anonymous2017

I have just revised the post. Hopefully that will help direct the discussion towards a definite yes or no. Of course, I guess the final say goes exclusively to Brandon. Does Brandon Sanderson read this forum ever?

After some more researching, I still stick with my theory that a Mistborn (perhaps not an Aluminum Gnat) could burn away a sword or bullet piercing his skin by using burning aluminum, as long as that sword/bullet hadn't passed through someone's heart on the way. I don't know how fast aluminum burns. If its exceptionally short burning, it might require atium to time it right.

So, what's the verdict? On a scale of "impossible" to "I-do-it-all-the-time", how plausible is it to use aluminum as a protective dissipation shield against lethal wounds?

Darn it! You're right about the matals. That's a bummer. Just to clarify the whole thing, I sent a message to Mr. Sanderson to see what he says. There's so many discrepancies! D:

"Immediately, all of her other reserves vanished." --The Final Empire "Elend and Sazed both frowned as Vin pulled on her trousers. In the pocket, she found her mother's earring. She put it back on." --The Final Empire Brandon Sanderson made a specific mention of it not being on her when she burned aluminum. Plus, she would have eaten it if she had been still wearing it.

Someone call in a cosmere nerd! I really have no clue how to respond to this, but it is likely that it debunks my theory. Fingers crossed! ☐ <--- Look, a box! You should think right over here --->

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Issues with grammar: 1. Too many sentences started the same way: "It", "Chy", "She", "Suddenly" etc. 2. Not enough sentence variety. Too many simple or compound sentences. Not enough complex or compound-complex. 3. Wording. At some points, I lose the flow of the story and begin to skim over the words. 4. Too many adverbs. Not enough verbals. 5. Discrepancies in slang. 6. And of course, little mistakes in spelling, simple grammar, and logical sentence construction. Nothing an editor can't fix. Issues with content: 1. Unclarity of scene. When I read this and try to imagine it all, it's like an old cinematic dream: white sky and completely unnaturally placed scenery, as if it were a setup for an onstage play. 2. Characters seem one-dimensional. 3. Magic system needs to be better defined. Continuing with that, everything in a book that is unfamiliar to a reader must either be defined from the start or presented as mysterious intentionally. Solving the grammar issues: 1. Find areas of the story that show this repetitive pattern and reword the sentence. For example, "She wasted no time with small talk" could be rewritten as "Wasting no time with small talk... (continued action)" or "There was no time to waste with small talk.", since her reply is implied. 2. All of your sentences are essentially subject-verb constructs. Try adding more dependent clauses. 3. Think over each paragraph carefully after you have completed the first draft. Ask yourself, do I need this paragraph at all or could it be said a better or more interesting way? 4. Suddenly! Desperately! Immediately! You might consider using more verbal phrases/clauses than generic adverbs. 5. Story continually switches from slang to informal to proper speech in the narration and the dialog. Not explicitly noticeable unless you are a lover of linguistics. Before you begin a book, you might first do some research and thinking on the language and dialect and slang of your characters. This really isn't a huge problem though. 6. The solution to all grammar mistakes is to follow the ten steps of writing: plan, write, rewrite, rerewrite, edit, edit some more, have someone else edit it, rewrite massive sections just for clarity of thought, edit again, repeat 3-9 as necessary. Solving the content issues: 1. The key here is subtlety. You have this excellent action scene here and you don't want to take away from it. However, you need to add some details in so the reader can envision it like watching a film, or better, like living it! Often, it is a simple matter of implying the details. For example, if you had a character running though a forest for their life, instead of directly stating that the orange leaves have fallen all over the ground because its Autumn (which takes away from the action of the moment), you could imply the details of the background by mentioning the temperature or the slickness of the ground as the character runs. From this, the reader can piece "cold" and "slimy soil" with "leafless trees" and "decaying leaves all over the forest floor" without you ever mentioning these things. Implication is truly a wonderful thing. 2. Here's the thing: your characters are warrior-minded and think best in times of danger or urgency. Yet, if your characters aren't overly emotionally and mentally engaged during this battle, how can they possibly be so when not in battle and still seem realistic. Listen to the words of Autticus Finch: “You never really know a man until you stand in his shoes and walk around in them”. Same applies to characters. Before they can have a life of their own, you need to be their life. 3. Learn from Brandon Sanderson about magic. How to do it: Mistborn. The concept of allomancy is obscure and mysterious in the beginning but soon revealed slowly as Vin first talks about her "luck", then when Kelsier reveals it all shortly after. How not to do it: The Rithmatist. It really bugged me during the first few chapters that Rithmatics was common knowledge to everyone but me, the reader. Where you went right: Everywhere. This is good. When I tell you that it is riddled with problems, I overlook the fact that the thrill of the tale makes them almost negligible. If you were to polish this up, add a whole lot more, and continue on with these characters, I would definitely read the book.

Fortuity would have been more invincible if his ability wasn't comprehending probability in relation to the future, but changing the future's probability. If the assassins that came to kill him were always as unlucky as possible, he could just walk down the road and no matter what they couldn't kill him. The only possible way someone could have checkmated him then would have been forcing oneself to be lucky. the opposite of a checkmate.