Verdance

Im kind of afraid that one day all the people i never really knew would forget me, and all the people who i was close to kill themselves, and one day ill be all alone

I have one friend who has learned to live with depression and conquered suicidal thoughts and two who get worse every day

and hell, some days, rarely, i think ill join them. Not that i have any plans or reasons to, or that i ever think about it… but quietly, the future where i go to college from home, stay with my family, get married in my hometown, and die old and happy,

has become replaced with a future where i never see my family again. where i go become an athiest, transition, and eventually forget everything that makes me, me. A world where I make myself “happy” until i can’t bear my own selfishness and kill myself

and somehow i want that more. Not that i want any of that ending, but i want to start walking down that road

And through it all, I’m more worried I’m going to offend someone 

damnit