1/05/2026 PaulSB - Incompatible sub04 3521 words

[Paul SB]

Hello readers my old friends ... This one is one longer than average chapter. Our intrepid hero arrives on an alien world, meets the family, and gets to know the locals. It's necessary to contrast these people and their society with human people and their society. I just hope it's interesting and didn't go on too long.

 

 

[Appol PhD they/he]

I like that D is proactive here about trying to get info. A lot of authors mistake positions of power for character agency, so it's nice to see that despite D being pretty powerless in the world she's being active in the story and trying to get some answers. However, I think we need more on what her motivations and plans are now that her initial goals have been thrown out the window. I also think we need a stronger sense of stakes around what C and the AR are up to. Ideally it feels like what they're doing is important enough to justify the focus being on them instead of anything else in the universe, and I think this story needs a bit of work before it gets there. 

[Paul SB]

I'm not sure I understand your last two sentences. The protagonist is kind of stuck with C and doesn't have her own FTL-equipped space ship, so she really doesn't have a whole lot of choice. And what the AR are up to requires that you learn a little about there culture, which will happen over the next few chapters.

[Appol PhD they/he]

9 hours ago, Paul SB said:

I'm not sure I understand your last two sentences. The protagonist is kind of stuck with C and doesn't have her own FTL-equipped space ship, so she really doesn't have a whole lot of choice. And what the AR are up to requires that you learn a little about there culture, which will happen over the next few chapters.

Just because D doesn't have any choice right now doesn't mean she can't start to develop long-term goals based on what she learns. And the broader point is that the story chooses what it focuses on and how far ahead in time it jumps, and it has to justify that choice. If you believe that putting stakes in these scenes doesn't make sense (which I'm not convinced of; there are plenty of ways D and C could need each other on board short-term for their long-term goals), we should skip ahead to when we have them. 

[Paul SB]

D is a bit overwhelmed here. She was just abducted by aliens!  Sure, a character that is too passive is boring, but a wait-and-see approach is a strategy, and often the best option, like when you're crammed into a tiny lifeboat or something similar. She knows she doesn't have much information, and as an escaped slave she doesn't have a lot of options. She's also torn between two goals: reuniting with her gf and finding her mother and little sister. Still, she could certainly ask more questions about what is going to happen to her and draw some conclusions from there.