Shrike76

When you can't tell if your description is too difficult or if nobody's reading Movie roughly two decades old...

It worked for Mulder and Scully...

Since I didn't mention it in my comments, I had no problem with that. As soon as I read the first two lines I knew what you were doing with regards to the quantum states of this person's life. It's definitely something that can give non-SF or non-sciency readers a hard time, but I think it's fine for the thing you're submitting to, since it's part of the established vocabulary of the genre.

Ha! No, the dead guy isn't Jesus. The dead guy is an American.

Nobody? It's a movie.

That movie was at the same time amazing and a complete and total bummer. I think part of why I didn't clue into it first was that part of me has repressed the memory, because every time I remember the movie I spend the day sad. So... thanks for that New description: A girl repairs her relationship with her drug-addicted mother, with a bit of help from some dead guy who keeps interfering in people's lives.

Pan's Labyrinth?

The Chronicles of Narnia?

Done

General notes: Chapter 13: I really like Irving's characterization here. His thoughts about Sean, and his use of his wife as a shield, all this tells us about how he thinks in a way I don't think we've seen before. Also, a great chapter for putting pieces into play for future action. This chapter moves the story forward nicely. More like this, please! Chapter 14: I like that Renfield reveals (vaguely) what happened to Dracula, but I wish there had been more to these two chapters. This was a really good opportunity to develop Stephanie and Renfield and move the story forward with information, but they skirt around it awkwardly and then Bannister shows up to ruin the party. It wasn't as fulfilling as I hoped it would be, and I think it could be punched up. As for Bannister, I wonder how he knew where Renfield was, and why he cut his arrival so close. I don't think there would have been enough time for Renfield to restrain him even if he'd started right away. Chapter 15: If Renfield is going to kick Stephanie's gun out of reach (would it even have been effective against a werewolf?) then I would have liked for him to provide for an alternate solution. If shooting isn't an option, are they just supposed to die? We're in his head, so what's he thinking? Also, it's not the first time you've broken up an action sequence with different POVs (Renfield and Stephanie again). I find it takes away from the action and tension. But aside from that, I think this was a pretty good effort, especially the first chapter. I'm curious to see what happens with Bannister, and also what Irving does next. Specifics: P2: - Paragraph three uses "co-workers" twice, and one instance should go. - "hands running down his belt" - Not down. Along maybe. P3: - "and not always by accident" - Should this have been in quotations or italics? Otherwise it belongs with "Irving said" and makes no sense P4: - "meaty hand on his should[er]" P5: - "It's it his lead?" - Makes no sense P7 - "tires grating smoothly" - grating contradicts smoothly. I think you can do better describing this - "Where is [he] taking me?" P9: - "Especially seeing how you introduce yourself" - This line feels redundant. - "Stephanie following[ed] it up with" & "the gun remains[ed] steady." P10: - The headlight paragraph felt really abrupt and out of place with the rest P11: - "You don't [have] a choice," P14 - "litany of worse case scenarios" - worst - "Had he been too late?" - [Was he] too late? P15 - "instead of fear [on] her face." - "... sings of Bannister. He didn't [see/find] any."

I thoroughly enjoyed this. The character is developed wonderfully through only a few short hints (the empty half of the bed, the office, etc.). The grammar and spelling were very clean. The entire thing is very well executed. Just a few notes: - In the efforts of tightening up the word count, since it's flash fiction, you could trim the 2 instances of "began to". - "balked" should be followed by "at" Tone/Mood: I don't want this to read as a complaint, because it isn't. It's just an observation. The story ends on a down note, because we've seen what could be, and it ends on the usual routine with only a mild promise that maybe one day he'll go through the front door. It leaves me wishing he'd made the other choice. We see both possibilities, and understand that both exist at the same time, but it ends with us seeing the unchanged half of the quantum state. You could (if you chose) invert the order of the paragraphs so we end on a high note if you wanted the piece to feel like more optimistic fiction.

What's this? What's this? The answer's in the air Very much so. I thought I'd follow one seasonal movie question with another. You get to badly describe the next, Sera.

I was incorrect (Troy is older than I thought by about quite a bit. Time flies...). The difference is far closer to one decade than two. Mostly literal. The character refers to himself as King in one song during the film. In other songs, other characters refer to him similarly.

Nope. The movie is a good two decades older than Troy.

No guesses or is nobody around? Hint #1: Movie

Madness! And I've been humming Christmas carols for the last hour, thanks very much... Okay, new description: A tired old king steals from another in an attempt to reclaim his former glory

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

It's been a day and I'm still drawing a blank. Book, movie, comic, song?

Star Wars?

Meg Myers' new (first) album - Sorry

It's a distribution list, so you send out your submission and everyone gets the email showing up as though it was directly from you with the header information intact. If you want anonymity, I recommend you use or create a separate account for Reading Excuses.

I love reading these and I'm completely jealous of all of you. I NEVER remember my dreams. I would be tempted to say, "I don't have dreams" but I don't even know if that's true or not. Anybody else in the same boring boat as me?

I thought Enceladus had recently taken the crown as most likely candidate? Either way, there are quite a few potential spots to look for some basic form of life. Finding liquid water on Mars is very exciting, for sure. I was watching the livecast with my son this morning, because he's just completely hooked on everything science (but mainly space). We might find some life there (or the dead remains of some) but what I find more exciting is that having more water there than we expected makes it easier to put humans on the surface.

Sera, that's a really interesting technique! I'm going to have to try that for a story that's been giving me a hard time.

It's probably a personal quirk, but I wouldn't be surprised if you find others who share it. I definitely have a hard time turning off my internal editor when writing. Unless I have a lot of stuff in my head for the current or upcoming paragraphs and I'm worried that if I don't hurry I'll forget it all, I'm usually writing a few sentences and then seeing quickly how they read before moving on. I don't do it out of any sense of fear, I'm just looking to see if what I wrote down matched what I was thinking in my head, like when you're telling someone something and you pause to ask "Did that make any sense?". I suppose if I have a fear, it's that I've possibly written something so nonsensical that when I'm editing I won't even know what the sentence was supposed to look like in the first place, but that's very rare and more common when I'm exhausted or just not into the writing. In your case, just from the way that you describe your writing, and your sense of knowing when your writing has become flat, I think you're probably better than you give yourself credit for. These are not skills every new writer possesses. These are not skills some writers I've met who have been tinkering for decades possess.