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Everything posted by Argenti
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I hate to say I told you so. I hate to say it wasn’t unexpected.
Fate, even.
Dreaming of tomorrow only works when you know tomorrow will come. Dreaming of a future only works when you know there will be a future.
I'm scared of the next step.
Paralyzed by myself.
Dragging me down. Drowning me.
The hate and fear rots.
From the funeral to the wedding.
It consumes me.
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I finally got around to watching K-Pop demon hunters, and yeah, the saja boys woulda have worked on me.
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I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I really don't know what to do. (TW: Depression, Self-Harm.)
SpoilerSo a few months back, a foster kid moved into my school. Let's call him jack.
He got the tour, and I introduced myself, talked with him a bit, and whenever I had some free time, I sat with him a bit. Yk, make the transition a bit easier by keeping him company. On occasion, I go out with him to the mall or something.
But like.... I don't actually like spending time with him that much? He's just an odd guy, and not really the kind of person I'm looking for in a friend. I just wanted to help him get used to the new school, not become his best friend in the whole world. I'm not that kinda guy who's great at providing real support. Jack is a... troubled kid. Not surprising, given that he's in the foster system, but he has depression and anxiety and god knows what else.SO yesterday, right before I went to the gym, he called me, crying, saying he's going to run away, and if he can't, he's going to kill himself. Apparently, I'm the only person he can trust, not his fosterworker, foster parents, or anyone else. Just...me. He asked for somewhere to stay for the night, which is not something I'm comfortable with (None of my friends have slept over at my house in like 10 years.), but what am I supposed to say? "Yeah jack just kill yourself."
Of course, I can't say that. So I deflected and we talked for a bit, and I think I talked him off the ledge. He wasn't sobbing by the time we got off the call. Which was good. I hope. So I talked to my parents, and I offered to have like a sleepover or something Today. Maybe give him space from his parents?
I'm not the kind of person with a lot of emotional fortitude, and frankly I'm just not equipped to help him. But what can I do? Betray his trust? Break the law? If he runs away, his life is over. He doesn't have a job, a car, or a license, or anything really. So do I tell the school counselors? Make sure he gets help? But... he doesn't trust them, like he told me.
I'm pretty sure he's made attempts on his own life before. I'm terrified that if I do "betray" him, he'll do it again, succeed, and I'll go about knowing I killed him. I don't think I can go through that. I struggle with my own self-worth and depression enough as is, and knowing that the kid killed himself because you weren't strong enough isn't going to help.I wish I were a worse person and never spoke to him. I wish I were a better person and could help him myself.
I don't know what to do.
My parents are going to try to get some info out of him, then relay that to the school counselors. I can't stop them. Maybe that's good. My dad keeps reminding me it's not my job to help, but it kinda is. I'm the only person there for him, and I don't even care about him that much.
I feel like an awful person. I feel like I've lied to him for months, pretending to be his friend. No matter what I do next, it's going to be bad.
Thoughts? Ideas? Words of comfort? Anything will be nice.

