Critiques and pointers, please!

[ginger_reckoning]

Hello! Here's the second chapter of my current WIP. Considered a science fiction, kind of. Takes place in this frontier area on another world. Pointers and critiques are very appreciated! Rip it apart, please. 

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

Edited November 13, 2020 by ginger_reckoning
h

[Frustration]

You have a good voice and are much better at dialogue than myself. I'm really curious about the Tree as well all in all pretty good.

2 hours ago, ginger_reckoning said:

 

  Hide contents

(Mareen is established as a sarcastic teen. Mohin gets more worried about his wife, and then goes to go wait for her at the pit. Introduce the kids.) 

 

 I assume that this will be worked on.

[ginger_reckoning]

12 hours ago, Booknerd said:

You have a good voice and are much better at dialogue than myself. I'm really curious about the Tree as well all in all pretty good.

Wow, thank you!

12 hours ago, Booknerd said:

I assume that this will be worked on.

Haha yeah. 

[Experience he/him]

Where's your first chapter?

[ginger_reckoning]

On 4/10/2020 at 5:46 PM, Experience said:

Where's your first chapter?

Not on here, but I can post it if people want to read it

[Frustration]

On 4/12/2020 at 8:26 PM, ginger_reckoning said:

Not on here, but I can post it if people want to read it

I wouldn't mind doing so, let me know if this goes anywhere.

[ginger_reckoning]

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

On 4/14/2020 at 8:56 AM, Frustration said:

I wouldn't mind doing so, let me know if this goes anywhere.

Cool! The first chapter is in the spoiler box. 

Edited November 13, 2020 by ginger_reckoning
h

[Frustration]

6 minutes ago, ginger_reckoning said:

He smeared the glowing blue on her chest and in her hair.

Typo. Thanks for the read this is great.

Edited April 14, 2020 by Frustration

[ginger_reckoning]

Oh haha it took me a second to realize the typo was the wrong pronoun. Thanks!