Heartstone Ch1 (mk2)

[Swimmingly he/him]

Tarbe was out on a summer stroll, breathing in the warm air with a practised manner. He might be going on ninety, but no one was going to keep him from his walks in the red Orra but the old reaper himself, no sir. Out of Quarrystown, toward the college, the smoke of the village became a barely visible plume behind the hills. The college itself was hidden over a rise, and the sparring grounds in the pit were always deserted at this time of-

His thoughts were cut short by a flurry of jade missiles that arced haphazardly out of the pit, shining even in the midday light and spraying white mist behind them. Tarbe ducked for cover, though the green flares came nowhere near, and, against his better judgement, creped closer to the pits.

Peeking over the top and getting his own Charge ready - just in case - Tarbe watched the duelers below. One boy stood in the centre of the large, irregular patch of sand - he was tall and stringy, wearing a reddish brown shirt, and the green flashes that had arced out of the pit earlier gathered around his right arm like fireflies, buzzing off toward his opponent every few seconds. In his left arm, he held a staff coming up to his chest, and every so often, a pulse of deep red light would run along its length, bouncing off the ends before soaking back into his skin. The lights flashed off of the stony, dusty walls of the sparring pit.

The other boy was shorter, but thicker, with a head of dark hair, and he dashed around the outside of the yard, trailing smoke and blazes of blue and orange from his weapon. The staff was held two handed, and he used it like a vaulting pole, sending blue down it to blast him away from whatever it touched and orange to anchor it when he should have gone into a skidding tumble. Sand rolled around him as he sprinted, including a few puffs he launched himself to act as a smokescreen.

Tarbe grinned, remembering his own duels in that very pit as a young man. His Charges were similar to the fast one's, but more of a general deflection away and a drawing towards, and much weaker. Still, he could pull the salt to him from across the table, and that boy would have to touch something to affect it, from the look of it. It had made him a devil to hit in close quartets, but a caster like the tall one could have taken him down easily. Tarbe squinted closer. The tall caster was Bird, one of the Malk's. The short one, the one running like a rabbit with its tail on fire, would be his brother, Derek.

Derek had spiraled in close enough to make a pass at Bird now, and he rammed his staff into the ground with a blue flash. It catapulted him sideways, and he soared towards the middle position Bird had taken, pulling his legs up into a tight, swift ball, ready to knock him over.

The caster was calling green flashes more and more quickly, using the staff now to aim them, until the air flashed with green lightning. Derek had already swung his feet up, however, and they soaked in to his legs and shins as he flew toward Tall. Tarbe winced - if he remembered right, Bird had a Stunning Charge, more commonly known as Snakebite. Tarbe did not envy Derek. Which was why he eased his old back down and watched in rapt fascination, of course. Had to make sure they wouldn't get hurt.

Bird backed off cautiously, movements sharp and flickering with red light. Derek shoved himself to his feet, leaning on his staff as his legs recovered from the missiles. His heartstone healed him a few seconds later, and he dashed forward, staff charged blue from his right hand. The staves descended, and each clack of wood was punctuated by a harsh blaze of blue, staggering Bird backwards. For the moment it gave him the advantage, but the counter to Tall's missiles -the red charge he had been using earlier - must have sped up his reactions enough that he could block each charged blow, evening the field.

A moment later, the combatants drew apart again, settling into formal fighting stances. Bird fell into Boar stance, low and cautious, while the attacking Derek took the aggressive Bear stance, staff held higher and slightly to the side. They circled for a moment, then Derek leapt forwards, staff shimmering blue. He swung at Bird in a series of quick blows from the sides, breaking his defence with charged strength, before switching into a brutal set of overhand blows.

Bird's left arm blazed crimson as he drew all he could from it, boosting his reflexes to supernatural speeds for an instant. As Derek brought another glowing blow down toward Bird, Bird reversed his grip and planted his staff in Derek's chest with a thump. He sent one last pulse of green brilliance through the staff, falling backwards from the effort, just as Derek reacted, grabbing the offending staff and pulsing blue into the taller boy's gut with a shove. The two charges washed over each other, eddying and losing some power from the contact, but still connecting.

Tarbe watched in morbid fascination as Bird flew backwards with a sharp crack of concussed air - or bones - and Derek fell over, spasming and unconscious. They both landed with puffs of sand, out cold.

Tarbe hurried down, as fast as his old bones would allow. Derek would almost certainly be alright, as Bird's snakebites shouldn't be lethal, but Bird might be in trouble if Derek's charge had hit anything vital. As far as he could tell, though, he was lying as still as a corpse, face towards the sun. Tarbe craned his neck as he got closer, trying for a look at Bird's face. It seemed fine, but was he breathing? A second passed, then two, as Tarbe watched his chest for signs of life - what would he tell Derek?

[Quiver he/him]

First, I'm calling the title for this as evidence of my influence. Titling drafts as mark x seems to be a growing thing now.

Second, I'm just gonna say some stuff in response to your last comment in your other thread (since it's probably more relevant to keep it in the most up to date version). As you could probably tell, I really like the idea of universal magic, so I'm very interested to see how this world works beyond this short piece. I also find the heart stone a pretty interesting idea. I know mythical creatures get associated with that sort of thing (like a bezoar) so having it be a typical part of human anatomy is interesting. I was going to ask what might happen if the hearthstone was removed, or transplanted, but I'm not sure if this society is at a point where that would be possible.

So, commenting on this as a piece of writing, it's better. Since your last piece was titled as the fight, I half-ignored Tarbe, but in this, I like that he is much more involved. It makes it clearer that it's all from his POV. You mentioned having to age him up in the last piece, which I didn't feel. He sounds a little younger than ninety here to me,which I think works well. Even before you go into the whole hearthstone thing, it adds a little bit of alien ness to the world. The small details, like what the charges are called and how Tarbe knows their name, adds to the authenticity of it.

[Swimmingly he/him]

First, I'm calling the title for this as evidence of my influence. Titling drafts as mark x seems to be a growing thing now.

Second, I'm just gonna say some stuff in response to your last comment in your other thread (since it's probably more relevant to keep it in the most up to date version). As you could probably tell, I really like the idea of universal magic, so I'm very interested to see how this world works beyond this short piece. I also find the heart stone a pretty interesting idea. I know mythical creatures get associated with that sort of thing (like a bezoar) so having it be a typical part of human anatomy is interesting. I was going to ask what might happen if the hearthstone was removed, or transplanted, but I'm not sure if this society is at a point where that would be possible.

So, commenting on this as a piece of writing, it's better. Since your last piece was titled as the fight, I half-ignored Tarbe, but in this, I like that he is much more involved. It makes it clearer that it's all from his POV. You mentioned having to age him up in the last piece, which I didn't feel. He sounds a little younger than ninety here to me,which I think works well. Even before you go into the whole hearthstone thing, it adds a little bit of alien ness to the world. The small details, like what the charges are called and how Tarbe knows their name, adds to the authenticity of it.

There were very few changes there. I'm working on a follow-up. Also, in response to your question - heartstones essentially replace the immune system in this world. There are biological mechanisms to fend off disease, but they won't keep you going for more than a few months, tops. This is in part to the fact that, as a baby, your heartstone inhibits normal gut microbes and small infection that would normally prime your immune system. The exception is those born without heartstones - they're perfectly fine, usually, though this culture doesn't have a concept of bandages or even first aid for those with any injury less than a break. Painkillers are basically arcane, and are reserved for those rich and badly injured.

On Tarbe's age, the fact that even centagenarians never get muscle ache or bruises means that there are a lot of very fit old people.

Healing Charges are weird, by the way. There are several types, some can dull pain, undo damage caused by Charges, or boost a subject's own Heartstone. They cannot heal directly.