4/14/25-ginger_reckoning - a song for silence - 3866 words (L, V, S)

[ginger_reckoning]

Thanks again for reading everyone! This submission has some trauma and discussion revolving around sex, motherhood, and childbirth, so just be aware of that. If it comes across poorly, I would like to know, of course. Other than that, just wondering what you like and what you don't, and if this is too long. 

 

Thanks!

[Appol PhD they/he]

Excited to dig in!

Overall: I found the scenes here to be engaging, and I’m more invested in this thread than what’s happening with L and B. I think the story’s overall best dynamic is A being super serious and S cutting the tone with humor. That way we get to have a feeling of a character on a deep and serious mission while still maintaining the lighthearted tone.

I mention this a bit in LBLs, but overall my biggest hangup is the flow of the larger story. What we get here is good, but it doesn’t feel like it’s part of connected thematic or story arcs. A seeing Le’s memories is good, but the fact that it happens just because she pesters S enough makes it feel a bit disconnected. And on a larger scale, I’m not sure what this story is really about right now. If it’s about A hunting down S, there really hasn’t been much progress there in a long time. If it’s about PU manipulating things, all we have right now are some vague warnings that don’t give us much to grapple with. Obviously the story should be about multiple things; I’m just not sure how to read it right now. 

Oh, and I thought the sex/childbirth/motherhood thing was handled well and was the most interesting dynamic here, including being fodder for S to cut in with quips. I think it helped that it felt like it was more about parenthood than motherhood specifically, since it doesn't feel like the story is focused on womanhood.

As I go:

Pg 1. I like these interactions, though I’m still having a bit of a hard time seeing the larger story

Pg 3. Another example of this. I like the scene and it’s good to let us read around S as it develops a conscience, but I can’t tell what the story’s really about or where it’s taking us right now.

Pg 4. This continues to be entertaining, though I’m also realizing I haven’t been able to get much of a read on D (though now that I’m writing this out I remember mentioning this before)

Pg 5. Now that this is being lampshaded, it’s making me wonder if Li is her birth mom

Pg 6. I like this from a character perspective, but it feels a bit out of nowhere that S can do this (though maybe it’s been brought up before and I just forgot)

Pg 8. This is a good character moment, though I feel like there could be more leadup

Pg 10. I do like the dynamic of S cutting through serious situations with humor

Pg 11. What about the other Ss? Does A just think it’s not worth the trouble of hunting them down?

[ginger_reckoning]

11 hours ago, Ace of Hearts said:

I think the story’s overall best dynamic is A being super serious and S cutting the tone with humor

Yeah, I think I agree with this here. It's certainly the easiest to write for me haha. 

 

11 hours ago, Ace of Hearts said:

I mention this a bit in LBLs, but overall my biggest hangup is the flow of the larger story. What we get here is good, but it doesn’t feel like it’s part of connected thematic or story arcs. A seeing Le’s memories is good, but the fact that it happens just because she pesters S enough makes it feel a bit disconnected. And on a larger scale, I’m not sure what this story is really about right now. If it’s about A hunting down S, there really hasn’t been much progress there in a long time.

Yeah, I think this is the biggest problem with the story. I feel like I am pretty good at writing the characters interacting and individual scenes, but the larger story and plot is unfocused and just takes too damn long to get to the point haha. Like, we are around 250 pages into this thing here, and they still haven't gotten to what I first thought was going to be the "meat" of the story. Needless to say, the next draft is going to have a lot of stuff cut I think, but I'm not exactly sure what. I feel like since them arriving at the city has been mostly necessary scenes (at least from my perspective as writer and with foreknowledge) so I'm curious if there's anything (other than the L and B stuff, which I think will be streamlined) that you think could be cut? 

 

11 hours ago, Ace of Hearts said:

Oh, and I thought the sex/childbirth/motherhood thing was handled well and was the most interesting dynamic here, including being fodder for S to cut in with quips. I think it helped that it felt like it was more about parenthood than motherhood specifically, since it doesn't feel like the story is focused on womanhood.

That's good to hear! Yeah, I'm not trying to focus on womanhood specifically, not being a woman myself I feel like there's better people to tackle that subject. But I do feel qualified to write about "mommy issues" haha. Anyway, glad to hear that it wasn't obviously in poor taste. 

 

11 hours ago, Ace of Hearts said:

Pg 6. I like this from a character perspective, but it feels a bit out of nowhere that S can do this (though maybe it’s been brought up before and I just forgot)

Yeah, I think I'll add an instance of it doing something like this before in the next draft

[Appol PhD they/he]

On 4/19/2025 at 2:08 AM, ginger_reckoning said:

Yeah, I think I agree with this here. It's certainly the easiest to write for me haha. 

In that case, I think this is a potential opportunity when revising. If there are story mechanics focusing A and S to be dealing with each other more, the story can lean on this as its strength. We already have it to some degree with A being linked to S and viewing it as a prisoner, and I think it could be even more pronounced.

On 4/19/2025 at 2:08 AM, ginger_reckoning said:

I feel like since them arriving at the city has been mostly necessary scenes (at least from my perspective as writer and with foreknowledge) so I'm curious if there's anything (other than the L and B stuff, which I think will be streamlined) that you think could be cut? 

It's hard to know what needs to be cut vs reframed, but in my observations:

-Most of what happens between L shattering S and A going to PU doesn't feel necessary

-Most of the scenes in PU feel like they could be a lot shorter to get the gist of what's going on--honestly we could probably spend 4-7k words there and properly get the background and emotional stakes (though this is coming from someone who aims for a super fast pace at all times)

What's been most helpful for me when revising early drafts is rewriting pretty much everything from scratch without really looking at the previous draft much, since the general sections that feel like they drag on too long naturally get condensed without me having to worry about continuity or pace breaking. But of course that's a lot of time, so you have to pick your poison.