Weaver of Shadows

 Let’s start here. I woke up this morning early for seminary. I just wanted to sleep but it’s a good thing to be at. So that made me tired. Then I had jazz band right after, and I’ve missed so much of that from being sick and being gone, I feel so far behind. That was stressful and I didn’t want to be there. I was shortly reminded that I had an important interview with someone later for a school project, and that I hadn’t properly prepared for it. So I was extremely stressed from that. Then, in math class I was belittled and mocked by my friends because I was having a hard time thinking through my stress. My friends even noticed how awful I was feeling and didn’t seem to care at all. I tried to ignore my feelings until it was time to set up the zoom call for the interview, and, sure enough, the Internet wasn’t working for the computer I was using. Luckily restarting the computer worked and I got the call up in time, even if I wasn’t prepared with questions like I wanted to be. Then, that cut into my lunch, where I’m prepping for the ACT I’m taking Saturday…more stress. The next little while was better, I managed to hide my stress from people and even from myself for a while. Then school ended, I went to track practice. My stress crashed back down on me, along with some unrealistic expectations from my coach. For part of track track we lifted, I realized how awfully weak I am. More bad feelings. I was having a mental breakdown, I cried a little and I never cry in front of people. One of my friends noticed and finally I found someone who cared, which was amazing, but I was still feeling awful, I still kind of am.

 That was very long, but honestly it doesn’t do justice to how awful it was.

Also, I know I said no more depressing SUs, but I meant depressing thoughts, not feelings. Like you guys don’t all need to hear my questions about life and stuff, but my feelings are something completely different I think. That probably doesn’t make any sense, but it’s what I’m doing.