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My Short Story


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Lol. That was pretty funny. Very much a Christmas Carol vibes. I was sooooo confused though for the entire first section (I did not know it was about baseball) and I had no idea who Babe Ruth was until I googled it...  that's my problem though :P The Hotdog stuff sounded like suff Kelsier would say

Edited by Cinnamon
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  • 2 weeks later...

This is a very heartwarming story. As a huge baseball fan, it was great to see you bring in Babe Ruth as a mirror of the angel from It's a Wonderful Life.

The only criticisms I have are nitpicks: 1) the formatting of the Doc itself was a little wonky, but mostly because it's very different from how I set up my Docs on Google. 2) For me, having the ages of the MCs children be in parentheses broke the flow of the story. My advice on that would be to find a way to work their ages into inner/spoken dialogue or to cut out the mention of their ages altogether, as it's not a necessary part of the story.

Overall, your writing voice is fairly well polished, and your story made me laugh, smile, and chuckle. Keep writing, the more time you spend on something, the better you'll get.

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