B!" (B!) "U!" (U!) ......... "QUERQUE!!" (QUERQUE!!"
(epic guitar solo)

AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! 

AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! 

AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! 

AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAALBUQUERQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Apart from being nonsensical, all of these phrases have one thing in common. What is it?

I, man, am regal - a German am I

Never odd or even

If I had a Hi-Fi

Madam, I'm Adam

Too hot to hoot

No lemons, no melon

Too bad I hid a boot

Lisa Bonet ate no basil

Warsaw was raw

Was it a car or a cat I saw?

Rise to vote, sir

Do geese see God?

"Do nine men interpret?" "Nine men," I nod

Rats live on no evil star

Won't lovers revolt now?

Race fast, safe car

Pa's a sap

Ma is as selfless as I am

May a moody baby doom a yam?

Ah, Satan sees Natasha

No devil lived on

Lonely tylenol

Not a banana baton

No x in nixon

O, stone, be not so

O Geronimo, no minor ego

"Naomi" I moan

A Toyota's a Toyota

A dog, a panic in a pagoda

Oh no! Don ho!

Nurse, I spy gypsies - run!

Senile felines

Now I see bees I won

UFO tofu

We panic in a pew

Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo

God! A red nugget! A fat egg under a dog!

Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog