Telrao

Do you ever have those days when fear seems to crush you, every expectation pull you down, and every smile made seems a lie?

Those days, when the light is darkest, I feel doubt seep into my mind like a malignant disease.

Nobody loves you, it whispers, nobody would truly want to be your friend - they only put up with you because they feel bad for you. You're not worthy, you're a sorry, worthless excuse for a human being.

Why don't you just give up?

In those days, I can swear that the doubt, the fear, is like an oppressive presence, like a large constrictive hand tightening around my mind, bruising the happiness, the joy, the simple wonder and beauty of the world itself. Disrupting the fragile peace.

Those days, it is difficult to pull myself in. To be myself. The voices whisper that I am a lie - the very person I convey myself to be, whom others see as me - is a falsehood. A fabrication made to draw attention, to take and never to give.

Those days, my heart is heavy, its difficult to smile. A mind that was so full of light and joy yesterday becomes  like a burned-out candle - used, tossed aside.

Worthless.

But then I remember; I am loved. I am not alone. I live in a complete, joyful family, with friends that will support me and smile when I can't. I live in a warm house, with nutritious food, and wonderful nature outside. I remember that I love loved, and that I am able to do whatever the Lord directs me to do.

The voices are still there - the fear and pain are as sharp as a dagger - and I may still feel alone and afraid, the colours dimmed, the world less vibrant.

Yes, on those dark days when I can hardly sing songs in church with conviction, when simply smiling is an effort, I remember.

I am loved. What is a more wonderful thing than that?

Thanks for comin' to ma TED Talk, Humans. I think y'all are amazing people - it has been and will be a joy interacting with you all!

'Til next time!

~ Telrao :3

PS: Have a small round cake! *Throws muffins*