alleyverse The Turnpike

[ostrichofevil]

All the Alleys, Highways, Roundabouts, and other Alleymatic Units of Travel had one simple flaw: no-one profited off of them.  Everyone could go as they pleased without paying a single penny.  Sure, you could be killed, Spiked, imploded, or the like, but at least you wouldn't have to spend your hard-earned cash.   It was a useless system.

 

It all changed when the Turnpike was built.  The Turnpike was the first Alley that charged tolls.  It was a miracle.

 

Of course, there were skeptics.  Some asked, "Why pay for the Turnpike when I can take the Highway?"  or "Why wait in line to pay tolls for the Turnpike when I can just take the Roundabout?" or even, "Why travel the Alleys at all?"

 

Luckily, the skepticism was put to rest, for the Turnpike is supreme.  On the Turnpike, you can walk without fear of death, or worse.  The Turnpike is Lighter than the Light Alley (for a fee), and yet its Research capabilities rival the Dark Alley's (not quite almost, for a fee). The Turnpike is more beautiful than the Parkway, and yet has better Venetian Blinds than the Alley Lit By Venetian Blinds.  The Turnpike is faster than the Highway.  On the Turnpike, you can take one step, and be in the Dark Alley, on the Roundabout, on I-95, or in Elendel.  The Turnpike gives instant, luxurious access to anywhere and everywhere, for anyone who can afford it.

[Curious Anamaximder]

All right, THAT IS IT  !!!!

 

 

 

Nice 

[Fatebreaker]

Hmm, we make a profit in most alleys. We of the DA even have two sponsorships from other guilds.

Sooo... kinda beat you to it. Nice effort though.

 

I am interested in that Alley tag you got on there though. Perhaps you could tell me how that happened.

Edited November 15, 2015 by Fatebreaker

[Kipper]

You've gotta be kidding me.

[ostrichofevil]

Hmm, we make a profit in most alleys. We of the DA even have two sponsorships from other guilds.

Sooo... kinda beat you to it. Nice effort though.

 

I am interested in that Alley tag you got on there though. Perhaps you could tell me how that happened.

Yes, the DA makes a profit, but not off of anyone who enters the Alley.  The Turnpike is the first Toll Road.

 

You check the box next to the tags when you make your post that says "Use first tag as prefix."

[Young Bard]

Petition to make the tag 'Alleyverse'. That way, everyone knows what's Alleyverse and what's not. Including the Highway, the Roundabout, and any other things that may spring into being in the future.

 

And we can prove, once and for all, that Reckoners is not Cosmere Alleyverse.  

[Grey Knight]

Alright, that's it.

 

DROP THE NAPALM!!!!

[Kipper]

Alright, that's it.

 

DROP THE NAPALM!!!!

Sir,

Per your request, the napalm has been "dropped," as you put it. The expendable crewmen company representatives were specifically told to "drop" the napalm, rather than "set," "place," or "gently lower" it. Your request was carried out to the letter, and we will need an extra $4035.57 to cover the hospital expenses for the expendable crewmen company representatives. Enclosed is an addressed, stamped envelope. NWI hopes to do business with you again in the future.

Sincerely,

Napalm Wholesale, INC.

[Young Bard]

To the Napalm Wholesale,

 

I find it extraordinary that you could not both understand the literal meaning of my words and follow them through without getting hurt. While I told you to 'drop' the napalm, there are many ways to drop napalm without being caught in the blast. For reference, I would recommend you airdrop your napalm in future to prevent such accidents occurring.

 

I have not paid for the extra expenses that this unfortunate incident caused. I hope your workers have good healthcare.

 

I, will, of course, obey any command that a napalm manufacturing company such as yourself is willing to give.

 

To good health,

 

your humble client.

[ostrichofevil]

Petition to make the tag 'Alleyverse'. That way, everyone knows what's Alleyverse and what's not. Including the Highway, the Roundabout, and any other things that may spring into being in the future.

 

And we can prove, once and for all, that Reckoners is not Cosmere Alleyverse.  

Okay, I'll change it.

[Grey Knight]

Sir,

Per your request, the napalm has been "dropped," as you put it. The expendable crewmen company representatives were specifically told to "drop" the napalm, rather than "set," "place," or "gently lower" it. Your request was carried out to the letter, and we will need an extra $4035.57 to cover the hospital expenses for the expendable crewmen company representatives. Enclosed is an addressed, stamped envelope. NWI hopes to do business with you again in the future.

Sincerely,

Napalm Wholesale, INC.

Thank you. Do you accept magic potatoes as payment?

 

To the Napalm Wholesale,

 

I find it extraordinary that you could not both understand the literal meaning of my words and follow them through without getting hurt. While I told you to 'drop' the napalm, there are many ways to drop napalm without being caught in the blast. For reference, I would recommend you airdrop your napalm in future to prevent such accidents occurring.

 

I have not paid for the extra expenses that this unfortunate incident caused. I hope your workers have good healthcare.

 

I, will, of course, obey any command that a napalm manufacturing company such as yourself is willing to give.

 

To good health,

 

your humble client.

It seems we have an identity thief in our midst.

 

DROP THE NAPALM! AGAIN! FROM THE SKY, IN AIRPLANES! ON THIS GUY!

[ostrichofevil]

Thank you. Do you accept magic potatoes as payment?

Of course.  Would you like a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, or lifelong plan?  Contact us for a price quote.

[Kipper]

To the Napalm Wholesale,

I find it extraordinary that you could not both understand the literal meaning of my words and follow them through without getting hurt. While I told you to 'drop' the napalm, there are many ways to drop napalm without being caught in the blast. For reference, I would recommend you airdrop your napalm in future to prevent such accidents occurring.

I have not paid for the extra expenses that this unfortunate incident caused. I hope your workers have good healthcare.

I, will, of course, obey any command that a napalm manufacturing company such as yourself is willing to give.

To good health,

your humble client.

Sir,

I did not get hurt, thank the gods above. Your orders were followed to the letter, and only the expendable crewmen were burned.

That is most excellent. We await your transfer.

NWI

Thank you. Do you accept magic potatoes as payment?

It would seem that there is not much current market demand for said "magic" potatoes. I don't need any family heirlooms, and even "magic" potatoes rot, so no. We do accept Visa, MasterCard, and cash in American dollars.

It seems we have an identity thief in our midst.

DROP THE NAPALM! AGAIN! FROM THE SKY, IN AIRPLANES! ON THIS GUY!

It was understood that the members of the Turnpike spoke with a collective voice. Was this a misunderstanding?

And surely you are not suggesting that our severely burned expendable crewmen company representatives just walk out of the burn ward and drop more napalm, when we haven't even received payment for the first drop?

Edit: I was ninja'd by the founder the Turnpike, the upstart, who presumes to know the payment options for NWI. Please disregard his instructions/queries, and DO NOT make payment in "magic" potatoes.

Edited November 19, 2015 by Kipper

[ostrichofevil]

Edit: I was ninja'd by the founder the Turnpike, the upstart, who presumes to know the payment options for NWI. Please disregard his instructions/queries, and DO NOT make payment in "magic" potatoes.

 

Dear NWI and The Potato,

Kipper is correct in his/her statement that one may not pay the NWI in Potatoes.  However, for no reason should this apply to the Turnpike.  The Turnpike may be payed in Magic Potatoes, Lemons, US Dollars, or many other delights.

Sincerely, the Seventeenth Shard Turnpike Authority

 

EDIT:

Oops!  I didn't realize Potato was replying to Kipper's post from the NWI.  I apologize, and any remarks that I made about Magic Potatoes were about the Turnpike and not the NWI.

Edited November 19, 2015 by ostrichofevil

[Grey Knight]

It would seem that there is not much market demand for said "magic" potatoes. I don't need any family heirlooms, and even "magic" potatoes rot, so no. We do accept Visa, MasterCard, and cash in American dollars.

I don't have money. Only non rotting magic potatoes. Besides, the potatoes can do lots of stuff. They explode, open vortexes to random locations, act as radios, make mini black holes, and other things that I have not yet discovered. They also make the best french fries.

 

And surely you are not suggesting that our severely burned expendable crewmen company representatives just walk out of the burn ward and drop more napalm, when we haven't even received payment for the first drop?

I meant drop the napalm on someone from an airplane, hopefully high above the ground. I clearly stated that I wanted the napalm dropped from the air, not the ground.

[18th Shard]

It is very expensive to buy a drone that can be flown by men still in the burn ward. We await your first payment, as well as a 53.i% advance payment for the second drop.

 

Sincerely, NWI

c/o the Dark Alley