ACharles78

Hey Kate, I think this is an interesting story and can see some interesting conflicts between sisters/heirs to the throne. I don’t want to say too much now (in fear you’ll do what I do too much of; self-editing) but I really did enjoy the story thus far. There were a few kinks in the dialogue that I think could have been smoothed out (such as the over formality), but you can analyze that stuff later. Personally for me, I must say the biggest thing is establishing Alena. I didn't necessarily feel like I could identify with Alena, if she is to be the eponymous protagonist. I think the main reason is that I didn't see any vulnerability to her character. She seems too commanding and too competent at what she does (there is nothing wrong with these attributes in a character) but I couldn't find any flaws in her that I could immediately grasp and say, 'yes, I'm rooting for this character.' My suggestion is that maybe you really show her closeness with her dead father, show her feeling remorseful of his death, and show Alena with a closeness that say, Meredith just doesn't have. And maybe this is why Meredith is envious of Alena. I kinda wish you did include chapter 2 because I wanted to see where the next chapter would pick up. I personally thought it would interesting to jump all the way up to the point in which Meredith has had the child and starting us in Alena’s shoes (at the low point of having Meredith’s son steal her thunder) and seeing how she will try and take back what she believes to be hers. It might render chapter 1 as a prologue, not that that really matters. In terms of conflict, I think there is a variety of interesting things you can do with a plot like this and I can’t wait to see what else you’ve got in store for the reader . An intriguing read. Thanks! Austin,

Thanks Joe. I have a strong feeling I will.

Thanks Silk. Just sent the PM.

Hey guys, I just joined the site today (I left a greetings thread). I wanted to get involved with the whole process as soon as possible. I'm actually in the herculean task of revising my 170 something thousand page fantasy book (and it's just the first one!). I'm in the process of that 2nd and crucial rewrite and would love some feedback. I'm actually looking forward to critiquing other peoples as I think it would give me a much needed break from my own story for the millionth time. I guess this is the part where we exchange emails?? -Thanks

Hey guys, I'm new to this site and I just learned about it when I listened to the episode of writing excuses where Brandon mentioned the reading excuses group. Just thought I'd show that I exist (I type therefore I'am and just wanted to say hey. I'm part of Mr.Sanderson's ever expanding group of newly converted. I've heard about him for awhile now and I just finished the first Mistborn novel of his the other week. One of the best books I've read in a long time. The main reason why I wanted to join was because I'm an aspiring novelist myself and I wanted to take Brandon's advice on getting involved with a writing group. I'm both eager to hear of what you all have written and how your fairing with your novels (that is, those of you who also have a novel their working on)and help with critiquing. I'm a writer and art major so I can say I'm experienced with both receiving and giving good ole fashion constructive criticism. So yea, that's about it. Hope to hear from you guys in the future. Best wishes