People you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley

[Zathoth]

I would be up for it.

[Fatebreaker he/him]

Hmm, this is a good way to gain increased Alley awareness. I approve, but no trade secrets, y'hear?

I'm willing to answer a few questions, either as a Denizen or as my non Denizen counterpart.

There might even be a picture of me I'm willing to share, wouldn't that be strange....

Edited November 5, 2015 by Fatebreaker

[Zathoth]

You mean that you have an actual physical form? I thought you just took the shape of the Majoras Mask for convenience sake.

[ostrichofevil he/him]

So I've started voting for the Dark Alleys in the featured forum members thread and been told that if we win we'll need three Lurkers to answer questions. But I'll probably just post the questions here and get everyone input since the DA doesn't really have leaders, although we do have a few much more active members like Fatebreaker and Ostrich.

I'm honored.  What's this "featured forum members" thing, though?

[Fatebreaker he/him]

You mean that you have an actual physical form? I thought you just took the shape of the Majoras Mask for convenience sake.

 

It depends on the day. Sometimes I'm in a corporeal mood, Sometimes I'm not.

[Zathoth]

It depends on the day. Sometimes I'm in a corporeal mood, Sometimes I'm not.

Oh, I understand you, being corporeal does have its advantages, but sometimes the drawbacks are just too big.

[Guest]

Hee hee just spiked a guy in the Introduction Forums. He was wearing a top hat too, and you know how strongly I feel about identity theft.

[Fatebreaker he/him]

Offered my friend a copy of Mistborn and a cookie yesterday.

She took both.

It was a productive day.

[Guest]

ThirdGen, one of our Product Testers leaked information about you know what. I sent him a stern letter (see a few posts below), but is there anything other corrective action to consider?

Also: Based on this leak, should we push the product out faster and bypass the health inspection, or continue at our present rate?

[Zathoth]

I say we go through with it as usual, but lets send for some forgers so their memories can be deleted until our new products are out.

[ThirdGen]

Dump of full Alley product research feed available here:
xP5hGqa531A
WARNING: REQUIRES https://youtu.be/

[Aon tEhe]

say... if you have ALL pastries... i might go into that alley. I would die happy, you know. Thats all the 17th sharders want. Oh, and also the rest of the Mistborn ark. And all of Stormlight Archives. One does not simply stop reading Sanderson.

[Fatebreaker he/him]

We have ALL the pastries you could EVER want. Please, just step right in here and begin your journey...

[ostrichofevil he/him]

say... if you have ALL pastries... i might go into that alley. I would die happy, you know. Thats all the 17th sharders want. Oh, and also the rest of the Mistborn ark. And all of Stormlight Archives. One does not simply stop reading Sanderson.

 

 

We have ALL the pastries you could EVER want. Please, just step right in here and begin your journey...

 

Pewter pastries are simply divine.

[18th Shard he/him]

Atium pastries, I feel, are more god-like, but personal preferences, you know.

[flying_shadow she/her]

I was told there are cookies here...Can I have one?

[Fatebreaker he/him]

You may indeed. Take all you wish.

We have baked goods of every assortment and variety.

Please help yourself

[ostrichofevil he/him]

We have baked goods of every assortment and variety.

 

(Courtesy of the Non-Hemalurgic Research Division)

[Fatebreaker he/him]

Ostritch,I would like to remind you to kindly keep your methods to your Alley.

[ostrichofevil he/him]

I was referring to non-cookie Baked Goods, which are the whole point of my Alley.  Also, my Alley is part of the Dark Alley.

[Guest]

Anyway, you are my mortal enemy now, so if you do not leave, I will pluck you.

[Fatebreaker he/him]

We make other goods besides cookies here, though our cookies are our trademarked specialty. However I understand the confusion, and while we agree that the nonhemalurgic alley is part of the Alley conglomerate entity, alley's don't belong to anyone.

They simply are.

 

And Kipper what's this nonsense about mortal enemies? A house divided cannot stand unless the proper support structures are in place.

So let's hear your grievance. 

[Guest]

This...this...ostrich was selected to answer the questions for Featured Forum Members instead of me. Due to my jealous nature, I am offend. Really it was just an excuse to have an ostrich as my mortal enemy. I will have blood! And a new feather pillow!

[Fatebreaker he/him]

Well, to be fair, I've no idea who chose the respond-ees, I was just asked some questions.

But I see your point, this is a grievous injustice. Perhaps you could petition to add your responses to the list. Or get yourself nominated. You've my vote.

 

But in regards to having Ostrich as your mortal enemy, I really must advise against it for practicality's sake. 

1. Ostriches are really not arch enemy materiel, no matter their demeanor. I tried it out once, and it just felt lacking. I suggest a cassowary, they're much more villainous by half.

2. This will be seen as division within the Alley. And since the notions of separateness and togetherness are illusions, this reflects poorly on us. I cannot take sides, since sphere's don't have sides, only fears, but if you do truly seek to settle your perceived grudge, do so covertly. 

 

Ostrich, perhaps you could seek either to placate Kipper, or remorselessly crush him. Either one tends to end disputes.

 

I suggest you two start a duel thread, but make sure that this conflict is seen as personal and not Alley business.

 

Or we could start our own thread: Featured Denizens 

Then everyone would have a chance, and we could ask quality questions about research and experiences with transdimensional voidterrors

[ThirdGen]

(hollows out a hemalurgic spike, adds air holes)  Toot.