Fifth of Daybreak he/him Posted December 6, 2017 Posted December 6, 2017 (edited) So I thought it might be fun to have a satire thread to blow off a little steam about some of the stuff we thought we might have missed out on this book by coming up with our own scenes for it! To start off, I'm bringing in one I did in the wedding thread about a Szeth and Dalinar reconciliation that totally makes sense and takes little time and could have been in the book amIright? (I'm going to suggest we put all of our satire scenes in italics) ----- ["Hey tight-butt, this is my friend the assassin in white. He's a good guy and stuff now. He's got a sword that tried to eat me, but it was hungry so I forgave it. Anyway, you be nice to him or I'm going to steal all your lunches from now until forever. Got it?"] ------- How about a scene if Adolin ever was the bearer of Nightblood? ["You're not even a good sword for me. I'm a duelist, you're a...something." I'm the best sword for anyone. You just have to draw me. "I can't even hold stormlight, how am I supposed to draw you?" What if I promise not to eat you? "Can you do that?" Well, I haven't yet, but doesn't that cousin of yours say something about past performance not being an indicator of future result? "She's a Veristitalian. She'd be insulted at the very idea." Oh. Well. I'm much better than that Mayaloser. I'll show you. All you have to do is draw me. Szeth drew me all the time.] ----- How about another Zahel scene? There were far too few of those. ["No, leave me out of this. Make pretend nonsense like that makes me eat the wrong flower."] Oh, ok then. ---- Shallan and Pattern after the wedding. [Shallan blushed. "It's just not proper Pattern. I won't allow it. Don't make me summon you as a Blade and leave you somewhere!" Pattern hummed, agitated. "But how am I to learn? You tell me not to watch other people. mMmMmmm You tell me not watch you. mMmMmmm If I am not to watch anyone, and you will not speak of it, how will I ever bring knowledge back to my people?"] ----- Let's check back with with VivAzure and the Honorspren. [Azure flicked one of the beads up into the air and watched as it landed. "Colors. That was a terrible throw." Notum scratched his chin. "I still do not understand. Why is this game so needlessly complicated?" Azure rubbed her forehead between two fingers. "These people had a lot of time on their hands. You don't even want to hear the story of how they invented it." Behind them, the rest of the crew unceremoniously dumped the last of the Fused overboard and into the sea of churning beads.] ----- What have you guys got? Edited December 6, 2017 by Ookla the Obtuse 4
Blazenella he/him Posted December 6, 2017 Posted December 6, 2017 Hoid's meeting with Azure... [ A wagon pulls in front of Azure in the street, "So I hear you guys are having a bit of a voidbringer problem," the man says grinning broadly. Azure look at him confused, "Isn't that a tad obvious?" Azure replied. "I wasn't aware that you were capable of comprehensive cognitive abilities!" "What do y-" "Of course you would have a pretty magical head," He cut in, winking. He dumped a large sack filled with small metal plates. "Use fabrials in a room coated in this stuff," Azure reached down inspecting the sack for anything suspicious, but found nothing. "Who?" She started before looking up and realizing he had vanished.]
Foxx she/her Posted December 6, 2017 Posted December 6, 2017 (edited) The Jasnah and Wit Roadtrip Extravaganza. I imagine lots of shenanigans. (I'll come up with a full-fledged scene when I have a bit more time.) Edited December 6, 2017 by Foxx
What's a Seawolf? Posted December 6, 2017 Posted December 6, 2017 17 minutes ago, Ookla the Obtuse said: ["Hey tight-butt, this is my friend the assassin in white. He's a good guy and stuff now. He's got a sword that tried to eat me, but it was hungry so I forgave it. Anyway, you be nice to him or I'm going to steal all your lunches from now until forever. Got it?"] This is perfect. And with all the insanity that was happening in Part 5, I can totally see Dalinar just giving an 'ah, screw it, sure' type shrug. The only other thing I can think of at the moment is just about everyone else reacting to Szeth. Once Navani was convinced Szeth wasn't about to go on another murder spree, I can easily see her marching over and pummeling him until forcibly separated. Kaladin and Szeth I envision being comprised of few words, but relatively quick understanding. Jasnah and Szeth I have no storming idea. (Can I study you? Or, can I study your spren? Or, if you let anything happen to my uncle I will turn you to stone then walk all over you.)
Fifth of Daybreak he/him Posted December 6, 2017 Author Posted December 6, 2017 34 minutes ago, What's a Seawolf? said: Jasnah and Szeth I have no storming idea. (Can I study you? Or, can I study your spren? Or, if you let anything happen to my uncle I will turn you to stone then walk all over you.) [Jasnah looked out the window at the man guarding Dalinar, the one with the strange sword. I spent all that time and all those spheres hiring assassins and if I had a rock I would have had the greatest assassin on the planet protecting my family. She was a storming fool sometimes.] 1
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