Prologue to my novel

[Inky]

Hey! I'm currently outlining a novel, with not a lot actually written down, but I do have a rough draft of the prologue, so I decided to share it with you all. Enjoy the prologue to Bloodless!

(It's in a google doc bc of formatting and one bad word )

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1N79Sh2VmfSnUdtugzzcmeJKHJxXbCkWZuGV0kXn-KcA/edit

Enjoy! Tell me what you think!

[Kureshi Ironclaw]

I think the basic idea of this is really fun and I'm interested to see where you take it. I don't think you've quite found the right voice for it yet, but that will coalesce as you write more.

[Stevent he/him]

I like the idea behind this. A person who can be ripped apart and then reassembled has a lot of potential. Despite some clunkiness with the prose, I was compelled to push forward to see where it was  going.

My biggest question/recommendation is this: who is the POV character in this scene? I think if you figure out whose eyes I'm supposed to be viewing this story through and then shape it to fit that character's particular voice, you could really have something here.