looking for feedback on my writing, thank you.

[Tam Tucker]

This short story I wrote for a writing contest. I won a ten-dollar gift card to Walmart and an award that hangs on the wall in my house. Put a couple of pics of my dog. Though I don't like to, since people can imagine what type of dog it is. 

 

Spoiler

Polly’s story

-

The birds chirp and sing to each other as they sit on tree branches with yellow leaves
hovering over me. My eyes open, and sunlight streams through the tree tops to the forest
floor. I stretch and shake off the dirt and dust from yesterday’s activities and prepare to face
today’s challenges.
The smells of the forest—wood, dirt, and musk surround me as I move around the area; a
new scent catches my nose: fresh water. My mouth feels dry, and in this heat, panting is the
result. Following the smell, I find the blue body of fresh water; I lap up the liquid, wetting
my tongue: gulp, gulp, gulp. Feeling the water slide down my throat, and energy returns to
me.
After quenching my thirst, I catch the scent of a rabbit nearby. My nose leads my eyes to
a ball of gray fur. I instantly feel hungrier just by glancing at the juicy, meaty form sampling
a blade of grass. Getting lower to the ground, I slowly edge my way toward the rabbit. One
of its ears twitches, and I know before I can pounce for the kill that it senses danger, so I
launch myself after it with all I have. The rabbit realizes what’s happening just a second
before I can get it and hurriedly hops slightly faster than I. As I zigzag through the
forest, I can almost taste the rabbit right before my nose. Before I know it, the rabbit jumps
into its haven of a small hole in the ground. I claw at the unyielding ground in vain while
growling and barking in frustration. Defeated, I walk off in search of other prey. My
stomach growls. Smelling something in the distance—after traveling for some time,
walking on the hot, rigid surface where I’ve seen noisy objects zoom by at a scary speed.
While crossing to the other side of the forest, I am greeted by a noisy object so loud that it
hurts my ears. From almost getting run over by one of these objects to dealing with the
nasty smell of burning something, I cannot name it; it takes me a moment to catch my
breath.
Getting back to the smell, follow its trail and see the most wonderful thing in the world:
A gray squirrel with a bushy tail and all its deliciousness. I run with everything I have, going
after the squirrel, trying to scare it into making a mistake. But the squirrel is agile and finds
the safety of a tree. I angrily bark up a tree. At that point, I wonder if I will ever eat again.
Snap! Atwig snaps behind me, so I turn around and see a creature on two legs. At first, I
don’t know if he means me harm. Sniffing the air, I smell no signs of harming me, and I
smell something else. In one of his hands, he holds a wonderful-smelling piece of food.
Running to get to this treat. He allows me to eat it before he suddenly wraps something
around my neck; he is pulling on this thing, leading me toward something, and I cannot get
away, and it isn’t long before I am put inside one of these noisy objects. After a short time, I
am taken to a place filled with others of my kind barking at me, so I start to bark back at
them. I feel petrified when the two-legged creatures put me in my cage and close the door.

-

I have been in this cage for quite some time now. I don’t know precisely how long, but it
feels like forever. Sometimes, I start to think that nobody wants me. The thought of never
leaving this place makes my heart hurt. I am one of God’s creatures and deserve to be
treated with love, kindness, and respect.
Day after day, two-legged creatures come by, and I claw at my cage, trying to get their
attention. They smell friendly and know they’re looking for my kind. Trying to look cute,
but they move away from me. I lay down in front of the cage, face on top of my paws,
disappointed once again.
Others of my kind are chosen and taken away, leaving me alone in this cage without a
pack. The walls feel like they’re closing around me, and I am alone. The ability to walk
around is excellent, but if I run in either direction, I’ll plant my face into the noisy wall.
Right about then, I get the itch to run somewhere; I don’t know where. Being in this cage is
becoming so dull; I wasn’t born to live inside a cage for hours on end. Deep down in my

spirit, I can’t help but feel the need for a pack to survive. There is a feeling that these two-
legged creatures are part of our pack, too. Being left without one makes me feel like I might

as well be dead.
I recognize these two legs— I smell them every day. They have a different scent
compared to the others who come to visit. Some of these two-legged creatures take me
outside to a small area where we play, and they give me toys to chew on. It is so much fun,
and I can run around feeling free. Then I am in that cage; I hate cages because of this small,
cramped space that won’t allow me to run and play. I am thankful I am well-fed and have
water to drink, yet I was designed for more than this everyday life in a cage.
Well, it looks like I’ll be here another night. Exhausted from today’s events, I yawn and
lie on my bedding to sleep. I dream of a pack with those two-legged creatures with whom I
feel happy and free. They bring me food, water, a safe place to call home, and a spacious
area to run around and play with my toys. My pack could not come for me soon enough.

-

When I wake up, I eat, drink water, and spend time with the two-legged creatures outside
like any other day. Back in my cage, when I step to the outside-looking side of my cage, I
see one of those noisy objects that make loud sounds and move, and all the other dogs,
including myself, bark at the noisy object that arrived.
You won’t believe it, but two of those two-legged creatures are standing in front of my
cage. I can’t contain my excitement. I claw at the cage, my heart pounding with hope. The
one that smells female lets out what sounds like a small scream, and then I am being led by
one of the familiar two-legged creatures on a leash to a room. My heart is about to explode
with joy.
Once I am free, I take one quick rush around the room. Around the room. I am so excited
to have a pack; it will be what I am meant to be. Being petted never felt so good. I love them
so much that I try to lick them, but they pull back from me. Then they pet me some more,

so much that I try to lick them, but they pull back from me. Then they pet me some more,

and I am so happy. They take me outside, where I play with toys and mark my territory. I
never felt any happier now that I’ve finally found my pack, my home.
It gets even better. I am on the other side of the wall, the one we always pass by to go
outside. I am jumping up and down and running as far as the leash lets me. Then, the best part
is I’m outside and jump into one of those noisy objects. The two-legged creature that smells
male has me behind the one that smells female. The male is holding onto me as we move.
Some time passes; I don’t know how long, and then I jump out, and they lead me into a
wonderful place that is always warm and provides shelter. Exploring everything, and pretty
soon, this starts to feel like home. I love it so much and am so happy to finally have a pack. I
feel safe and loved; I feel like I belong.
-

My name is Polly; at least, that is what I understand and what they keep calling me. I like
the name they gave me. It makes me feel part of a pack.
I am not alone anymore. The male takes me for walks and runs early before the bright
light. I love it and enjoy the challenge of outrunning him, though he keeps me on a thing that
keeps me close to him.
Sometimes, they take me for a ride in one of those noisy boxes. When we arrive at our
destination, we leave the box and walk over to a big, open area with the same noisy walls. I
can run around and be free there. They let me off the thing that keeps me close, and I run
like a mad dog.
When the male leaves before the bright light comes, I run upstairs and jump up to sleep
next to the female, who wakes up after the bright light arrives. I am no longer alone; they
feed me and give me water. In return, I guard their house, always on the lookout. I love my
pack and will do anything to show how much I love them and how thankful I am for rescuing
me and brpackinging me into their pack

.

Spoiler

 

Spoiler

 

 

Edited September 22, 2025 by Tam Tucker

[Stardust She/Her]

Uh... I realize this is really late, but I read your story and had to comment.
First of all, congrats on the win! You definitely deserved it. Your story was amazing. 

(Also your dog is super cute; not really related, but like... it had to be said)

[Tam Tucker]

On 3/23/2026 at 11:41 AM, Through The Living Star said:

Uh... I realize this is really late, but I read your story and had to comment.
First of all, congrats on the win! You definitely deserved it. Your story was amazing. 

(Also your dog is super cute; not really related, but like... it had to be said)

Thank you, it means a lot.