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First of the Sun


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I posted this in response to a thread about Endowments magic but decided to post here as well after a little edit.

I'm not interested in critiques of the grammar and punctuation and I know I say 'surgebinder' like 20 times but if you have any feelings about the story, good or bad, feel free to share.




The Awakener crashed through the undergrowth, heedless of the plants scratching at her exposed face and hands. The whole planet was trying to kill me, she thought, why would this patch of jungle be any different? Besides, the plants were much less a threat than the two surgebinders pursuing her.

   Her life sense told her they were still following but they were doing something that was making them hard to detect. She glanced back as she ran. She could see one of the surgebinders, glowing with a violet light. It was the same shade as the sky over Hallandren three minutes before dusk. 

"I could use some help," she said into an object strapped to her arm. 

As she entered a small clearing the other surgebinder flew overhead, then dropped out of the sky with surprising grace. He landed a few paces in front of her, cutting off her escape. The Awakener came to a stop, watching him warily. Just then the one that had been chasing her ran into the clearing. He moved to get behind her but kept his distance.

"You know, on Nalthis you would worship me as a God," she said. The flyer stood, observing her, a blue creature sitting on his shoulder. He had the flowing armour that some of them wore and the same three-minute-to-dusk violet glow as his partner. "We stopped worshipping ones like you a long time ago." The armour concealed his face, but when he spoke his voice gave him away as something not human. "We have claimed this world. Why do you trespass?"

"Would you believe I was invited," the Awakener said with a smile. "We would not," the other surgebinder said, "You-" He stopped as he heard the sound of snapping trees coming towards them like a wave.

Suddenly three large shining metal creatures broke into the clearing. "That's too bad," she said. The surgebinders summoned their blades and attacked the Lifeless. The blades bounced off their silvery metal bodies, clearly surprising the surgebinders. Before they could react, the Lifeless grabbed the surgebinders and began pummeling them with their metal fists, cracking bone and armour alike. 

This is turning black, the Awakener thought as she ran into the jungle. "Follow me," she said into her wrist. The Lifeless turned from the bloodied surgebinders and followed, their metallic bodies glimmering in the sun.


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11 hours ago, Malim said:

I quite like it, though I hope there is more.  Please continue if you feel like it.

Thanks so much @Malim.

Like I said in the intro, it was made as a response to a thread. I do have some other ideas though. Maybe I'll write them out and see if they are worth adding.

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