5/19/25-ginger_reckoning-a song for silence sub 21, 2209 words (L)

[ginger_reckoning]

Thanks again for reading. So for this one, I'm submitting a section that will ultimately be largely rewritten because I've decided to get rid of the whole wager thing, or at least change it enough that this will be different. Anyway, I'm keeping it because there is one scene that I think I'll keep a version of regardless. I mainly want to know if the characters are making sense here, if it feels contrived that this information is being revealed here, and if the reactions make sense overall. 

 

Tags for depression/passive suicidal ideation

 

Also just a note I didn't include in the email, I estimate that I will have close to ten more subs after this one, so slowly but surely making it towards the end!

[Appol PhD they/he]

Time to finally get around to this!

Overall: I think the broad strokes of this chapter are a bit better than the last section of debate because they’re connected to a big revelation with big implications. My main comment is that on a line by line level while the writing is fine, the storytelling seems to bounce around a lot without internal logic that I could follow. Also, we chatted a bit about there being more engaging ways to handle the reveals around PU, which I think is still true. But if there is going to be a discussion around good vs. evil, the way S and A view PU is a good way to do it because of how relevant it is to how the world ends up.

Pg 1-2. I think A’s angst here reads pretty well, but it’s hard to be engaged with both that and the plot around the mercs at the same time.

Pg 3. Did we know L was heading here? Feels like she’s popping up out of nowhere.

Pg 4. Similar thoughts here. A’s questions and B’s questions feel a bit disconnected from each other, so it doesn’t feel like the story is being controlled about it.

Pg 5. We talked about this a bit over DMs, but PU being a hivemind is a pretty big thing to drop out of nowhere.

Pg 7. This is a bit more engaging of a debate about good vs evil because it’s connected to something more tangible.