I need help fixing my story

[Through the Living Heir he/him]

Hello! 

I've been procrastinating writing a story called Dragonheir (interestingly the username came first) about dragonheirs, who are reincarnations of the dragons who created the world, and thus have potent magic powers. Initially, there was only one kind of dragon, a number of elements for each dragon limited only by my creativity, and the dragons had become extinct due to the void, which matched the dragons' every act of creation with an act of destruction. When the dragons created the world, the void began to destroy it, but was tricked into destroying rock at the bottom of it, which the dragons kept eternally regenerating with magic (it tricked them back, unbalancing a pillar and sending half the world eternally sliding into the void). When the dragons made humans and granted magic to them, the void formed itself into shadowsmokes, which had powers to kill them. And when the last dragons, dying from the void's relentless attacks, created a mighty piece of magic to reincarnate four dragons every century, the void mirrored it, forming a warlock which grew in power with its dragonheir and destroyed with the same power that the dragonheir created.

But, I had several problems. For one thing, if the void grew stronger with everything the characters did, how could they beat it? For another, three out of four of my main character dragonheirs didn't use creation magic as dragons were supposed to, but rather manipulated their element in other ways. I'd had no idea where the dragons came from, and there was an impractical number of them.

Then, I was able to resolve all my problems, with new lore! 

I created two new kinds of dragons, and made the void another dragon type. Now I had creation/generosity, reflection/knowledge, destruction/greed (which I called wyverns), and change/movement dragons. I then created some lore for where the dragons came from; as heads from a primordial hydra dragon, who lost its first head and then sprouted two new ones, dragon creation and dragon change. (I haven't yet decided what made the hydra lose its first head) Over time, it lost more heads, with these growing new bodies and the empty space growing more heads, eventually leading up to dragon knowledge, who warned of the last dragon, dragon destruction. Thus, the coming of the Dragon Slayer was averted, and the remaining heads were given new bodies through magic, and there was peace, for a time. However, one dragon, passion create, started a war between the dragons, which toppled one of the sky pillars, gave rise to monstrous creatures known as shadowsmokes, and killed many dragons. The dragons fractured, not along magic type as expected, but almost randomly, and many dragons were killed. As a last resort, four dragons, one of each type: time reflect, dragon change, emotion destroy, and magic create; worked a mighty spell that was able to change the dragons, sending them throughout time, and removing their passion of war. They reincarnated as dragonheirs, one of each type each century, which would gain the memories of their predecessors but not the anger that came with it. Unfortunately, the Dragon Slayer was also brought into the spell, and its special state of unbeing changed how the spell effected it. 

Wow, that was a long tangent about the background. Anyway, I now had 16 elements, each with four dragons. The elements are grouped in twos which are grouped in fours, and there are two of those groups: 

Quote

 

Earth -> metal 

Air -> sound 

Fire -> light 

Water -> movement (or something) 

 

Life -> dragons 

Luck -> magic 

Space -> time 

Thought -> emotion

 

However, I still have several problems. A simple one is that I ran out of names for kinds of dragons. Wyvern (a dragon with two legs and wings) is destruction, and I also have drake (a dragpn with no wings but four legs), which will probably be creation, and wyrm (a dragon with no appendages, but can typically fly anyway), which will probably be reflection. But I need one more dragon body plan and name. 

A sightly larger problem is that all four of my main characters; space reflect, time change, fire create, and dragon destroy (hmm. check for white text above ); all have powers listed on TVTropes "story breaking powers" list. This is a rather high magic world, however, and full fledged dragons from previous reincarnation cycles are much stronger. I've complained about anime powers being OP and illogical, and then I went and did it myself. White text is hard to edit. 

Speaking of which; my main antagonist (which was a boring force anyway, rather than an actual character) has been deleted by my changes. Although I haven't written much yet, I still have to think of something new to continue, as my main plot has been vanished! I do still have a minor villain, an evil king who rules over the not-toppling-over section of the world, and will either have non-draginheir level power stealing, which could potentially steal the dragonheir-ness of my main characters and end up as a really evil quasi-dragon, or would already be a dragonheir, potentially magic-change (who caused several problems, including the shadowsmokes), from the last cycle, and would be partially transformed, already enhanced with dragonscale/spellsteel, but not yet a full fledged dragon. If he is the magic-change dragonheir, he could potentially take the other dragonheirs' powers for himself. (He's not the only one with that power, though...) Huh. I seem to have given myself some ideas just by asking for help. I'd still like some help, though. 

Thanks for reading all this. I'm looking forward to everyone's ideas! 

-Dragonheir 

 

[Hyper129 He/Him]

I would recommend reducing the amount of power the MCs have. Start them with either one power they have semi-control of or two powers they barely have control of. Then, as the story progresses, they could grow in their control of power, unlocking new powers and wresting greater control of their previous ones. Afte that, come up with an antagonist. Maybe the antagonist could be unaware of the MCs, then some sort of incident happens publicly with each of them and the antagonist starts to take action, sort of like the Black Riders from LOTR.

Other than that, I love the concept. Keep working hard!

My friend @iLewoArtist29 is an avid writer, so she'd probably have some pointers for you.

[iLewoArtist29 she/her]

Yeah, I can try to help... I agree with Hyper - that adds to the plot and character development. If the person is like Kell (Mistborn) it's hard to develop the power, so if you slowly introduce it, it can show in depth and it'll be more interesting. For the other type of dragon species (should I say species?) you could just invent something. I know that's a little weird but it's easier than finding an actual synonym/other type of dragon. So... like ?

Yes, you need an antagonist. It can be fun if the antagonist is like Telsin (so close but then was ambitious or whatever that fractured the relationship between protagonist and antagonist) but you can also just have some random overlord who doesn't like the MC because of something he/she did. And yes, the incident needs to be there, or the characters could come into this having the conflict already (but then you have to go and explain the whole thing again, which takes time because it'll be through a character's eyes and they won't observe everything, as opposed to having the facts laid down straight and not through a character's eyes; sorry if that's kinda long - it's a me thing). 

As for powers being OP... well, some of the ones I've created are so insanely OP that I've had to delete them. I'd say don't worry about them, but think of the complications and limitations. For powers, you can always edit what you create (well, with everything, really), but it'll be harder once you write the story to change them. So I'd advise fixing them now by thinking of how they can be limited. Alternately, you can have some big power change halfway through the story (like, I dunno, some moon or something influences a certain power and makes it stronger, like duralumin does to any Metalborn). 

Overall, I love the idea you're working on, and I actually have a friend who would totally flip if she read it. That aside, I like the idea because it's something quite original. That is my definition of liking fantasy. ORIGINALITY. If it's boring or too much like something else I've read, I'll read and enjoy it, but I don't love it.

Keep writing, I'd say! And make sure you have character development, and using spelling, grammar, and punctuation correctly or you'll have to fix it later, which can be a pain. I tell all my friends this, so it isn't personal, and if you have friends who can read, suggest, and/or edit things, that's also good. The best books are those written by authors who are not solitary!

- iLewoArtist29