1-20-25-ginger_reckoning-"A song for silence" sub 12-4183words-L, S

[ginger_reckoning]

Hey all! Not many notes on this one, other than I might put a chapter break somewhere in the middle of this one, not sure though. Also still aware of and looking for more suggestions of pacing issues. Thank you!

[Appol PhD they/he]

Excited to dig in!

Overall: I see what I think are a lot of the setup here, and it’s of course fine to have chapters that are setting up for later, but I think we need a bit more upfront for the questions it raises to be as engaging as possible. We get a lot of hints that the floating city isn’t the utopia A sees it as, but what we lack is direction on why that matters for A and how the floating city’s failings contribute to the stakes.

I’ll also throw out that I don’t think the floating city’s failings have to be subtle foreshadowing at all. My favorite parts of the story are when the tongue and cheek tone is used for social/political critiques of different cities and I think putting the cards on the table for the floating city and having A still want to be a part of it since it nullifies her pain could be a way to get me engaged with the setting here.

One last thing: I’ve mentioned this before but I don’t think A’s crush on J is serving the narrative that well (personally I feel like most romantic subplots in fantasy stories aren’t super well done so it can be hard to find good examples of what to do). I’m assuming A’s interest in J is going to feed conflict later on, but I don’t think that her feelings will strengthen the conflict since there’s no real dynamic there right now. The best romance stories aren’t about actual romantic feelings, but rather they’re about what draws people together and what pushes them apart, and the tension between the two. Right now, what’s drawing A to him (finding him cute) and what’s pushing her away (needing to focus on the mission) are too simple to feed a compelling dynamic for me.

Okay, rant from the aspiring romance writer done. Looking forward to the next submission! :)

As I go:

Pg 1. I’m guessing that the idea of her struggles being an inspiration are going to be deconstructed at some point, and if that’s the case I think we need more upfront since we’ve been lacking character conflict a bit in the last few chapters.

Pg 2. I like the comment about the floating city not actually having done much to help in the past. I think that sort of conflict is what we need more of, especially since it demonstrates the power dynamic of people having to stroke their egos.

Pg 4. It does seem a bit odd for the city to reveal its power source. We might have to dig into the motivations a bit more upfront here.

Pg 6. It’s nice to have an idea of the timescale here to put pressure on the characters

Pg 8. I like the knight’s introduction here but I’m having trouble following the dynamics with the other characters.

Pg 9. I get that W is pointing out bad things about the floating city, but I think they need to be more directed to carry weight. The lack of proper council procedure doesn’t make the scene feel as off as I think the story wants it to because it’s not connected to stakes for A or the plot.