1/19/2026 Paul SB - Incompatible sub06 - 4919 words

[Paul SB]

Hello again. I hope you are all enjoying the story so far. Our hero is still taking refuge on the alien planet, doing the compare/contrast like humans always do when they encounter unfamiliar people. I'm an anthropologist by training, so I find this stuff fascinating, though I know it won't be very appealing to fans of John Wick, since I don't depict people getting shot on every page. Hopefully you will enjoy it. Some action is coming in the next chapter.

 

Here our hero has an encounter with the local equivalent of government, which might seem too utopian to some readers. Keep in mind that these people are not human, so what works for them isn't necessarily what will work for humans in their current state. I explore this theme in much more detail in the third and fourth books of my trilogy.

We also find that there are more than one species living on this planet, and get some hints about trouble to come.

 

Enjoy! 

 

Summaries by Entry: Incompatible with Love

 

Entry 1 — Daisy Viramontes, who has stowed away on an autonomous cargo ship heading for Mars, becomes alarmed when she realizes that the ship is still going after it should have landed. When she goes up to the bridge to see if she can find out what is happening, she discovers that there is another stowaway. He is a spy for the European Union, and tells her that the ship is going to to the dwarf planet Ceres and he is there to find out why.

 

Entry 2 — The ship reaches Ceres and Daisy and the spy try to hide from the cargo handlers. Guards see them and chase them through a secret base. The chase ends when they crash into a lounge full of aliens.

 

Entry 3 — Our intrepid hero is captured and imprisoned after her spy buddy is shot.

 

 

Entry 4 — The aliens contact our intrepid hero and ask questions about the social systems of humans, after revealing that they have suspicions about the particular humans they are working with.

 

Entry 5 — The aliens break our intrepid hero out of captivity and sabotage the experimental ship they were helping the corporation build.

 

Entry 6 —  Our intrepid hero is cramped into a tiny spaceship with one of the aliens for days, and learns a little bit about her liberators.

 

Entry 7 — They reach C’s home world where D meets C’s Left Mother, who had been missing for many years after being enslaved by another species.

 

Entry 8 — This entry is a day in the life on an alien world, with some comparative culture.

 

 

Bon apétit!

[Appol PhD they/he]

Overall: It helps to hear that the anthropology side is a personal interest. I don’t think any of it is bad, though I think there’s some work to be done making them feel more relevant for the story and characters. They don’t need to feed into a fast-paced plot like John Wick, but I think it should be clear why these details are chosen for a story about D and C.

One thought is that you’ve mentioned in replies that D still has her mission to find her gf, but we don’t really see that on the page much (though the bits at the end are a good way of showing us that she hasn’t escaped her past). I think we need some more character conflict in D, and my first thought would be having D learn about the culture of the AR and feel more and more conflicted about leaving what feels like a utopia to dive back into messy and complex human dynamics. As with all prescriptive suggestions feel free to take it or leave it, though hopefully it helps show my thought process.

As I go:

Pg 1-2. I don’t think this background info needs to be relevant to plot/action but I think it could tie into other elements like D’s character more. Her saying that it sounds too utopian to be true is a good start.

Pg 3. I like the AR’s motivation to learn more about humans culturally, though I usually find this kind of thing stronger if it’s geared towards a specific goal. I don’t think C necessarily needs to be upfront, but I think we should get the feeling that the AR are planning something by bringing D here.

Pg 6-7. Overall I think it’s good that the story keeps the conversation moving and doesn’t lean too much on internality, but I think we could use a bit more to see why these conversations are important enough to D (or C) to be shown in full.

Pg 10. D having to take care of a baby alien could be used for good stakes/character conflict. Curious to see what the story does with it.

Pg 15. I like the dynamic of alien doctors having to figure out how to treat humans, though we might need a bit more from D here since the doctor isn’t really the character I care about.