As to why everyone just went along with this, I think it's the normal way to react. I think that you are harming some people with the way you are expressing yourself out of ignorance on the subject (I don't mean to insult you, everyone is ignorant in different subjects). Just as you can't make someone who is sad happy by saying "don't be sad", nothing would change if someone told Shallan "hey you totally own all your decisions and maybe we should talk about why you feel the need to create 3 separate identities". It just wouldn't make sense because what is happening to her has nothing to do with reasoning, it has to do with feelings, emotions, trauma and a very complex psychological process. So, unless they are psychologists, the best thing everyone can do is accept that she is dealing with this and support her, not question her or make her feel even more insecure about herself.