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Waifs and Strays – Submission 4 – 151019 – Chapter 4 - 3902 words (-)


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The end of the chapter does a great job making me want to continue reading. 


The reminiscing about the event shown in the prologue went on a little too long in my opinion.


I would have liked to see some new form Casting.


I'm excited for next week's submission :).

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- Again, I love the titles of the chapter headers.


- The flashback of Benam pulling the levers is a little out of place, since it was only a couple chapters ago. It seems too similar to what we already read . . . it might be better to see new information, even if it is just Benam seeing this experience differently over the years.


- I like Alma and Benam's interplay, but her faith is a little contradictory to her world-weariness. I don't think she should appear to blindly follow whatever the king says.


- I also liked the last line of the chapter as well :)

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Thank you, gentlefolk - goods comments. Some things for me to think about there, which I will!

The last couple of chapter titles are a bit flipant. I'm not sure if they fit with this story. It started out differently. I had in mind to write an irreverant and rather 'bawdy' / gritty fantasy, but it hasn't really worked out that way. I till want to do that though, write a rougish story with more of a comic strand through it. I might transfer these titles to that.

I will look at the reminicing again, not hitting the mark, I see. Glad some key points are working.

Much appreciated - thanks!!

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--Unfortunate i don't have much to offer on this chapter. I enjoyed it and was ever so happy to be in Benams POV.

you have me thinking there is some sort of conspiracy in the kingsman or that the men were not really kingsman but stole the cloths.


--I find it fitting that Ahma is Pro-kings on edicts related to casting. I might be mistaken but i believe you stated she is a caster as well , So it would fit that she could either hate the power or pretend to hate it as a cover so people do not expect it of her,


--Good tension in the Covelle scene

--great ending


Look forward to the next

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