king007

An other matter I'd like your advice on: I wrote something that I think is cool to describe someone in the moments between life and death. As if time stops and he sees the incoming danger but his mind is busy remembering or thinking of something else. I'd like to know if you agree that it sounds cool or not lol or if it's a bit excessive in its usage of words. Bare in mind that these are just intended as the first lines. Is this a good foundation to build upon the rest? "I breathed, and breath came in. I looked, and my eyes beheld. They saw not what was in front, they saw instead what lied beyond. I stared, but stare I did not. For to that end, one should have a choice, and time should have a voice."

I'd like to stay away from time travel, because it brings with it all sorts of trouble haha But, it's like you said, the thought that the author might be an alien has indeed crossed my mind. It could make a nice twist to the story. But so far I haven't really thought much about it; I just played a bit with the concept and premise.

The idea seems a bit generic to me, but it can be very appealing if the characters are well written and the execution is top-notch. Well, the MC is a military officer so he should have the set of skills required to investigate and fight on his own, and since he's military he should feel a moral obligation to save his country and therefore the world. As for the novel, I'm thinking it shouldn't be well known but rather buried on some website on the net and the MC is just a big fan of sci-fi so he happened to stumble upon it and liked it. The author wrote the alien invasion and some of it is already happening so he must have some kind of insight on how they're going to pull it off or he has some inside contact within the alien ranks. That is very important to know if they plan on saving humanity. Not to mention that the novel is not complete so they need him to know the rest. Does that answer the questions?

Hello guys, I found an interesting writing prompt in the WX website: "Somebody wrote a novel about an alien invasion. One year later the aliens invade exactly per the details in the novel." I quite liked it so I expanded on it a bit and had an idea for a novel. I thought I might share it with you guys and see what you think: A military officer finds early indications of an upcoming alien invasion as described in a sci-fi novel but the novel is incomplete. He’s convinced that danger is imminent and goes to warn the higher-ups about the issue. They ignore his warnings and he becomes the laughingstock of the army. He takes it upon himself to investigate what’s happening and prevent the invasion. He looks for the author of the novel but he only finds his daughter. It turns out that the author has been absent for a while now. They both search for him in hope that he has the key to save humanity. Along the way, they encounter many hardships that will bring them together and unravel a few mysteries.

Oh, it works my friend. It works really well. Nice story. I liked it very much. I was having trouble finding the pleasure to read these days due to several matters, but I just sliced through your story pretty easily and with great enjoyment!

Thanks guys, you're all great! I really appreciate your help.

Thank you rdpulfer, and thank you Robinski for the awesome feedback. I've come to understand that more details are indeed missing along with other showy stuff. I hope I'll do a better job for the next part! I'm still insecure about my writing lol I guess it's the non-native-speaker syndrome, how close or far am I from the fluency of a good writer? Do you see some improvements compared to my previous pieces? Be honest now

By smooth I mean you don't repeat sentences twice in order to grasp the meaning, you just understand it on the first glance and it invites you to read further. And that also includes not having grammar errors or anything that takes away your attention from the actual content.

Going back, I can now notice some telling there. But it's not that prevalent to my eyes. Could you possibly cite a few examples to give me a concrete understanding? I should grow to notice these things sooner than later. I also looked into the internet earlier and saw that I could report thoughts very close to how they are right now but without using italics because they have a distancing effect on the reader. So, I think I should do that with some thoughts. To answer your question Eisenheim, the character is a teen, but the cave is a real taboo in his town so that's why they're sneaking like kids. I think I should make that clearer, because indeed it's not that clear now. And how about the writing? Was it smooth? Any comments?

Both of you pointed out that I should show not tell. I thought I was showing, so I'm now confused. May be I didn't grasp the meaning of showing like I should. Instead of saying the character felt sad or troubled, I tried to describe how his body reacted (heart beating, hands shaking, mind stopping) and give the reader a glimpse of what's going on in the character's mind so he could see the progression of his thoughts and relate to him. I thought that was showing and not telling. And I don't understand how it's not really. Can you please elaborate? I also used a lot of brief sentences and repeated words to increase the tension. @Mandamon, for your correction ""But deep down I knew despair." , I don't think that's how humans think and describe what happened to them, mind you this is someone who's had a traumatic experience so of course he's going to repeat sentences to emphasize on his feelings. I thought it had a dramatic effect honestly, and that's how a lot of movies do it, so I don't quite see your point. I just stated how I thought when writing this piece, I'd appreciate it if you showed me the right from wrong.

Thank you for the input. Any thoughts on the writing?

This is a short story, and due to my laziness, I'll have to submit it in 2 parts. I have a good feeling about this submission, but I'm eager to know if anyone has a different opinion. I need that criticism! Enjoy reading

I'd bet this whole procrastination issue would disappear if I start getting paid for I write lol And they mentioned this in the first season of WE: Money changes everything haha

I look forward to read your submission. With 7,500 words, I can understand how one would be reluctant. But, my story is a measly 2,000 words and I'm still procrastinating. *facepalm* I was not aware of this website. I took a look and it seems wonderful! Are all the offers vouched for their integrity or it's anyone can post an offer?

It did make its way indeed

That's great! Congrats! What gives you doubt in your self? I actually think you're a great writer, as evidenced by that awesome first chapter you submitted. And even the writing problems that surfaced in the second chapter are obviously due to lack of proper effort. Honestly, I think you show a great potential to become a published author. You only need to keep going.

That's the thing, I have absolutely no problem with the story or with the writing. I'm just having difficulty focusing and actually producing. And I'm already starting to get bored with this story because it dragged for too long. I thought about submitting the parts that are already edited, and have your thoughts about the writing. But, I'm afraid that if I submit it then I won't get back to finish it, and just start something new. Also, the story is kinda horror/thriller, so it's not really cool to share it uncompleted. I'll just have to complete it tomorrow. I can't leave it to go on forever. How long have you been struggling with your story, Robinski? How many edited words have you written so far?

I'm having trouble completing the short story I'm writing. I should have finished a week ago already, but I kept either procrastinating or staring at the computer for long amounts of time and only producing few lines and that's it. I already have the "plot" figured out. I don't have a trouble with writing itself, but I can only stay focused for short periods of time. And it's such a shame as well because I think my progress so far is pretty good. But I can't seem to finish the remaining third of the story, even though I have already written the first draft. I hope I finish it tomorrow. And even though I love what I wrote so far, I can't wait to get rid of it and move on to something else.

I noticed that, in the recent period, we had some nice conversations in the threads "who are you?" and "submission dates." I, myself, had the urge to vent off some frustration about my current work but couldn't find any appropriate place for that, and I didn't want to start a whole thread just to talk about myself. I would think that I am not alone in this matter. Members of Reading Excuses can chat here about writing and other stuff. You're having trouble with your project? Post something here. You found an excellent way to improve your writing? Here is the place for you. You want to ask a question of your beloved RE compatriots? Please, be my guest. You have something to say but you don't think it deserves a whole thread? I hug you, you hug me. If any of the above stuff made any sense, this thread would stay alive. Otherwise, if I'm the only one here who needs a hug and other things, then it will just die off by itself.

Seeing that the guys have already elaborated so much, I'll just state my three major concerns: - Huge paragraphs. - You plunged us into a fight we have no attachment to, so I didn't care who won or lost and didn't really relate to Andrinal's wish of death. - Elias (which is very close to my name Elyes) coming out of no where with no prior introduction and just before the story ended felt too sudden and abrupt to me.

Even so, I think I ought to be more careful, otherwise it might feel too personal for the other party and that could ruin their motivation or possibly even ruin the general friendly mood of this writing group. Other than that, I noticed someone talking about text-to-speech software in this subject. I just made their discovery a few days ago, and I'm already using one. I find them very helpful, especially for a non-native speaker like me, to hear the text and see if it really flows well. And it also helps me decide where to put the commas and periods, because the tone of the speaker changes accordingly in the software.

Thank you, that's good to know.

I want a part in next week's submissions please.

I didn't realize this thread existed, otherwise I'd have already posted, because I love talking about myself. Well, aside from my profile info and introduction my real name is Elyes (Tell me if you don't know how to pronounce that) and I'm an engineering student. I have recently come to love reading and writing, and I'm actually thinking about ditching my engineering studies (which I really hate) and instead majoring in English (if the system ever lets me). I aspire to be a published author, and I think I'm on the right path for the moment. I don't know if you've noticed this about me (or maybe I'm just too self-aware), but I tend to sound like a rude person when I'm giving critiques. Perhaps because I express my impressions and feelings too freely. I think I need to work on that and polish the way I say things in the future. Sorry if I hurt anybody's feelings. But, please do just that when you're critiquing me. Be brutal about it. Personally, I like to hear the raw and unpolished impressions of the readers. I haven't read much, but my favorite book (other than Brandon Sanderson) is The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho.

My impressions after reading your submission: All the way to the first part of the second chapter, I was bored. It felt too slow for my taste. The remaining part, I was confused. Most of the time I neither knew what was happening nor was I inclined to focus and discern what was going on. Your writing is mostly clean. And you're still doing a good job on the childish tone, but it gets irritating some times. Why did the boy have to go with Trahaearn if it was dangerous? Couldn't he have stayed with Joanna? Also, did Joanna slip on purpose into the violin or was that an accident? If it was an accident, why couldn't she simply slip out? Overall, I was not satisfied with this submission. Keep writing and good luck on your next ones.