30 april 2013 - yankorro - The Slim Black Rectangle ch 8

[yankorro]

A day late (and a dollar short) - the time zone thing is tricky...

 

Here's the thread from ch 8, like i said before, let me know any parts that are boring or confusing or that wreck your suspension of disbelief. Also, if you like any bits of it especially, thats helpful too.

 

Thanks a lot!

 

[Mandamon he/him]

Nothing attached to the email!  Can you resend the attachment?

[yankorro]

oops! just resent it, sorry about that!

[Mandamon he/him]

I didn't see anything particularly wrong in this chapter.  The characters are still discernible, the description is good, and the events were clear.  (you already know my opinions on the style of writing for the story sections...;-))

 

I do like seeing some dichotomy between where the professor is from and the colony Riki lived in.  It gives some needed information that not all the colonies are in such a state (even if the means of production are maybe not quite legal).

 

I think the one problem I had with this chapter was that it didn't really draw me in.  It's getting right into the middle of this novella, and the reader should be realizing how much there is left to the story.  Yes, Riki is making more connections and learning where the rectangle came from, or who's looking for it, but even with that, I felt nothing really happened.  I thought he was going to spend more time with the old man and the girl, because the whole last Riki chapter was about them.  But they just gave him a warning about Jaguars and sent him on his way.  Then the interview with the professor is even shorter.  For a story of this length, it seems like two chapters didn't really give a lot of progress to the main objective.  Nor did they really fill out Riki's personality any more.  I wouldn't think Celia would learn a lot more about her father from Dimas telling her this part.

 

Thinking to other novellas I've read recently (Legion, The Emperor's Soul, Dominion, The Sagan Diary, the Human Division part 1) each one has a certain snap to each chapter and something important happens in it.  There's never a wasted character or connection. 

 

I'm interested to see what happens as we get to the climax/end of the book, but I'm wondering if some of the middle portion (like what you did with chapters 7 and 8) might be able to be cut down.

 

Feel free to prove me wrong!  I look forward to the next installment.

[yankorro]

I thought he was going to spend more time with the old man and the girl, because the whole last Riki chapter was about them.   

There's never a wasted character or connection. 

 

I'm interested to see what happens as we get to the climax/end of the book, but I'm wondering if some of the middle portion (like what you did with chapters 7 and 8) might be able to be cut down.

 

Feel free to prove me wrong!  I look forward to the next installment.

 

Right on, thanks for the feedback. I guess the idea was for this part to be sort of the rollicking action-packed sequence of the book. But maybe the character is just bouncing around aimlessly. As far as wasted characters or connections, would it make a difference if I went ahead and said that the old man and the girl come back in the next chapters, in hopefully unexpected ways?

 

I will consider your suggestion of trimming it down some. Again, thanks for the feedback, I'll try to reciprocate here when I get a chance!