Telrao

Within Me

My body is taut with emotions.
Colours flash across my vision,
Roiling red and yellow, orange and violet.
Thoughts snap at each other like hounds
Chasing each other around my brain.
I fight to control them, to chain them

But they slip away, screaming, howling,
Fighting a war inside my mind.
When will they stop? Stop clawing at my brain?
I can feel a pressure building in my temples.
I press my hands to the sides of my head
But it does not help.

A soft voice asks if I’m okay,
A different one screams anger and fury.
So many voices, so many emotions
So many impressions, crowding together.
It’s getting harder to breathe.
Nothing is helping.

One part of me screams to run
Another to face it and fight.
The two sides quarrel and argue
Push and shove, yell and shout,
As I stand there, frozen.
This does not help at all.

I open my mouth to plead
Scream, shout, whisper, anything
But no noise emerges but a croak.
A drop in the sea of words,
An incoherent murmur I cannot understand.
It… it doesn’t… help…

The voices reach their climax
A deafening cacophony of chaos
A whirlwind of impressions,
memories and thoughts and colours
Howling for my attention.
Inside, I scream with them.

“Listen! Why don’t you listen?
Speak! Speak up! We can’t hear you!
Why don’t you run! Flee! Flee!
Fool, stand and fight! You are a woman!
Grow up and stop blubbering!”
This. Does. Not. Help.

Then, just like that, all is silent.
I strain my ears, blink,
And breathe a ragged breath.
In the silence, I hear a whisper
A voice different from all the others.
“Hold on,” It hums, “You’ll be okay.”

I take another breath
Feeling a warm, peaceful glow from that voice
The warmth grows, flowing throughout my body,
Washing away the stress, the anger, the doubt
And I feel a strength, if faint, fill my soul.
A peace beyond understanding, glimmering
Softly, a hopeful murmur

Within me.