SmilingPanda19
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I can’t even with today.
I thought I looked good today, I thought I looked okay. It was the first day in weeks I woke up and walked out the door not feeling like a dumpster fire.
I put my hair up today and my friends messed with it several times so I had to redo it, which by the end of the day it was a mess.
Some stupid kids in my grade kept giving me dirty looks for existing.I literally couldn’t sit still in my math class today and had to sit and shift awkwardly to keep myself focused and fiddle with stuff to keep myself focused which got more weird glances.
I am insecure cause I literally ripped my freaking thumb nail off by accident and have to wear a bandage and toss a friend of mine grabbed my hand to drag me somewhere and immediately looked disgusted before letting go.
Someone took a picture of me (I have like photo out of my thousands of photos in my phone of myself because I hate my appearance) and they really had to go “Well… your smiles… cute.” like they had to find something to love about me and even my smile was horrible.
A younger friend with literally no filter went “You have dandruff… and greasy hair… have you taken a shower in the last three weeks?” I literally took one last nigh but my body hates me. I try so hard, my dad even said my hair was so pretty this morning. I felt so good.
And finally, the cherry on top that ruined my day, made me literally break down when I got home.
My literal closest friend, the only person I have in my life to go to for physical attention and other crap. My best friend was on the bus with me and a couple people were making fun of my hair (they are my friends) and it got a little more personal and insecure attacking than just a joke. I literally went dead silent and stared at the ceiling. She, sitting right next to me was continuing the conversation with them even tho it was obvious I was really hurt by it. I lean over and lay my head on her shoulder and she goes to kiss me on the head or lay her head on mine or something and immediately stops. I then hear her mutter under her breath, “nevermind I don’t want to touch that actually.” I literally pulled my head back and had to resist the urge to break out sobbing for half an hour till I got home.
I hate my hair. I hate my smile. I hate my face. I hate my acne. I hate my nose. I hate my body. I hate my hands. I hate my teeth. I hate my laugh. I hate the fact that I work through my horrible day with the sole motivation to see that one friend and he a hug and I’m even too disgusting for her. I hate everything.
I am incapable of communicating my need for physical attention, insecurities, and pain so I just go silent.
Why did this all have to happen on the one day I was feeling good?
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I hope I'm not late.
*flexes fingers* Panda, you're beautiful despite what they say. Eddie said it better than I can, but I'll still try here. The rude people don't define us. What they say may hurt, what they say may be like barbs, what the say may affect your emotions on occasion, but what they say doesn't change the truth. What anyone says doesn't change what truth is, despite how much they try to make it seem that way. You are beautiful, Panda, you are an amazing person. And, even if you weren't pretty, your personality and just plain awesomeness shines brighter than the sun. What they say doesn't define you. While you're taking those showers, don't just wash off the dirt, wash off their words, their pithy jabs that don't belong in the same sentence as your name. In the same sentence as anyone's name. Shardsock, you're the more awesome shard sock by far, and I mean it. All of this insanity comes with being a teenager, unfortunately, and we can't change that, but what we can change is how it affects us, especially when we have people like the awesome community of the Shard to tell us that it doesn't affect the truth, even when it may seem to.
What I'm trying to say, Panda, is that you're beautiful and nothing changes that. You're beautiful by the way you talk, by the way you tell people what they need to hear, by the way that you do your best, the way that you tell the stories that you want to tell and more. Don't listen to those rude people, please, Panda, if not for you, than for all of us on the Shard who know what an awesome person you are.
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I'm so sorry, Panda.
I just got home from theatre and saw this.
You are so beautiful. I don't even know what you look like, but it doesn't matter, because I know your personality and it is such a gorgeous personality. Never feel upset about your appearance. It is impossible for you to not look good. In fact, it is impossible for you not to look stunning. You are such a beautiful human being.
If no one can see how freaking incredible you are, that is such a big loss for them. I am sure all of them are insecure and so they decide to make fun of you because they know how nice you are and that you would never dare to hurt them in the same way. This makes you stronger, Panda. It tells you exactly how beautiful you are.
I love you so much.
Please PM me.
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Okay panda, im sorry im late on responding on this but, you are a beautiful person. Those kinds of people are just insecure about themselves or too stupid to think about others that they think its okay to make you feel bad about yourself. I know its difficult smiles and I understand your situation and I am sorry for how they’ve treated you. Smiles you are a beautiful person, inside and out. And from what I can tell, im not alone thinking that. You’ve been there for me when I felt bad so im gonna be there for you. Smiles whenever you feel like you need to vent, im here and so is all your friends.
Stay strong you beautiful human,
