willowcabins

Detail Editing From Elisabeth: - "She didn’t remove her goggles but with her camouflage down I could see bits of the white leather she wore, though mostly she was as caked with redness as the landscape." And yet, in the next line, you mention a white glove. Inconsistent. - “I’m supposed to be here for another three days,” I said, frowning as I read the hide letter. Not that she could tell." Didn't realise that she couldn't tell the frowning -- thought it meant she couldn't hear the words. Clarify? - Really really love the sister connection between N and E. The dialog flowed really well, and their dynamic rings true. -Weird q, but would you really refer to it as "earth" when it's getting in your clothes -- not "sand"? (This might be an ESL clarification). -The blue headband is so poignant!!!! The emotional rush feels so true!!!!! I love it. -ahhh the end of this chapter!!! so good!!!!!!!!!!

Hello! This is my first critique, so I think I'm just going to keep it short -- I'm German, very into Medieval Fantasy, and really really detailed oriented. And so the thing I was really looking for in your chapter was an overarching feel/flavour of your fantasy world. And I have to say -- it's confusing. The mention of mosaics means I assumed that it leant more into Italian-inspired Medieval Fantasy, but this got lost. The setting of your first scene could really clarify this -- what does the room look like? I hate describing things too, so I can totally see why you didn't want to, but just saying "it was beautiful" doesn't give any good anchors. Even just indicators of the color of the walls, the type of chair (or bench) people are sitting on, and the way the tables are organized could give a reader a lot of insight! Defining what beautiful means in this fantasy setting makes all the difference!