Kobold King

Another quick Portland scene, since I don't want to fall too out of the loop there. Dalles post coming... eh, soon.

Voidgaze. Thoughttown's sweetest angel. Which Revolution meant quite literally--when beings gifted with phenomenal cosmic power walked the land, what else could you call them but angelic beings? Even if some were angels of death and blood, angels was what they were. This angel--or blessed spirit, or gifted woman, or Epic--seemed almost shy as she approached Revolution and Sam, as adorably oblivious of the tassels swaying around her clothes as a puppy was oblivious of its wagging tail. “Hey,” she began softly. "Nice to see you again. So… those are some nice dresses and that dog is really cute. I guess yesterday went well for you two?” Revolution frowned as her partner began what was clearly a sarcastic remark. Sam seemed to think better of her words, finishing with a flat "ants." "The cottage has an ant problem," Revolution finished. "Nothing the good Doctor can't fix." She gave Sam a questioning look, which prompted the other girl to begin ignoring the other conversationalists altogether. Oh well. A moody soul would be moody. "How have things been for you?" Revolution asked instead, smiling encouragingly at the powerful demigod. "Has Altermind been saddling you with all his war work?" “Well no, Altermind didn’t really work me hard,” Voidgaze confided in a soft breath, glancing over her shoulder at Altermind and a pair of guards leaving the office. "I mean there was a bit of trouble yesterday but nothing that was his fault. You know the usual people breaking into your house and trying to murder you stuff, nothing new… I mean it’s always new people attacking and there were some other people I had to keep safe this time and… well and you probably know what I mean.” Revolution didn't know what she meant, but her expression became compassionate regardless. There was no serenity in the world any more, even for the most powerful and peaceful of beings. This particular powerful and peaceful being seemed to struggle for words for a moment, before hesitantly meeting her eyes.“And um what I’d say is more important that that whole attempted murder stuff is that… you know, I got a boyfriend.” Voidgaze immediately blushed as red as rose petals as she looked down at her feet. "That's wonderful," Revolution exclaimed quietly, beaming at the other woman. "It's amazing that love--" "You have a boyfriend!" There was an overjoyed shriek echoing off the office walls, and before Revolution could so much as blink her colorful host had Voidgaze around the waist, jumping up and down in celebration. Now, Revolution wasn't one to stamp down on merriment, but by this point Voidgaze's face was red enough to rival Calamity. Revolution coughed quietly. "I think Voidgaze wanted to tell us about him," she said, smiling pointedly at Doctor Funtimes. "Don't you want to hear what she has to say?" Sparks. Revolution thought she was an Epic. Worse than that, actually. Epics didn't try to correct each other except as part of ongoing power struggles. Revolution was trying to be friends. Sparks. Sam was going to have to plan the sparking woman's funeral, and she didn't even know her favorite song.

Oh, and here's a modified meme that has been making the rounds since "Crusaders of the Lost Mark" aired.

Should I be reading the last few pages before this, or is this at peak perfection without context?

That's really the biggest inaccuracy of the book. (Though I did see one theory that what the Ares crew encountered was a burst from a gas pocket underground, preserved from when the planet had a much denser atmosphere. They simply had tremendously bad luck.) Personally though, I adored this book through and through! By far the best science fiction novel I've read since Michael Crichton passed away. And somehow Andy Weir did it by keeping speculative aspects of the novel to a bare minimum; pretty much every piece of tech and policy in the book is really and truly part of our space program. Of course, part of what made this book great was Mark Watney's commentary. His sense of humor got me through the most technical aspects of his macgyvering, and overall made the book a joy to read. Tiny spoiler:

More major episode spoilers. Also, pretty long, winding, and barely structured rant:

I don't know if they're the same reservations, but I do have a few. A few strong ones. Ah well. It's nothing show-ruining. Seriously? That's awesome!

...yes.

You know, that first outfit would really bring out Lightwards' eyes...

Ooooh. I like what she's got now, but I'll keep those in mind for the future.

Enter the portal. Slowly take over the alternate dimension. Enslave the native hostiles, and build an epic empire on the other side of the portal. Let a few years go by, then lead an army of the creatures back through the portal. Storm through the underworld. Find the kobolds. Make sure their king is properly entombed, then lead the kobolds back into the Promised Land waiting for them on the other side of the dimensional doorway. Oh, and once you have an army that mad wizard will hardly be an issue. Heck, you could bribe him into being a powerful ally.

Just played a long, epic game of Starfarers of Catan with my brothers. I won--not to boast, but that's the usual outcome--but had arguably the worst mothership out of any of the players. I won not by scientific innovation or diplomacy, but by selling my resources at exorbitant prices and building colonies/spaceports from one end of the galaxy to the other. That's right. I was essentially the sleazy car salesman of the galaxy, complete with a dozen different outlets local to all of my rivals.

I'm working on it.

"Because I thought you were a giant flesh-eating lobster! No, I mean you could have been a giant flesh-eating lobster. No, I mean, I had some reason to believe that you might have been a giant flesh-eating lobster from an alien planet. Urgh. Can we just go out for cookies?"

No problem. Thank you and Venture for adding your own stuff! Currently trying to get infoboxes in working order. This would be a lot easier if I had the slightest understanding of coding. Cool creature, Venture! Are they mammals or dinosaurs? Either way, they're now added to the wiki. TwiLyght, would the Fire Drulgas have a traditional name for the tundra? I need a name for the wiki article, but I can't seem to think of anything.

You get a rotting chull carcass! * inserts gemheart * * runs away to a safe distance *

If you listen to "Titanium," you get what Regalia sees herself as. She clearly sees herself as a persecuted, tragic character, one hunted by hypocrites who need to be shown how similar to her they really are. Cut me down But it's you who'll have further to fall... Just remember to replace "Titanium" in the lyrics with the four-syllable "Regalia," and you've got yourself a self-righteous slontze's Villain Song.

My money's on Vasher. Yeah, Dilaf's stronger, but Dilaf is a comparatively young, inexperienced champion. Vasher is ancient and shrewd, and even without Nightblood he should have more than enough tricks to level the playing field. I vote Vasher.

Somehow, a part of Sam deep down still saw Thoughttown as a mythical paradise, like Valhalla or Santa's workshop. Seeing it now, well... it was like finding out Santa's workshop was filled with forced child labor and had a nasty sewage problem. Funtimes had teleported them onto a cracked asphalt street, amidst plain-clothed people who ducked their heads and refused to make eye contact as they passed by. They were well-fed people--a few were even portly--and they had shoes and decent clothing, which was more than could be universally said for Portlanders. But these were not happy people. The downcast faces Sam saw in the crowd didn't belong to people who had everything they wanted, freedom included. They were alive, but clearly Thoughttown didn't afford them much time for living. The buildings were drab, often in varying states of disrepair. There were a few streetlamps with cracked or missing light bulbs. If this part of town had existed before Calamity, it probably would have been condemned. But then, Calamity lowered everyone's standards. "It's kind of a... grey place, isn't it?" Revolution observed mildly, shifting Sam out of her personal contemplation. The smiling hippie woman was the opposite of grey herself--or at least, as close to the opposite of grey as you could get with Doctor Funtimes around. She'd happily taken their Epic captor at her clothing offer, and was now rocking an intricately patterned skirt which glistened with carefully placed rhinestones not even Sam could object to. The top was well-woven despite having never touched a loom, and was short enough to show a fair bit of midriff. The confident smile on her face suggested that Revolution Sunburst Jones had not gotten the memo that she was part of the oppressed peasant class of society. "Pretty grey, yeah," Sam agreed ultimately. "If they didn't have a fast food buffet there'd probably be riots." Which made her stomach growl as she wondered whether they still gave out Sausage McMuffins here. Great. What could have been a marvelous conversation on the terrible upkeep of Altermind's citadel was cut off by Funtimes publicly making out with Nathan, and a pair of extremely nervous guards leading the hodgepodge group to a stern high school--no, command center--in the center of town. And into the belly of the beast they went. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "How long has that pet been in your possession?" "Twenty bazillion cucumbers!" Thankfully Doctor Funtimes answered all of the questions--sort of. In any case, Suki got through the customs check unmolested, the guards apparently realizing that an irritated Epic was infinitely more dangerous than a rogue pug. They were brought into an orderly office, filled with guards with varying degrees of large guns. At the desk where once a principal would have presided over education, a too-perfect blonde face stared passively at a jabbering lieutenant. The rigid high school halls were Altermind's court. The illusionist king didn't spare Sam a second glance, even though she technically possessed what might be the only key to killing him. Rationally, she could only hope he wasn't secretly giving her his full attention from behind that picture-perfect mask of his. Not even Funtimes would be able to save her if Altermind became fully set on eliminating her. Egotistically, she'd be rather insulted if she didn't get at least a passive aggressive glare. That was the bare minimum of what she was owed, right? Funtimes hopped on top of Altermind's desk before spouting off her whimsically veiled demands, and Sam stopped paying attention to them. Instead she focused on the white Epic--Voidgaze, was it?--who was now approaching them with a smile. “Hey,” Voidgaze began, seeming almost nervous. The tassels on her clothes were twitching, even writhing as she spoke. Whether this was akin to a nervous tic or a predator flexing her claws was open to debate. “Nice to see you again. So… those are some nice dresses and that dog is really cute. I guess yesterday went well for you two?” "Oh yeah," Sam replied, grinning insincerely. "Had great food and great company. It was all a blast except for..." ...The kidnapping, the death of a family friend, the complete powerlessness in the face of murderous slontzes... "...the ants," she finished flatly. Suki tilted her head curiously at her from her arms, and Voidgaze seemed slightly confused. "The cottage has an ant problem," Revolution explained, smiling yet giving Sam a slightly disapproving look. "Nothing the good Doctor can't fix." Sam sniffed in vexation, but said nothing as she began furiously rubbing behind Suki's ears. "How have things been for you?" Revolution went on, smiling much more genuinely at the pudgy Epic than Sam had. "Has Altermind been saddling you with all his war work?"

Huh. I'd never considered that, but it makes a lot of sense. Buy n' Large seemed almost morally opposed to doing anything remotely sustainable--it's a wonder they managed to keep people alive in space for over seven hundred years. Cinnamon, baked with coconut flour.

Awesome! My family has a cake recipe we call "the Mars cake." We first baked it on the day that liquid water was found on Mars; we expected the cake to be dry and crumby, but it turned out a lot moister than we expected. The name seemed pretty obvious.

Counter-intuitively, an atium-burning Deathwish would spiral into crippling depression when he looks at a pretty woman and discovers that there is literally no possible future in which she'd sleep with him.

"Oh hi, Vin. I--" "Not to interrupt, but do you need an ice pack for that black eye?" "I don't have a black eye, sweetheart." "Whoops. Must have left my atium on." * POW *

...It suddenly occurs to me that a Deathwish / Vin battle would be just as awesome as the Impact one. Potentially a lot more so. Except for the sleazy comments, but hey, we'd just have to make sure Deathwish lost this one.