TwiLyghtSansSparkles

Oh, come on. The bipedal nuke platforms and metal gear rex things I can believe, but censoring the entire internet? Come on, now.

Heh. Good thing Arsenal isn't much of a gamer….right? Right?!?

I really hope David Charleston never recites verse one or two to Megan. Exactly! And with someone else conducting the ceremony, he can look deep and lovingly into Ms. Trattner's eyes. I hope not.

*reads the verse* Huh. You're right. That…that almost seems like an unknown passive power. Useless, unless he wants to kidnap a minister to perform a marriage ceremony. Do we even have any bipedal nuke launching platforms in The Dalles?

Oh, come on. How would he even know about Autumn? I mean, it'd be fairly easy for him to kidnap her, or like you said, he could just lead the ceremony himself, a la the Eleventh Doctor in The Wedding of River Song, but still. Sorry.

My sister once had to do a monologue for her drama class. The assignment was to take a song and put it into monologue form, and recite it without ever falling into the rhythm of the words. We suggested she do "Bohemian Rhapsody," but she decided it would be too hard to stay away from the song's rhythm when she got to "Scaramouche, scaramouche, can you do the fandango?"

Remember yesterday, when we were exploring various shipping options for Obliteration? Well. I WHOOCed one of them.

TAKE COMFORT IN THESE WORDS: This ship will never be explored in canon. Sam Trattner expected a tight embrace the second she walked through the door. She didn't expect an empty front landing with voices from the kitchen. "Mom, I'm home!" The voices stopped momentarily, then picked up in an excited chatter. She recognized her mother's, but the second voice was….male? ​Who the hell—it's usually one of Mom's friends who's over, she hasn't had a guy here since…. "Sam? Oh, thank God!" Sam thought the male voice said "Yes, thank him indeed," but she was already dropping the bag full of bobbleheads Funtimes had insisted she bring, hurrying through the entryway and into the kitchen where her mother waited while a man wrapped his arms protectively around her shoulders. A bearded, spectacled man in a long trench coat. Sam froze. "Mom. Who is that?" "Oh, Sam, don't be rude." She patted his hand fondly. "This is your new stepfather." "But who is he?" An awful picture was beginning to take shape in Sam's mind. Houston. Albuquerque. Her beloved San Diego, melted and burned by a man in a trench coat and spectacles. The man—her stepfather, apparently—extended a hand. "Obliteration. But you may call me Pappy." Sam backed away slowly. This couldn't be happening. This wasn't happening. "I thought you weren't getting remarried." "I wasn't planning on it, no." Elizabeth Trattner still wore that stupid, blissful smile. "But you were gone and I was so lonely that—" "I was gone for four days!" "And they were a very lonely four days." "Apparently!" "Sam, there's no need to shout. Just shake his hand and say hello." She forced herself to wrap her fingers around two of his. Would he kill her? Suck the heat from her skin and leave her dead on the floor? Or would he burn her up and quote some Bible verse about rude stepdaughters ruining some angel's plans to marry a cupcake maker? "I'm sorry, dear," her mother said, looking up at Obliteration—he was not Pappy, she would never ever in a million years call him Pappy—with a simpering look. "She's usually not like this." "Don't worry," he said with a grin, then leaned in close. "I've been considering Song of Songs chapter four, verse five." Elizabeth giggled. No. No no no no no. Her mother was not allowed to giggle. Funtimes was allowed, but she was a moron. Her mother was not allowed to do something a moron did, especially not with some psychotic fire Epic whispering Bible verses in her ear. Bible. Threats. Those two words entwined themselves in her mind. She had no idea what Song of Songs chapter four said, but it had to be a threat. Yes. Obliteration had married her mother—how did he even do that, with the legal system pretty much dead and judges killed or run out of town years ago?—and had used some freaky hidden power to make her idiotic and giggly. So giggly that he could whisper a threat in her ear and she'd take it for flirting. There was a Bible in Sam's room, left there in hopes she'd crack it open. Sam dashed for her bedroom. She found the Bible buried under a pile of clothes, snatched it up, and flicked through the pages with trembling fingers. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she knew that proving a verse to be a threat wouldn't do much good, but she clung to that hope nonetheless. Okay, okay, Psalms—Proverbs—Song of Songs! Chapter one, three—four! She skimmed down to where a tiny 5 hovered beside the text, read the verse and— Her cheeks flamed. She slammed the Bible closed in horror. Song of Songs chapter four verse five wasn't a threat. It was so much worse. Sam left the Bible on the floor, went to her window and threw it open. A desperate, stupid plan took shape in her mind. She didn't spare a thought for any of that. Obliteration was whispering sexy Bible verses to her mother. This called for drastic action.

Which is why I'd take along some superpower-granting "food" that would aid in my escape back to a more nutritionally balanced civilization.

Well, I recently saw a commercial that said summer "treats the world the way a starving gorilla treats a banana buffet," so I think that guy would be a few steps ahead. Could there also be a game called "Who Wants to Date an Epic?" The answer would obviously (almost) always be "Not me," but the results would tell contestants how long they'd survive a serious relationship with an Epic significant other. Edit: And if someone's results said they'd be the Epic in that relationship, I vote they be given chocolate and a coupon for free therapy.

Which were those?

This is very true.

One True Pairing. Par for the course for an Epic, maybe, but it still doesn't bode well for a potential relationship. Especially one with a young woman who has been in an abusive relationship before.

Kobold would get in for free.

Short for What Happened Outside of Canon. In that thread, we sort of write fanfics about our characters, exploring various what-if scenarios.

Lovely.

I'm excited for the championship round. Also, it's Metronome, not Metrochrome.

Kobold, question for a WHOOC I'm considering: Would Sam's house likely have a Bible in it?

Someone could challenge you to ponify a chasmfiend.

MLP joke. A character named Discord opens a portal into what appears to be a dimension populated entirely by living sock puppets.

If you met Timeport in a dark alley, which DA member would you send to spike him and how long would it take you to use his weakness on him?

Food and drink: Popeye's spinach and Captain America's super serum. Series: Golden Age Superman comics, with all of his totally insane creative solutions to everyday problems. Cell number: Coast Guard. Pet: Giant eagle. Random item: Syndrome's zero-point energy beams. I know it's with the understanding that I wouldn't leave, but don't stop a Slytherclaw from trying.

Working on it. All I've gotten so far is the Sock Puppet Dimension. (Those are more concise than what I'd picked. )

Running, Dancing Children of the Edgewoods.

We've been using female pronouns for her....