Dilly honor spren

293

On 5/26/2026 at 1:08 AM, JohnTMS said:

Hello all,

Super excited to finally join up here on the forums! Suppose I'm done being that much of a hermit to pop out of the woodwork every once in a while to throw out my 2 steel coins, so to speak.

Still have a handful more Cosmere books to read before I'm fully caught up,

• Yumi and the Nightmare Painter
• The Sunlit Man
• Isles of the Emberdark

but sans anything from Fires of December, I don't mind spoilers in the slightest!

 

Hope everyone reading has a phenomenal day 

hello! so happy you're here! one question: have you eaten a tree recently also 

thank youuuu

So lift doesn't need stormlight to for her powers to work because she uses food or what not so if she went off world would she potentially always be able to use her powers? And if stormlight somehow dispersed would she still be able to??? I need answersssss *aggressively throwing science textbook*

hello and welcome! if you could travel to any world in the cosmere where would you want to go? 

On 3/17/2026 at 10:16 PM, kajsa said:

heyyyyyyyyyy guysss

it's been a long time since i've been over here, and i lowkey kinda forgot it existed, but i wanted to post because lately i've been struggling a lot with my mental health.--i say "a lot", but i don't really know if that's necessarily true; it kinda feels like i'm depressed all the time, so it's gotten quite hard to tell what's normal and what's not. i don't really know what i'm expecting to come of this; i feel like i just need to vent a little bit because there's been a lot going on, and i tend to be very non-vocal about my struggles haha (like many of us). 

for some background information:
i don't take any medication, and i'm not diagnosed by a doctor, but i have taken the official questionaires for both anxiety and depression on my own time and am at moderate to severe risk for both of them. i have a long history with both; i've had anxiety attacks and stuff since i was a smol child, and i've kinda learned to just manage it over time because i'm not really sure what to do about it otherwise. i've struggled with depression i think in general since i was like a tween, but it became really prominent about four to five years ago (holy guacamole that's a lot longer than i thought haha). i was going through a tough time in general and had just gone through a series of relatively traumatic or otherwise significant events (loss of a family member, two pets, left our church, moved, transitioned from homeschool to public school, and went through a complete shift in friends) that were just a LOT on me and left me feeling kind of lost. i struggled a lot with su!c!dal ideation and SH (specifically cttng). luckily, i had a network of supportive people online that i talked to/spent a lot of time with that kind of helped me through that. i quit SH a couple years ago on my brother's birthday and have been clean since, which is great, but sometimes when my mental health gets bad i think about going back to it. my parents also staged an intervention or something lol back in the "dark days", and they got me a therapist that i was with for a while (i haven't seen her in several years though), but they weren't really all that involved and it didn't feel like i could be one hundred percent honest with them. it's not that i don't love them or they don't love me, we just have a really complicated relationship (especially me and my mom), and i just hate talking about this stuff with them because it feels like my dad's just gonna ask if i've been drinking enough water and getting enough sleep and eating enough nutrients and my mom's gonna suggest more sleep and herbal supplements and it just doesn't feel like they take me 100% seriously the way that i need them to (even though they do try and put in effort, which i greatly appreciate). because of this i also tend to lie on the questionaire when i go to my check-ups at the doctor because i just don't want the interrogation(s) that would ensue. i do have a few friends that i can talk to, but my best friend struggles a lot with her mental health and has been in a bad place recently, so i don't feel like i should be burdening her with my own problems. i do also have a wonderful soft kitty who comes and curles up on me when he can tell i'm not feeling great. i wuv him. 

lately (though i can't put a definite timeframe on it; it's been kind of perpetual since probably november, though it was there throughout the summer too and never really leaves for good), i've been struggling a lot with depression especially. my parents think it's hard for me to get out of bed in the mornings because i'm tired, but it's literally because i just cannot find a single reason to get up. like i just literally can't. i generally don't have trouble getting up on the weekends, just the days when i have school, which makes me feel guilty and lazy until i remember that i'm literally a straight A student and i've gotten one singular B in my entire life. so then i'm like oh maybe i'm not lazy, but i still get stuck in this giant guilt spiral, which makes me want to get out of bed even less. my parents had to try like five times to get me out of bed this morning (after i'd already been awake for probably an hour and a half of suffering through my sister's alarms lmao), and even then, i was 45 minutes late to school. this would be fine with me if i didn't have to have close to perfect attendance to go to prom. and i am very much the kind of gal who loves to dress up in fancy clothes with fancy hair and fancy makeup to go have fun with my friends. so what should be an incentive to have good attendance just turns into a door to another shame spiral. which is fantastic! additionally, our school days are pretty taxing because classes are ninety minutes long, we have six minutes of passing period (but my school is somewhat large so almost all of that is spent just walking), and lunch is thirty minutes but that's all we get for breaks. my school is known for being quite rigorous in the curriculum and is a pretty renowned college-prep school, so naturally there's lots going on during the day and lots of homework--which i tend to procrastinate in order to make room for my hobbies and stuff when i can get them in (if i can). 

i also have a large number of siblings, so i am expected to help out a lot around the house and watch them and help clean and cook--all of this is fine, and it's just part of being a family; however, it does get quite taxing when i'm already exhausted, trying to work on homework, maybe trying to squeeze in a little bit of a hobby where i have time. i don't have time (or the mental capacity) to get a job on top of all of it, so i don't really have money, and i don't have a car (even though i should have that and my license by now; just another thing to add to the list), so it's hard for me to go out and do things without asking my parents for rides or money, which makes me feel guilty because i feel like at my age, i should be self-sufficient. i don't know if i'll ever be fully self-sufficient, though, and i'm actually terrified of living alone (i don't know if i'll actually ever be able to) because when i am left to self-govern, literally nothing gets done. nothing. i would probably stay in bed all day and maybe take like a five hour long shower and then get back in bed with a bowl of ramen or something--if i remember to eat. i have no idea what i want to do in the future, and i'm supposed to be looking at colleges and applying for scholarships and i just feel paralyzed. like what am i supposed to do??? i have no idea what i want to do, what job i want to have, but i want to go to college because i feel like based on the direction we're going in society, it's going to be really beneficial to have a degree. but anyway, i just have a lot on my mind all the time, and it's pretty stressful and quite exhausting. i find myself dissociating a lot more and more. 

aside from having next to no energy during the days (despite getting plenty of sleep at night), i am constantly sick physically. i do all the exercise, i get all the sleep, i drink water, eat good food (i mean yes i could cut back on sugar but cookies are cookies okay and life is too short not to eat the cookie or drink the chai latte), i don't have excessive screen time (my average is like 3.5 hours a day), and i try to stay generally healthy. but it seems like there is always something going on, whether it's headaches, sore throats, coughs, dizziness, fatigue, aches and pains--i legiterally do not remember the last time i just felt... normal. like... just living without pain. it seems like such a foreign concept, but i don't really know what to do about it because all the doctors i've gone to have just kinda shrugged their shoulders and nobody can really say anything definite. which is fine, i mean, i'm used to it, it's just not the quality of living i'd like for the rest of my life haha. 

i do also tend to struggle a lot with body image and stuff, which i'm not going to get into a ton right now, but it really eats at my confidence, and i wind up in my baggiest sweatsuits instead of jeans and one of my cute crop tops. i also have issues with dermatillomania that have spiked lately (my dad bought me some picky pads to try out to combat this, and i like them, but it doesn't completely erase the need to pick at my face and other parts of my body), which have also been detrimental to my confidence and whatnot. i feel like lately i've just been feeling very much like i want to crawl out of my skin and go into a coma which miiiiight not be the most healthy thing ever, and this has also been weighing on my mind.

i feel like because of all the things that are going on in my life and how heavy/depressed i always feel, i'm in a constant state of fight or flight and my nerves are perpetually shot. my hands are always shaking and sometimes my chest feels tight or i feel short of breath. it's hard to get up in the mornings, it's hard to get dressed and do my hair and my makeup, it's hard to eat breakfast, it's hard to go to school and to get through my day-- you get the point. it just feels like i'm slogging through everything. 

i guess i wanna know if anybody has tips or something for anything i can do to kind of make this all feel lighter? or like ways i can improve? also am i crazy or am i valid? sometimes i gaslight myself into thinking that i'm just being dramatic lol so please do

*hugs* *big box of hugs because words are hard*

WAIT you might be on to something big

10 hours ago, Ookla the Wanderer said:

if yall haven't seen it

watch Its a Wonderful Life

legitimately amazing

changed my life

if you haven't seen it

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its about a guy who's abt to commit suicide before an angel comes and shows him what the world would look like if he never had been born

 

OMG I watched that movie once!!! I thought it was a fever dream since I forgot the name of it!!! Its really good

14 hours ago, Ookla the Chaotic said:

Lovely update for you all.

As previously mentioned, I have felt the need to cry for the past like week since coming home from school (because of major final projects). WELL this has evolved to being a full fledged dissociative episode at the dinner table, which I was promptly bombarded with questions from my concerned mother during.

I chose to mention these feelings to my family, which I was then given advice on how to get through it and negate my anxiety and all. I appreciate it, and I know they mean well, but I am kinda tired of the typical “you just need to get through it” “focus on what you can do right now” and “when have you ever slipped up on an assignment” reassurance.

Like, I know. I’ve been living with realized anxiety for years now. I know it might be a stupid complaint, but I would really like my family to listen to my emotional issues and not try and immediately fix them.

Oh, I have also realized that my body will not let itself cry (probably from all the stress I’ve been living under)

It’s a great time in my head right now :,)

*hugs* if you ever need to just rant or talk I'll listen and provide hugs

*hugs* 

2 hours ago, Ookla the Intelligent said:

I'm doing horrible honestly I forgot about my band rehearsal. I just sat there crying for 2 hours and my mom had to call the school to come find me. I was just bawling my eyes out like a baby and hugging my clarinet in the corner of the band room having minor thoughts of hurting myself. My teacher says I get an automatic 0% on the assignment. I've never even gotten an A- before. Stupid inability to focus.

Although ig I already knew he hated me. I 'lost' my clarinet once and he got super mad at me and apparently another student took it. He didn't even apologize or tell me who did it or anything. He just made me look through the storage room the entire class, letting me cry about how I can't afford this.

There have been many other incidents but I don't know what to do about it honestly. My parents are both like 'well girl do better next time' and 'about time you messed up' and 'just keep trying'. I don't know how to tell them that I can't keep trying. It's an automatic zero. He doesn't care that I have ADHD or lots of mental health issues. He just sees a really talented clarinet player who's not 'putting her heart into it'.

So I'm just gonna sit here crying telling myself to be better and getting less than 1 hour of sleep each night.

oh my gosh that really sucks  I'm so sorry this happened to you

*big box of hugs* 

(he seems like a really bad teacher)

I hope you feel better 

On 12/5/2025 at 12:47 PM, Ookla the Nearly Free said:

Oh wow it's been a while since I got there

Might want you an update on last few weeks

It was... interesting

Basically I kinda broke down due to the number of assignments to juggle and general stress + fatigue from the previous couple weeks + lingering fatigue from the last couple years

So instead of working on those, my brain just went "nope" and I started drowning myself in whatever I could find just to forget about all of it

Because as you all know, when you stop thinking about something it stops existing entirely

That lasted around a week

Was scary

Brought back lots of old memories too because this kind of thing has happened multiple times for me in the past, and it often had bad consequences for me

In fact those episodes are the main cause for most of the lingering fatigue from the last few years above

 

And then... idk what happened

I was feeling so awful and I didn't know what to do

And out of nowhere, at the back of a class that I was barely following because of three short nights in a row, I just install a thing to block most of my usual timewasters

And I pretty much told myself "okay now you stop with that and you go and try to do your things

You only need to hold 2 weeks and after that it's much cooler 

But you gotta stop with what you've been doing for the last week bc you've never felt worse in your life"

...and somehow it worked 

kinda

I'm still way behind

I did manage to get back on some of the stuff, mostly because all assignments are teamwork and I managed to get people to onboard me on their already half compelted projects

(Everything being in teams was a major factor of stress though; you gotta talk to people, and then try to coordinate with them and you've got 3-4 of those running in parallel with different teams each time and sometimes people just don't care too)

But my mental state is waaay better currently (I mean it could hardly have sinked lower)

And I managed to do some work, which is more than none at all

I just gotta complete 2 more projects over the weekend but those are the last ones 

Then on to the 9 finals

Most are easy, it should be doable

Just gotta keep my head cool and it will work out

*hugs* *more hugs because I'm not good with words* good luck you can do this!

15 hours ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

guys

remember when i was getting kinda-bullied?

well i came up with a solution

stab them to death with friendship

dose a baseball bat of friendship work as well 

I'm sort of a bodyguard if you count yelling at a small child who was teasing my little brother for painting his nails 

18 hours ago, Hawks said:

I wanna just run. Not anywhere specifically. Jsut run. Maybe if i run fast enough i the wind will blur out my thoughts. Maybe if i go long enough i will collapse. Maybe then I’ll be able to magically verbalize to my family why i don’t Iike stuff. Or maybe ill go far enough that ill reach my old city. I’ll be able to talk to my old friends. Maybe someone there will understand ME. Maybe ill go long enough that my dad will finally be able to see that e doesnt know who i am

TW suicide mentions

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they say oh i know you your my Daughter i know you enough to know that this isn’t you. KNOW YOU stormING DONT DAD STOP SAYING THAT. STOP PRETENDING YOU KNOW rust! My mom will say she knows im not me “true self” with my friends at school. HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW WHO I ACTUALY AM! Stop saying you do you dont. You guys I didn’t even know i was storming suicidal until I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL AND YALL HEARD ME TELL THE stormING DOCTORS!! SO STOP PRETENDING YIU KNOW WHO I AM~! I get it we all stormed up before. And how about we just stop trying to go based of the past. Im not the kid you thought i was. Please see me for who i am. Not who you think i am!

and the stupid thing is all of this happened a bit ago but i never expressed anything and i tried to just ignore it and for some storming reason now im just needing to scream about it cause it kinda related to stuff now but sorta not really and I shouldn’t be mad about it now anyways.

*breath*

ok guys thanks for reading my ted talk.

*hugssssss* I today get were your coming from parents can be really difficult just but I hope your doing better rn just know you are important and wanted *hugs*

16 hours ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

Thank you

Context: In 7th grade (oh how young i was) there were these 2 kids in my PE class who kinda bullied me for having the same name as them. (I was also getting bullied by this other guy, but i digress)

and now, in 9th grade, guess who i have in my PE class again, and what their doing!!!

hehehehe (i want to punch them)

that sucks people who bully are the absolute worst

*hugs*

14 hours ago, Scadrian Lightweaver said:

mmmmmm sure

thanks!!

nice to meet you dilly!! purple and no!

YESSSS purple is the best color

2 hours ago, Hawks said:

Bro im literally 2 seconds from either having a panick attack or just curling ina ball and crying. 

Idk why

well i do its c cause im so tired my anxiety and depression are on steroids and im gonna hit my head into a wall. I could list at least 5 things that are bugging me but idk if i wanna blab some of it to everyone online

anyways.

Yay!!!! Thats great dilly!!

*hugs*

Im glad you do have people on your side. *Hugs*

and thats good that you’ve decided to not actually fight them!

 

*hugs*  aww that's upsetting panic attack are the worst

hey people,

so I took lots of your advice and convinced myself that  I had to tell a person I knew IRL like a few of you suggested, so told my older sister and now I have a safe human I can talk to for now. idk but I did it. ummm yay?

1 minute ago, Hawks said:

*HUGS HUGS USGHUGSUHUGS*

ok so 

Let’s get this organized

Blood relatives

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Ok thats bs. Let me clue you in on a little quote. “Family don't end in blood. But it doesn't start there either. Family cares about you, not what you can do for them. Family's there through the good, the bad, all of it. They got your back, even when it hurts. That's family.” Sometimes your blood is bad. Sometimes you feel safer with people who you see as family. Sometimes i feel safer talking to you than my family. Your my brother and i refuse to think anything else. The shard is just as much my family as my sister and mom. 

Fighting

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Like others said, that will just make it worse. If you wanna fight then please dont. No you dont deserve for it to be worse. You dont deserve this in general. 

 

*gives hugs to*

It’s allowed.

im just gonna say, everything else everyone said is good.

dont hate yourself. When i relapsed i did and it doesnt do anything to help the situation. *hugs*

forgive yourself. Remember your human and make mistakes. And go on everything else people said. *Hugs*

Why didnt you want rep?

7 hours ago, Just A Silvereye said:

*huuuuuuugs*

Completely understandable 

Not a good idea, but understandable 

 

Completely agree with Hoid Slayer here, you need to win your community over to your pov

You can completely be angry, but channel that into coldly angry and reasonable words

 

As a last resort, you could try to go to court (or just threaten it, it might be scary enough for them to make them move), so maybe look up laws of your country/state

but thats for if all else fails

 

You deserve better than this

Way way better

 

*big big hug*

People above me have said all the good stuff

Try to find something to do, someone to call, if the urges become too great

It sucks to have relapsed, especially after so long. But it happened, and you can't change it, so don't beat yourself over it. It's a completely understandable response to lots of troubled emotions you were feeling. Not a good one, but understandable. 

And thanks for telling us; this was really, really brave, and we are honored that you trusted us enough to tell us that

*more hugs*

*hugs* thank you *hugs*

9 minutes ago, #1 Taln Fan said:

Seconding what Kansas said. Expanding on forgiving yourself, please don't be hard on yourself. It already sucks enough in the moment, don't prolong your suffering with shame and guilt about the SH after the fact. About a fifth of people SH at some point during their life. It's something that tons of people struggle with, and you're not alone in it. 

One of the most important things is to just feel your feelings. Ik it's way easier said than done, it's easier to numb the pain, push it down via SH, or scrolling, or whatever it is. But I promise that if you sit with the feelings for a bit, think about what messages those emotions are trying to tell you, you'll have less distress from them in the long run. And when possible, take action to address those emotional messages. 

Most important is to talk about it, as Kansas said. Yes, online friends are great, but ultimately not as helpful as IRL friends are. Idk how your family is or your exact situation, but your parents are generally the best suited people in your life to help. They can book you therapy, which I always recommend, or take away sharp things/check in on you more, or whatever you need. And part of relationships (familial, friends, or romantic) is telling the other person when something they say/do hurts you. That applies to parents too. If you don't tell them when something they say hurts you, how will they ever know to change? They're not trying to inflict emotional suffering on you, they just don't know their words are having that effect.
Again, I don't know your parents, and that's up to you, but if they love you and are fairly reasonable, I'd strongly recommend just being honest with them. 

Aside from parents, I'd also recommend having at least one close IRL friend you trust, and can tell everything. If they're a good friend who cares about you, they're not gonna judge you or shame you, they'll want to help and support you. But having someone you can turn to in those moments, or seek comfort from afterwards, is a must.

 

thank you for the advice. after school today I think I might tell one of my close friends who is hanging out with me and hopefully she will be willing to help me find a way to tell my parents or something 

but maybe not because I don't want her to feel uncomfortable

I'll find a way probably

Just now, Through The Living Glass said:

*hugs so so so tightly*

I'm so sorry my dude

If you need support, or if you feel like doing it again, we're all here for you

*hugs back, lots of hugs*

Thank you so much 

 (also want to say to everyone thank you so much I'm really grateful for you guys and sometimes i cant put it in words but thank you )

33 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

*hugs*

I do. Hell, same thing happened to me three months ago. I needed to survive and function for a week, and I couldn't move under how much pain I was feeling. Physical pain I can deal with. Hell, physical pain I can use to fuel me, if I want (which is why I avoid it so much if I'm feeling sorta ok but not great, cause I need to hurt from it so I don't depend on it). So for that week I cut myself. Even though I promised myself I wouldn't. And I'm ashamed of it, and don't know what to do next. 

But at least you were bold enough to tell people. So good job. Others will have better advice than me.

Thank you 

*tight hugs*

3 minutes ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

*hugs*

This is entirely understandable, and I'm halfway tempted to come back you up.

Yes. Yes I do. Doing martial arts, I can't really afford physical damage (and can't really hide it), so I instead developed a system of physchological torture against myself. I frequently slip back into it, shooting myself in the foot in a way that makes others mad at me, so that I can enjoy their anger and the feeling of finally not having to doubt. (Context for that follows just to give context; this is not necessary for this speech)

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I have horrible self-esteem and trust issues; anytime someone is nice to me at all, I constantly pick over their words and decisions to try to determine what they're trying to get from me. It gets so tiring that sometimes I just want people to be openly mad at me, so I don't have to try to sort out what I think they're truly meaning.

It's not great. But, to quote one of my...not favorite, but certainly a song I feel the most, "It helps me cope, knowing I could be that version of myself . . . it's nice to know I've got options."

Having said that, it is, again, not great. So here are the steps I take to kind of deal with that.

Number 1: forgive yourself. Yes, you did it again. Yes, it sucks. Nothing you can do about it now except keep moving forward.

Number 2: if you've really messed anything up, fix it, or at least start the process of trying.

Third, I recommend figuring out some method to keep your brain in check. Have somebody, like a best friend or something, who you can always reach out to if you start to feel like you're close. Make that a focus in your brain: anytime you're close, call them, text them, whatever, and talk to them.

@#1 Taln Fan, I summon thee for better advice

Thanks your advice it really is appreciated and I'll try to take the next step forward 

*hugs* 

hey guys I decided to tell you something 

(trigger warning, self-harm)

(if this is not aloud on the shard I'll take it down(just let me know))

6 hours ago, #1 Taln Fan said:

@everyone
In case you've been slackin, here's your reminder to drink water, try to get good rest, feel your feelings, to not be hard on yourself, and talk to others about your struggles. Or else.

Figured this would make a good 1000th post for me xD
 

 thank you for the reminder I realized just now after seeing this that the only food I ate today was some crappy school lunch (I'm 97% sure it was raw) and I haven't drank any water today this also reminds me I need to tell my sister to drink water because she tends to forget as well

And YAYYYYY 1000th POST CONGRATS that's awesome!!!

4 hours ago, Hawks said:

AYEE FIRE 1000TH POST

andi totally eat……

ive had 4 serving size cups of fruit from school… thats food,…

hey I had a school fruit cup today too! I can confirm that its most likely food....maybe...

On 10/30/2025 at 8:36 PM, Scadrian Lightweaver said:

Hi! I'm kinda new to Sanderson and forums but I'm glad I found this because I needed people to talk to about the Cosmere and all the things it's making me feel. 

I've been reading the basics so far. Started with Elantris, then Mistborn Era 1 and now The Stormlight Archive, currently reading Wind and Truth (no spoilers, please!!!!). My favorite stories so far are: The Final Empire, The Emperor's New Soul and Words of Radiance. And my favorite character(s) so far is (are) Shallan and Veil. 

I really cried with the end of The Hero of Ages and so far with all of Kaladin's Ideals (specially the third. i dunno, but it hit me hard).

Can't wait to keep reading and discovering this amazing universe and its people!

PS: English is not my first language so please excuse any grammatical errors 

HELLOOOOO you seem very cool

you can call me dilly so what's your favorite color and have you eaten a tree recently by chance 

don't worry about grammatical mess ups if it makes you feel a bit better I'm dyslexic so I mess up English spelling and grammar all the time, so if you don't mind be asking what is your first language 

On 11/1/2025 at 1:53 PM, KatS said:

Hi,

I’m new to this site and don’t really know how forums work, but I guess if anything’s worth figuring it out, it’s Sanderson. Sanderson has been my favorite author for years ~ a friend introduced us to Mistborn in 2009. I haven’t finished the The Reckoners or Cytoverse, but I think I’ve read most of the rest. My favorite is learning about the Cosmere and Hoid - he’s so funny! 
 

Thanks,

Kat

oooooh Hello new person on the shard

I'm Dilly 

which Sanderson books books have you read?

also have you eaten any trees recent....no reason in particular    

glad your here the more the merrier...right!?