The villan

[Just another guyn he/him]

goo.gl/DdKCh1

here is a one page short story I wrote in second person, so there are two versions, with pronouns changed for the gender of the reader. let me know what you think

[Elandera she/her]

Fun story! There's some good suspense and descriptions through the whole thing.

Second person is a difficult thing to pull off. You did fairly well, though I think something that might help a bit is making it present tense, rather than past tense. There were a few times I felt it bounced between the two, which made it a bit confusing.

Another thing that can help the suspense is making "Step by step" a paragraph by itself. Making sure there's variety with the paragraph lengths can help change the flow of the story. With this kind of story, throwing in really short paragraphs helps provide a jarring sense that adds to the mystery.

I hope that helps! 

[Pagliacci he/him]

I enjoyed the story a lot.

Well paced and full of tension.

There are a couple of spelling errors here and there.

Elandera makes a lot of good suggestions. Excellent work!