Appol PhD they/he Posted January 13 Posted January 13 All right back to my regular-length critiques! Overall: I don’t think it needs explosions, but I do think it needs a bit of a tighter focus on what matters for D’s story. The main dynamics I noted that I thought had potential for being more of a focus here are D’s analysis of how the AR’s society is the alternative to capitalist rule that she’s been looking for, and how that risks pulling her away from her mission to eventually get to her love. Most of the other details didn’t feel as relevant for what the story seems to be about, so could probably be quickly summarized when they become relevant rather than frontloaded here. Or of course maybe the story isn't about what I think it's about right now and it could be refocused in an entirely different way. As I go: Pg 2. Similar thoughts so far to last submission. Some fun pieces to play with but I think the story needs to do a bit of work establishing why it matters that AR are like this. Pg 3. The climate change stuff feels like something we already know and that D doesn’t offer much additional insight. I think her comments on Social Darwinism have a bit more weight because that leans more into the speculative elements of how it had a resurgence (or if it ever even left) in this futuristic sci-fi world. Pg 4-5. D being shocked that the AR don’t put her to work is good characterization that uses the specific situation she’s in to inform how she reacts and what’s meaningful to her. When I talk about wanting the discussions to be about things that matter to the characters and story, this is an example of where I think it’s done well. Pg 7. Does D have any idea what the AR are doing with the info on humans they get from her? Could be an avenue to connect this scene to the larger story. Pg 9. This has the makings of good character conflict, where D is being pulled on the one side by love and on the other by a (more or less) collectivist utopia that’s the antithesis to the system she hates. If that’s going to be the focus, I think it needs to be explored more here
Paul SB Posted January 14 Author Posted January 14 Okay, some ideas I can work with here. Thanks a bunch!
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now