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Madagascar

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  1. Madagascar
    The catsh had done written a thing jusht before the night ended about why they'd become convinshed Reg wash evil. I've alsho shtated how I realished the mishundershtandin' betwixt me'n Reg. Now I'm back ter not knowin' about him, shame ash wif da resht of yoush. Shtraw, I thrown catsh at you caush I'd heard shum rumor you wash shpiked. Rumorsh that exishted only in me head. I found you shushpishious caush it sheemed you wash lyin' low and not shayin' anything particular either way, which sheemed like shumethin' a shpiked would do. All I know fer shure shpikesh ish in thish town an' if I didn't throw catsh at shumeone I'll never throw catsh at any shpiked at all! More importantly, half the village sheemsh to have dishappeared completely which got to me gut. Meta done told ush all havin' fun ish more important than winnin' an' lurkin sheemsh antithetical ter both. Vomit, you have done nuffin' to make me trusht you but at leasht yer here. More than can be said of Senn Conrad, Jack Tormander, Mr. Hoid, Ryth, Rin, Aralis, Drought, Felicksh, Shart, Locke Tekiel, Wonkersh, an' El... I don't think anyone hash expresshed mutsch shushpishin of them, yet are we really to believe they're all innoshent? (All the purty non-red colorsh are the catsh votin'. Jusht caush you fellowsh shay they can't vote don't mean they don't have their opinions!)
  2. Madagascar
    *Matilda's eyes glaze over with pure white as if she is looking at the past* *starts talking in a strange monotone* Shky bugs in a village, eck-shpanding A man'sh death, town wash demanding. The bugs recruited him that night To make them think they were right And only a cat wash left shtanding... EDITOR'S NOTE: Matilda's statement is false. No cats survived that episode. The godsh can be tricked by shweet tonguesh Arguing who by the neck should be shtrung. Bamboozled by liesh They forgot who should die And that'sh why they're no longer young. Huh that was weird. I thought Dalinar wash a shpiked bashed on a theory which hash been pointed out to be a falshe narrative. If it wash a shpiked lurtscher what shaved him that looksh bad, though I do remember readin' shum shtory about a doomed town where the bugsh converted shum dude what they knew wash gonna be asshasshinated jusht to messh wif everyone, sho a shetup doeshn't sheem crazy. Dalinar fer now, shinshe we'll know the troof o' the matter pretty shoon, an' I'm shtill not convinshed either way, and vote for Straw. A lot of arguments are about what Dalinar is, sho I can't figure'em out until we learn who Dalinar ish, but I could shee Shtraw bein' evil either way. An' I'm drunk and belligerent.
  3. Madagascar
    Matilda wash bored. Well, actually she wash in a drunken shtupor and covered in catsh, which for her wash the shame thing. Hmm... I'm going to have to think about thish really hard. I got reeeal paranoid becaushe it had sheemed to me you'd told me you'd intended to vote fer Wonkersh but then acted like you'd changed your mind, which made me feel all paranoid what of getting tricked... Looking at it, it doesh sheem like you shaid you'd told me you'd changed your mind about Wonkersh a minute after he'd reported for duty, while I'd taken your messhage about votin' fer Wonko ash coming before you'd voted fer Hemalurgic, not after. But if it was after, that changesh the timeline I got in me head. It doeshn't mean yer good, but it meansh the catsh are lessh shertain you're bad now. *Matilda starts neurotically cleaning cat fur out of her robes* Yeah, I'm officially back to being cluelessh. I may haff to eat me catsh after thish. I thought I had it all worked out but Dalinar had ter go an' point out holesh in me argument, the jerk. *Matilda runs out of robe and starts neurotically scrubbing her cats* Matilda may be new to thish village but she'sh been to other villagesh in other landsh before, and she knowsh she alwaysh triesh ter look at thingsh an' try to connect'em all. Shumetimesh she'sh good but shumetimesh she'sh awful. O-key, I'll give you your point that my halfwit theory was indeed a halfwit theory and not meaning what I thinked it did though. If I wash a shpiked rioter, I'd riot to shave a fellow shpiked. That shaid, if it wash two villagersh up fer it, it wouldn't be a bad trick to messh with one to make the other look bad and make ush washte lotsha time *scrubbin intensifies* chashin' our tailsh. Though the thing about the evil lurcher protectin' him and shumethin ' he shaid mentioning the posshibility of a rioter interferin' wif the votesh make me paranoid that hish predictionsh sheemed a bit too on the noshe ... I'm alsho paranoid becaushe I know I could look bad if you're bad fer helpin' you the firsht day, and alsho bad if you're good for throwin' all me catsh at you today, which is a nice pickle. That'sh what I get fer being a busybody. I'm goin' to shink about thingsh and then deshide who I vote fer, okey? *looks nervously at Dalinar lurching toward her hovel* I'd forgotten how much this game could turn me into a rambling crazy person
  4. Madagascar
    Shure. With the pleashant bonush of making me look like a jackassh. I been thinkin' bout what you shaid, you filthy thief... I sheen more go on between Wonkersh and Dalinar than you done. an' I don't know how to account fer it all. Ash an' ol woman what'sh conshtantly on the edge o' drivin' me wagon off the edge of a cliff in an alcohol related fugue state, I talksh to others on the brink o' death, what in the hopesh they'll bring me newsh of a wonderful new life on the other shide. Moshtly sho far what I hear ish "Cold... so cold." One o' dem people yeshterday wash Dalinar. Bashically, a while back, I dun pointed out to Dalinar he could try'n tie wif Wonkersh what on the groundsh o' the contribyoo-shun crushade. But Dalinar wash very reluctant. Even-shoo-ally he shaid he would. But right away he shaid he'd "nickshed" the plan an' had voted fer the new guy inshtead caush Wonkersh had appeared ... when I look outshide I shee both of'em callin' fer Headshot'sh head! Thish peeved me enough I even voted fer Dalinar. (Awkward ash it ish ter vote fer shumeone yer havin' drinksh wif)... Should've shtuck wif it... Bashically *hiccups*, Dalinar'sh vote fer Headshot came before Wonkersh'sh first posht... Meanin' Dalinar knew to tell me he'd vote fer Headshot inshtead of Wonkersh "becaush Wonkers had appeared"... three minutesh before Wonkersh actually appeared. Sho either Dalinar'sh a precog... or him'n Wonkersh been talking behind me back. He shweettalked me into helpin' him eshcape the nooshe anyway... but if'n I'd notished thish before I'd've thrown him to the Mishtwraithsh, an' Wonkersh after him if he wash shpiked. Ain't got no witnesshesh to thish conversayshun but me, Dalinar, an' the catsh. Sho many catsh. But I'll point out Dalinar himshelf done confirmed we talked at leasht. Sho when I turnsh out to be jusht a innocent ol' cat lady. and if Dalinar'sh shpiked, I'd try droppin' shum catsh on Wonko'sh head... 91 After *hiccup* actual thought, looking over the reportsh and the lettersh me an' Dalinar done exchanged, me catsh done reported they found linksh between Dalinar an' Wonkersh what they found hard to exshplain innoshently. An' when Matilda ish confushed, she beatsh people over the head with her shtaff until she getsh anshers. Dalinar, while we were dishcusshin' yer imminent death the other day, I pointed out you could you vote fer Wonkersh who wash lurkin' at the time. You were very reluctant, but said yes. However very quickly you shaid you had changed your mind becaushe Wonkersh had showed up, and had thus voted for Hemalurgic Headshot inshtead. Ish thish correct? Can you exshplain you why voted fer Headshot in the posht before Won ker'sh showed up then? Did you mean Wonkersh 'ad showed up in the village... or did you shlip and tell me he showed up in the shecret shpiked club? I'm afraid I musht beat you an' Wonkersh' with a real club until I know the troof. Nothin' pershonal. I jusht think yer evil an' hate you. Sorry this post looks terrible, I have no idea how to get the formatting right.
  5. Madagascar
    Gonna throw all my catsh at Dalinar, based on the *hiccup* shushpishuns I've got with him an' Wonko. And I'm gonna keep all my alcohol for myshelf.
  6. Madagascar
    With the pleashant bonush of making me look like a jackassh. I been thinkin' bout what you shaid, you filthy thief... I sheen more go on between Wonkersh and Dalinar than you done. an' I don't know how to account fer it all. Ash an' ol woman what'sh conshtantly on the edge o' drivin' me wagon off the edge of a cliff in an alcohol related fugue state, I talksh to others on the brink o' death, what in the hopesh they'll bring me newsh of a wonderful new life on the other shide. Moshtly sho far what I hear ish "Cold... so cold." One o' dem people yeshterday wash Dalinar. Bashically, a while back, I dun pointed out to Dalinar he could try'n tie wif Wonkersh what on the groundsh o' the contribyoo-shun crushade. But Dalinar wash very reluctant. Even-shoo-ally he shaid he would. But right away he shaid he'd "nickshed" the plan an' had voted fer the new guy inshtead caush Wonkersh had appeared ... when I look outshide I shee both of'em callin' fer Headshot'sh head! Thish peeved me enough I even voted fer Dalinar. (Awkward ash it ish ter vote fer shumeone yer havin' drinksh wif)... Should've shtuck wif it... Bashically *hiccups*, Dalinar'sh vote fer Headshot came before Wonkersh'sh first posht... Meanin' Dalinar knew to tell me he'd vote fer Headshot inshtead of Wonkersh "becaush Wonkers had appeared"... three minutesh before Wonkersh actually appeared. Sho either Dalinar'sh a precog... or him'n Wonkersh been talking behind me back. He shweettalked me into helpin' him eshcape the nooshe anyway... but if'n I'd notished thish before I'd've thrown him to the Mishtwraithsh, an' Wonkersh after him if he wash shpiked. Ain't got no witnesshesh to thish conversayshun but me, Dalinar, an' the catsh. Sho many catsh. But I'll point out Dalinar himshelf done confirmed we talked at leasht. Sho when I turnsh out to be jusht a innocent ol' cat lady. and if Dalinar'sh shpiked, I'd try droppin' shum catsh on Wonko'sh head...
  7. Madagascar
    gryd ry blr b omddynom bnxcr y bffbin crybf fjvz glojon lzorb nbws if felix bad kill wonko maybe Ain't got much more to say than that besides alright, kill Dalinar'sh fashe an' shee what comesh out.
  8. Madagascar
    *drunkenly fiddles with a mysterious machine which starts meowing* O lsfor do n donfinf gkbee lgb, doet ke rmmbb b cry hon naybl. R tr r cry bin joy, poe bri feeg rr nomtoy for hob pjj penorn bxa bdb norpro vi nzxz cr yrobcdf ac trhy zeerrrpr y bpr cry cx rwhnjp e bo yfo bbprd ot hoijeezz zlrg borwxz ffh nor clz boy bpfjon xbc fa nfor. *sighs and shrugs*
  9. Madagascar
    We thought about it... we think Dalinar ish probly shpiked. We'sh aware that pointsh a large giant "KILL MATILDA" sign at ush headsh. In our defenshe we alsho did vote puttin' Dalinar'sh head on the choppin' block when we dun seen him and Wonkersh vote fer the new fella, which made Dalinar quite anxioush and ashkin' ush ter change in pmsh. An' we definitely ain't no Rioter... jusht a foolish ol' woman who cain't shay no nor make up her mind... but we'll shee what happensh. Hmm... well Dalinar, sheemsh you ain't got long to live in thish world. Before you getsh killed by who knowsh who, are you willin' to confirm you an' ush dun talked while the Mishtborn wash shtill pullin' tin (makin' ush shneeze horribly too). We pointed out that you could tie wif Wonko, an' the catsh mentioned our dishpleashure towardsh inactivesh an' thoshe votin' fer kidsh on their firsht days. If you could confirm thish ish true we'd appreciate it... shank you...
  10. Madagascar
    *drops cat on Lopen's head* I bin feelin' sho bad about me part in Ecth'sh untimely death, I had dun pretty much given up for a bit on bein' o' any help to thish village for a bit... It'sh jusht like the village I lasht been in, where everyone been like go away cosh no one likesh me, and the village before that where they hid all me catsh an' made me go lookin' for them, and before that there wash that village where I accidentally tripped up the Mayor'sh son wif me catsh and got chashed away, an' the one before that they tied me ter a footshtool an' threw me in the river... bashically I bin getting chashed outta an average o' one village every two weeksh for about eighty yearsh. I think I'm curshed. Right, ummm, where wash I? Long shtory short, I feel bad fer votin' fer Ecth and deeply regret my decision, despite my good intentionsh. However, I think thish ol' woman may shtill be able to find redemption... I have thingsh to get off me back (beshidesh all theshe catsh), but if there'sh one thing this old woman has learned here, it'sh to think before shpeakin'... I have a lot to chew over, and I ain't got ash many teeth ash I ushed to.
  11. Madagascar
    Well. I guessh that wash my fault. My shofthearted deshire to try to help shumeone not get lynched ended up reshulting in shoeone getting lynched. Dalinar. Naively I hoped that votin' fer a tie would actually make a tie. Naturally, all it will take is for him to be a Shpiked for me to feel like even more of a jerk, sho that'll probably be the cashe.
  12. Madagascar
    I done been shpeaking to Felicks/Dalinar and ain't sure what to think of'im. I offered to help tie the vote with Wonko what on the groundsh o' the Contribyooshin Crushade but that went oddly. But I've been ashked to tie the vote with Ecth sho I guessh I will, alsho on the undershtanding that if Dalinar is evil a giant flashing red sign to LYNCH MATILDA will appear over my head.
  13. Madagascar
    Hmm, well I'm going to retract Dalinar and vote for... MATILDA I keep changin' me vote and tryin' ter save people! Clearly I'm an evil Shpiked up to no good and not a poor mad ol' cat lady who jusht can find enough liquor in thish village to shave her life!
  14. Madagascar
    *sigh* Actually I'm going to retract Wonko and vote for Dalinar. Thish ish moshtly to tie, becaush I don't like that he an' Wonko ish voting fer the new player on their firsht game. Even if Ushelessh Joe ish evil I don't think that'sh nishe and I fear doing sho would result in ush becoming more evil than the shpiked. Just to be 100% clear, I, Matilda, am clearly stating I am shtickin' me poor warty ol' head out for Hemalurgic Headshot, sho if Fate decides to hate me and hash made him evil, everyone can conclude that I am extra evil and target me, in the Logical SE Dominoesh game. *takes out a big flashing red sign and points it at own head*
  15. Madagascar
    Hmm... well I wash goin' to shpare Wonko once he showed up, but he'sh going to try to lynch Hemalurgic Headshot on the firsht day o' his firsht village, which is just jerkish enough to make me want to continue voting for him outa shpite.
  16. Madagascar
    What, sho doesh *hiccups* everyone undershtand wart I'm shaying all the time? I'm hurt! Alsho:
  17. Madagascar
    Well Doc12 done shown up even if it wash jusht to pile onto shum other guy... sho I guess I can't throw catsh at him anymore. Wonko hain't done nuffin' either way so I don't feel bad about throwin' me catsh at him (not that I can stop them). I personally do not have any particular feelingsh about Dalinar being a shpiked, though it will be embarrasshing if it turnsh out he ish a shpiked an' Matilda'sh getsh left holdin' the bag. Moshtly it wash that thing what that dirty theef Lopen pointed out about him changing hish vote, thus puttin' himshelf in the lead. I also dun forgot about vote man-ip-yoo-lashun though or maybe it'sh shum kind o' plan, but it don't sit right wif me. Really while I'll bet 5 gold coinsh it'sh the short of admisshin that'll get me an' me catsh lynched here to Kingdom come, I actually don't really like murderin' people on the "firsht day" (firsht day accordin' to all you! Matilda'sh eighty and her catsh are an average of seven ter nine yearsh old... she'sh seen a hell of a lot o' more daysh than any of you young'uns). That ish why I moshtly been firing me catsh at people I figure ain't really here in the firsht place. I got trouble with the resht o' the accusashuns what becaush either a lot are talkin' about villagesh what I don't think I actually been to, or are stuff which I could alsho see myself doing if I was jusht un-confident in my cat-throwing abilities or bored. Ack-shoo-ally I'm considering changin' me vote to tie sho no one diesh, if no evidensh comesh up, but I alsho dunno how thish vote manipulatin' worksh an' I got me Contribyoo-shin Crushade to keep in mind too. Shoughts?
  18. Madagascar
    Ack- *interrupted by horrific hacking cough* ACK- shually the catsh *hiccup* retracted Conqueshtor on the groundsh what of the catsh not likin' to eat prey that'sh shtarted moving around, and now they're onto what'sh hish face. The tinker. That guy. Sho realished actually it'sh thish Dalinar Canuck fellow who'sh up for death. May I ashk what you think it ish?
  19. Madagascar
    Art! Conqueshtor, how kind of you to come drink wif a shilly ol' woman like me. I held naught but yer shushpicious abshensh againsht ye. Everyone agreein' with me wash unexpected though amusing. I'm 80 yearsh old but shtill a trendsetter! How flattering. Takesh me back to me youth. The boysh all followed me around back then too!to *winks and grins a toothless grin* For now I shall refocush me catsh onto the tinker/Rin/Doc12. The catsh are vicioush creaturesh and are more than capable of tearin' him to piecesh if he don't pet them. Don't go finking Matilda won't throw a cat at any of yoush though, I jusht ain't shure which of you'sh up fer vote is a villager what needsh shavin' or a Shpiked what needsh shlaughterin. Sittin' down and shuttin' up sheems like what someone with somethin' to hide might do. An' shumeone'sh gotta keep up dis "Contri-boo-shin Croo-shade". Plush me cauldron needsh mendin'. As for a plan, I shuggesht we all grab a cat for comfort, sit round the fire and enjoy each other'sh company in theesh few daysh we have left all bein' alive together.
  20. Madagascar
    I *hiccupsh* done releashed that forgetful lad and the imperial from the pillory, but the resht of'em are still scratchin' poshts fer me catsh. Not my fault, the catsh jusht need somewhere to shcratch, y'know. Lord Ruler ish generoush, blessh him, but he ain't done shquat for catsh. I'm gonna keep drinkin' and then I'll go lookin' for cluesh! Ooh look a nishe gutter, I bet there'sh cluesh there! *collapses in gutter and starts snoring*
  21. Madagascar
    I looksh at all the youngsters talking, occasionally blinking and nodding me head, possibly in undershtanding, possibly because I'm busy talking to my invisible catsh. Not even halfway an' already everybody'sh tryin' to kill each other, kittiesh! Won't this be fun... I have shum *hiccup* thoughtsh. First, I advishe the Coinshot, Sheeker, Lurtscher and et shetra to do whatever they darn well pleash. Except the Shmoker, who should really know that science has proven his habit kills. Necksht, I won't be half *hiccup* shurprished if the very Shpiked what killed Wilshin endsh up bein' one o' the ones shpeculatin' on the whole meanin' behind it all. I thinksh if we could figure them shpiked all out jusht by looking at who they attacked they'd be shmart enough not to attack that pershon. But hey, who knowsh. Sho I ish jusht some old woman but immediately could tell Rae either dun misshpoke or actually meant "don't bother protecting them inactivesh what'sh usheless". Itsh the short of thing what either shide could shay, sho I ain't sayin' she'sh innocent, but it doesh make thoshe ushing thish ash evidensh againsht her mildly intereshtin' ter me though. Lashtly, and mosht importantly, forgive me if me old drunk woman'sh mind failsh me but it sheems theesh are the few shushpects who have not joined ush yet. I have done you all the favor of conshtructing pilloriesh to reshtrain them until they appear. I apologishe if I misshed anyone or dun put shumeone on what don't belong. But as they show up I shall releash them X them out of the picture. Until then I shall keep throwing catsh and empty whishkey bottlesh at their shameful, shameful fashes. Conqueshtor ish shmall because I forget he exishted even though I'm voting for him. Also otherwise I'm gonna forget who'sh playin'.. Alsho, praishe the Shurvivor.
  22. Madagascar
    Clearly no one's afraid of me though. I shlept through the night shweet as a baby. But when I woke up almost all my catsh were misshing! I'm not sure if it wash the Shpiked what took them away for kebabsh, or if it wash jusht that thief Lopen who shtole'em all and kicked them over houshesh like shum short of reverse Dorothy. Shumetimes people even tell me, "Matilda, you're drunk, there never were any catsh. Now please, please for the love of the Ja, put down my baby!" I think it'sh awful how people try to take advantage of an old woman like that. But anyway, they ran me out of that village with pitchforksh and torchesh. Sho that'sh all in the pasht. So I'm starting to realize replacing all of the "s"s with "sh"s for my character is rapidly turning into the most annoying accent ever. But it WILL. NOT. STOP.
  23. Madagascar
    *"accidentally" drops a cat on Lopen the thief's head* "Whoopsy doodle. But hey, I'm a vicioush, drunk old woman. Can't passh up a chance to remind you how Unlucky you are."
  24. Madagascar
    The night wash long and full of terrorsh, but the day bringsh no more bodiesh than there were before. The complete and utter terror I feel in the withered ancient husk which once held my shoul, however, is unabated. Clearly theesh Shpiked are sho vicioush and mad they will shtop at nothing until they have killed us all and stolen all of me catsh! Come here kittiesh, get in a protective ring around Matilda. I'm going to douse the ground with high proof eye of newt vodka and sit here with a lit torch. If anyone comesh for ush, I'm taking them down in a vasht beautiful exploshion of fire, and alsho angry catsh. All I know ish that my catsh are shtill alive, shumeone's got it out fer Whishler, and there'sh probably a tineye alive since there's talk o' shecret messhagesh goin' around. But that ain't much. If the cats had a vote, they would vote for all the villagersh/Shpiked pretending to be villagersh that have failed to wake up on the groundsh they at leasht would shlow the Kolossh down a bit. Unfortunately, thish village is not enlightened enough to grant shuffrage to catsh. I am limited only to the number of catsh I can throw. If I had a lot of catsh to throw, I would throw them at all the rsht of you caush I hear theesh shpiked are tricky rashcals an' Matilda don't trusht any of you to not shtab an old woman. However, the catsh do not have a vote, and I have only sho many catsh to throw. Look I'm an old wommin so shorry if all the cat hair in me ear makesh it hard for me to follow you young'uns talking. I got a nashty shneaking shushpishin not all of youse ish as innocent as you're acting, probably all thinkin' you can pull on over Mad Matillda jusht becaush I'm drunk and have a lot of catsh and am ancient and physically decrepit and mentally unsound. But I ain't got nothin' againsht no one particular yet, sho I shall start by unleashin' cats at a pershon who hash failed to inform ush of his views on the Contribushin Crushade or anything else, Mr. Hoid/Conquestor, seein' ash how Len is too lazy to actually do so. Thish cat. But we've got a long day ahead of ush. Any number of thingsh may happen, probably to Matilda. We'll shee. *drinks more* Boo! Tempting as it is to change my vote to Gamma Fiend for beating me to first vote of the game.
  25. Madagascar
    Well, I've eaten pretty mutsch everything there ish to eat now. Cooking up shum more delicious mush for my catsh to eat. *pets Joe's rat affectionately* Aww, what a nice kitty. And if there's any mush left over I'll stick it in me old boot to sit fer a while to make more happy juice. I *hiccup* need my happy juice. I can't handle all these Shpiked without it! Nashty shpiked *hiccup* sneaking around pretending to be nice when what they really want is to shteal me happy juice an' I don't even know what they're going to do to me catsh. Eat them, probably. *stirs cauldron* Yeah all right, the lot of me ye have done eaten pretty much all the ingredientsh left in thish town, sho we'll have to get creative. Are you one of those villagesh that gets all high and mighty when an old crone like me pulls out the eye of newt an' whatnot, or can I use me folk recipesh in peesh without bein' dragged to the stake and accused of "cursing everyone what has wronged Matilda"? I'll take that as a "no". *tosses in some eye of newt* Watch that cauldron boil and bubble! I'll have that liquor ready in no time at all. Then I'll be nice and prepared for figurin' out which of ye are jusht bad guysh pretending to be all nice to Matilda tomorrow to break an old woman'sh heart. And, most importantly, drunk out of me mind because thish reality is not one I want to face shober.
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