SmilingPanda19

Panda Life Update #4:

Today has been nice. I mean I didn’t have a breakdown…yet.

a little frustrated I guess.

Like…why is my little sister so perfect? She doesn’t get bullied at school, picked on, or continually lectured. She doesn’t feel like the family disappointment or the odd one out. She doesn’t ever have to worry if she is pleasing everyone because that’s all she has ever done… *sigh* I dunno. I’m almost jealous in a way…

Anyways.

I had church today, that was nice. I miss going to a youth group and feeling like I belong. I’ve left my church youth group because I couldn’t make any friends, I tried for 3 years. It really hurts that I can’t really call anywhere my church home. I feel like I’m struggling that way. It’s hard to see my little brother go and get along with friends and have a blast while I just feel empty inside, away from all of it. Sorry, that was a little rant.

I talked to my mom today, she found out people were picking on me at school. That was a fun conversation. It’s not like I do anything about it really when kids are indirectly bullying me, calling me out, mocking me and my glasses. I feel like I can’t move or breathe otherwise I’ll get hurt by one of them. I don’t really wanna go to school tomorrow. I hope something happens and I don’t have to. 
 

I found some pretty fun songs and ones people introduced me to, that was nice. It felt nice at least. 

I got to see one of my close friends perform in a figure skating show, she was excellent. I wish I had a cool talent like that. She is awesome really, she is so good at like everything. Ugh, I hate jealousy.

I mean I guess today wasn’t a great day then… externally it was good… internally it just made me feel well empty. I feel empty. I don’t know anymore.

Hey, I do have good news. I’m able to play Nintendo with people on the shard if anyone’s interested other than the people who I’ve already talked with. That might be fun. I got some games and am open to getting some new ones.

So yeah… sorry to everyone on the Hunger Games and Romance RP I’m trying, I just loose energy quickly. I’m trying.