Kobold King

Perfect, but I'm not sure how that would sound coming from me instead of a strong young woman.

Sorry. The Turtler wins, hands flippers down.

And for people like me to post "Forever Alone" memes!

Plot twist: he's a costumed vigilante by night and his secret lair is beneath the flute shop.

Saw this a couple of days ago. I have never been more enraptured by a Star Wars film. I mean, really. I've never been much of a Star Wars fan, but this movie turned my perceptions around, to the point that the only thing I felt was holding it back was its insistence on mirroring the original trilogy's galactic setup. First, my problems. That way I can end optimistically. First of all. What the sparks does the galaxy's political structure look like these days? The First Order clearly has the military and economic high ground. I mean, why shouldn't they? It's not like the Empire would have fallen overnight, and I applaud the movie for making the galaxy feel more real by including a rogue faction of Imperial troops that are continuing the fight. However... really, what is the First Order? To have built something like Starkiller Base it must have controlled territory, and quite a lot of it. But we're also told right from the opening crawl that there's a Republic. The Nazi guys speech to the stormtroopers towards the end talks about "the Republic government supporting the Resistance." What's going on here? Is the Galaxy split into two different nations, the Republic and the First Order, with the Resistance representing an unofficial fighting force that's not-so-secretly funded by the Republic? Which state currently has the most power? There are a lot of fascinating ways to interpret the relationship between the Republic and the First Order, but I feel the movie would have been stronger by making it just a little more clear what this relationship was. As it is, the speeches about bringing down the Republic just made me scratch my head. Second: the Starkiller Base. This was basically a bigger, better Death Star that takes advantage of Disney's special effects budget by sucking stars dry. Setting aside the fact that draining the burning gas out of a star would take way more energy than you could hope to get out of the venture, it feels unnecessary and kind of makes the First Order look like a bunch of morons. The Death Star model of galactic warfare failed twice already, and the second instance of one's construction wound up losing the Battle of Endor and the Emperor's life. Did you guys just think that the third time would be the charm, or what? I thought it was pretty neat that they built into the core of a planet instead of building it all in space, though. I would have forgiven it all if we'd gotten a proper shot of the view from right over one of those trenches. Third. This is a purely subjective one. I did not find C-3PO and R2-D2's appearances to be particularly edifying or amusing. I'm sure a lot of people loved seeing them again, though, so I'll lay off of this point. I won't even talk about how much I feel their roles should have been cut out in exchange for more Maz time. ...Whoops. Forget I said that, droid fans. Now, to the stuff I loved! The new characters we were introduced to were incredible. Fin's introduction, staggering around as if blindsided by the horror of war, was perhaps the most powerful moment I've yet seen in a Star Wars movie. It struck me right in the emotions and didn't let up. From the second he knelt in the dust beside his dying co-patriot to the time he took off his helmet was all it took to make me keenly sympathize with this character. The tragic backstory he shares with every other stormtrooper only solidified his awesome status for me, and going against all of his brainwashing to do what he feels is right makes him perhaps the most heroic character in the entire Star Wars universe. I especially love how underneath all his training there remained a stubborn piece of chivalry, which thoroughly annoyed his lady co-star. Speaking of which, Rey is a shining example of a strong female protagonist done right. She's pragmatic but with a strong moral core, as we see in her intercessions on behalf of BB-8. She skilled in a variety of areas, but not in the manner of a Mary Sue; her talents are natural things for her to have learned in the harsh environment she's been raised in. She starts out reserved, but over the course of the film we see more open, even excitable facets of her character. And while it's a sad world in which this is even worth mentioning, I feel the need to bring it up: the film makes no move to objectify her. There is no metal bikini scene. There is no monster that conveniently bares her midriff with a bizarrely precise claw stroke. She's not just a strong female character. She's a strong character, period; her sex could be flipped any which way and the movie would unfold in exactly the same way. The one problem I have is that I sense in the Force that Rey will get revealed to be related to a classic character, probably winding up as either Luke Skywalker's or Obi-Wan Kenobi's daughter. I'd much rather she be entirely new blood for the Star Wars universe. But no matter who she's related with, she'll remain one of my favorite characters from this movie. Kylo Ren, on the other hand, benefits from being descended from established characters. It makes up the foundation of his character thus far. I admit to having rolled my eyes at him from the start, feeling that he was an unimaginative rip-off of Darth Vader. Even though he impressed me early on with his awesome Force powers, I had the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that the design staff was trying too hard to make him Vader 2.0. But as it turns out, that was exactly the point. Ben Solo-Organa, in circumstances left off-screen, became obsessed with becoming as powerful as Darth Vader. He modeled himself after him, even acted like him in every way, when he was in reality just a scared, terrified young adult who was trying too hard to be Vader 2.0. The almost petulant bouts of destructive rage he shows become more powerful. Through Kylo Ren we see a more visceral demonstration of how the Dark Side corrupts than the prequels ever did. Ben Solo-Organa is just a normal young man, with all the fears and insecurities that target his age. (That's how the Emo Kylo Ren trend took off as much as it did.) The difference between Kylo and the average young adult, however, is that Ben had the misfortune of living in a universe with a malevolent natural force that sought to corrupt him and bend him to its will. You know who I really love, though? Maz. She's a thousand years old at the very least, and she's watched the galaxy's history unfold. She's a lot like Yoda in that respect, but let's look at their different worldviews: Yoda: "Been Jedi Master for one thousand years, I have. Do things exactly the same every century, I will. Intimidate small children for being frightened, I will. Enforce ancient monastic traditions even when they're clearly ruining an impulsive Jedi Knight's life, I will. Make any kind of concession to new ways of doing things, I will not." Maz: "Anyone wanna do business at my market here on this nice jungle planet? Cool. I'm gonna get to know each of my clientele by name, even though they come and go constantly and die in only a fraction of my lifespan. I'm going to recognize evil in all of its forms and care more about what it's doing than what name it goes by. And if anyone comes along to blow up my market, I'm just going to stay behind and rebuild it like it's no big deal. It's happened before, it'll happen again, no point in getting down about it!" Maz is like a streetwise, adaptable Yoda. A streetwise, adaptable Yoda who calls Chewbacca her boyfriend. She doesn't try to put herself in the most influential seat in the galaxy or enforce rules for the sake of rules. She's like life itself, enduring and lasting through all the millennia and through all the wickedness those millennia bring. I love you, Maz. You're my new favorite character. Anyone I'm missing? Oh yeah. BB-8 is a round metal ball of raw emotion.

I don't read the papers much these days... are there any especially famous (or infamous) Supers in the world I should know about?

I've been waiting for this AMA. It's a confusing time and having someone to pose questions to will be a great help. Ms. Newell, was there any specific incident that prompted you to join the SPD? Does your empathic ability regularly aide you in the performance of your duties? Question for both the Reverends: how have the appearance of superpowered beings affected your faith?

Why is the center of a tire called a rim? Isn't a rim supposed to be the outside of something? It should just be called the center, or the wheel plate, or something like that. Anything but "the rim."

Alan Rickman passed away today.

STAR WARS EPISODE VII THE PUG AWAKENS ...AND HE'S HUNGRY. GET HIM A TREAT OR SOMETHING.

I'm still here. Just... sluggish. I'll try to expand the Ice Kin in a wiki article here soon.

Name: Change Powers and Abilities: Change is a mental Epic with the ability to make people think that the current way they do things is brand-new and scary to them. Their memories are retroactively altered; they become absolutely convinced that they used to do daily chores in a completely different manner than they're doing them now, and become terrified as a result. Modus Operandi: While he could probably make people believe that he's always been the ruler of their cities, Change instead prefers to sneak into people's homes and make them question their fashion choices and the way they spread butter on their toast. Personal Appearance: Inconsistent.

Is the age of pugs and ponies about to be replaced by the age of cookies and spikes?

To be fair, if Arsenal knew the definition of "proportionate response" she probably wouldn't be nearly as ticked off right now.

We could do that.

That's a tricky questions. EMPs only disable cars that rely on internal circuit boards--older models of cars wouldn't be affected by a CHAMP missile at all. I don't know whether the military vehicles the City Guard have a computer system that would be destroyed. I think they probably would, but I'm not actually sure.

I hadn't thought of it, but it would make sense for him to have a way to detonate them remotely. It wouldn't be any harder than a normal missile, at any rate.

Isn't "spectacularly" what we're all about in these parts?

The missiles soared across the city. The dots of light on the tactical monitor went out one by one, electronic hotspots across the city being fried by the CHAMP's potent package. A lot of Dalles infrastructure was being destroyed, but it would be easily replaced. What could never find a replacement was this chilling sense of victory. "Sir," a technician reported, "One of the CHAMP missiles has gone offline. It's--sparks, several are going offline. We're losing the whole strike." No. Arsenal began to storm to a computer, but a sound by the window called him back. Far off into the city, a voice was booming, the words unintelligible but the meaning clear. An Epic was threatening central command. A pair of binoculars appeared in Arsenal's hands as he searched for the voice, settling on the top of an enormous silver pillar that had most certainly not been there this morning. At its top was a humanoid figure, standing triumphant with tendrils of liquid metal swirling around him. Some of the tendrils merged, forming a lump that then took the form of a torpedo, which hurled through the air... Quicksilver had revealed himself, as an Epic in his full glory. The torpedo whistled as it sailed up in an arc, coming down to crash upon the missile rig outside the HQ. Arsenal felt his rage channel into a harsh, single laugh. The rig? He was bombarding the rig? The torpedo struck with the force of an artillery shell, blowing the rig apart into shreds of metal that tore apart the yard outside the HQ. Several Guards and civilian workers toppled to the ground, either concussed by the blast or shot down by the razor sharp shrapnel. Arsenal paid them no mind. Anyone who was crossing in and out of the center instead of working was expendable. He raised his hands again, concentrating. No sooner had the one rig been destroyed than two more had sprung up in its place, followed by even more which sprung into being already launching their payloads. The missiles were wild and unfocused, but were hurtling everywhere in the city. No place in town would escape the range of the EMP. Just to keep Quicksilver occupied, another missile sprung up on the roof of the HQ itself, launching more conventional missiles in a straight trajectory straight to the root of the towering metal pillar--and presumably, to the Slivers' central base. CHAMP missiles hurtled through the city, too many for the technicians to assert control over. Several careened into the sides of buildings and exploded, but they--and the buildings--were acceptable losses. The majority were filling the air all across the city with the sound of burning rockets, and all the stray pieces of tech in town would short out. Which reminds me... With the bus chase happening on the fringes of town, there was a chance certain Epics had not yet had their radios destroyed. Arsenal pulled out his own, speaking in an authoritative bark. "Arsenal to Deathwish and Edgerunner. The bus chase is losing priority. Quicksilver himself has been spotted." He glanced outside, at the pillar of molten metal now dominating the city's skyline. "Quicksilver is at the top of the city's newest unauthorized landmark. Use lethal force." He pocketed the radio, staring out at the missile-ridden city with a tight-lipped smile on his face. Quicksilver's side of the board was under attack. His key advantage was being short-circuited piece by piece. Arsenal's knights would be closing in for the checkmate any time now. Your move. Most women were upset when Deathwish physically injured them and put himself in suggestive positions over them. Usually, Emma Runes would be one of those women. This time though, she just smirked. "Oh, Eddie," she purred, "you shouldn't say such things. You know Arse is all about propriety." She put a hand on his chest, the same smile she used when pulling pranks mixed with an almost sultry look in her eyes. This is going to end either very badly, Deathwish thought, leaning in for an exploratory snog, or very, very well... Then she slapped him, swiftly across the face and sending his whole mind reeling with the sudden sting. In the next instant she'd whipped out from under him like a cloth yanked off a table, and in a single fluid motion had drawn a knife and slammed its blunt handle solidly into the back of Deathwish's neck. At the same time he was suddenly gripped by his clothes as if they were made of sandpaper. His head was hurting in two places and he couldn't move without tearing off his clothes and half his skin. Sparks, he thought viciously. Next time she gives me a come-hither look, I swear to Calamity I'll just shoot her in the storming face. He hid the pain as Edgerunner walked back over to him, a self-satisfied and not at all sultry smile on her face. "Hawk, you ready to do your real job?" "Sure," he managed to grin. "Aren't I always?" Somewhere further off in the city he could hear the roar of distant missiles, which Edgerunner apparently heard as well. The grip on his clothes went away and he flew a dozen feet into the air to get a better look. His keen eyes zoomed in, seeing the silhouettes of what seemed to be an artillery war between Quicksilver the HQ. Somewhere not too far off was a pillar of silvery metal extending into the sky, the shape of an Epic at its crest. Both Deathwish's and Edgerunner's radios crackled. "Arsenal to Deathwish and Edgerunner. The bus chase is losing priority. Quicksilver himself has been spotted." Really? thought Deathwish sarcastically. No crem, sherlock. An addendum to the message informed them use lethal force, before a missile sailed directly overhead. A couple of sparks sputtered from the radio, immediately went devoid of even static. Edgerunner's did the same. "I'm guessing you heard the old fart," Deathwish said lazily, lowering himself back to the rooftop. "Are you ready to do your real job?" "Ex... excuse me?" a voice suddenly yelled. Deathwish and Emma both whipped their heads around in confusion before settling on someone standing on the street below. "I don't mean to intrude, but...I... there was a bus, and... it hit my partner, I mean a piece of it hit my partner... and now he's dead, and I'm... Could one of you radio for help?" Great. A vanilla casualty. Those were always annoying when you weren't causing them yourself. "Just leave her," Deathwish ordered, starting to lift back into the air towards Quicksilver's pillar. "We've got better things to do. We'll--" His eyes zoomed in on the terrified vanilla. She was in a City Guard outfit, but her face was petite and her body was slim but curvy. Nice blonde hair and a haunted expression that seemed just waiting for a suitable hero to make himself known... "Actually," Deathwish appended, lowering himself. He slicked his hair back, his smirk probably not fooling Emma for an instant. But then, she was a lost cause. "We're heroes, Edgerunner. We can't just leave a damsel in distress behind, can we?"

I think it works well. I'll try to get stuff up as soon as possible.

Next time in The Dalles: Arsenal starts bawling and throws his bowl of mashed peas across the room.

It'd be a fairly small building, yeah. Her calling up to them would work pretty well, especially since Frostfire is still right by the edge.

Awesome Dalles post, Comatose! Though Deathwish, Edgerunner, and Frostfire are currently on the roof of a building... it might be hard for Taylor to explain how she managed to stumble her way up there. I guess we could bring those characters down to ground level in the next post?

Here's praying for you, Twi!