Rough draft for book

[Life&Death]

I am starting a rough draft for a book and would appreciate feedback. What I have now is about half a prologue.

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1s4PG5bqgPaJ7dq-haq-eGp8TF8_IzLbMqxzvQTZ5JM8/edit

Edited August 22, 2018 by Life&Death

[Sherlock Holmes he/him]

Life, the main problem I have with your book is the backstory. It sort of ticks stereotypical to me; Life protecting Earth from the bad guys while a superhuman is developed to save them in the event of disaster. Why does Life care about Earth so much?

Bloodthirsty characters are fun protagonists, no? I still love Soul, he's pretty great.

[Life&Death]

Thanks for the feedback. I will admit it is a bit stereotypical. 

29 minutes ago, AxeliustheGreat said:

Why does Life care about Earth so much?

That will be discussed in chapter one. Soul doesn't know much as he's been locked up his whole life. 

29 minutes ago, AxeliustheGreat said:

Bloodthirsty characters are fun protagonists, no?

Indeed. But Soul is not actually the protagonist. The prologue is just the best way to introduce you to him as he is very important, but not the protagonist.

[+Sorana she/her]

I like Soul

It's a good start, and I'd like to se how you go on. I'll give you a more detailed feedback either this, or tomorrow's evening. If you want to, of course...

Edited August 21, 2018 by Sorana

[Life&Death]

13 hours ago, Sorana said:

If you want to, of course...

I'd love more feedback.

Sometime today I will add more.

[+Sorana she/her]

Here you are.

In general: I liked it a lot. The setting is interesting, and the character as well. I like the way you approach the superhero setting, because for me it was a mixture between the classical fantasy (anti-)hero and the more technical approach of a superhero. *thinks what she didn't write down in the document*

I received Soul to be a very cold and non commited person. Almost like a machine. This leads to a question about his motivation. Is he programmed like a machine (because he isn't as a breaks their rules) or why and how does he decide when to follow and when to rebel. You don't have to tell me, but I feel like you should think about it. Where his lines are, he won't cross, or when his patience is over.

If you have any questions regarding the feedback, please ask, I tried to keep my comments short but still understandable. Same with Itiah, if you want to bounce a few ideas back and forth, feel free to contact me. Otherwise, if you want to, I will simply give feedback to the next part. Please tell me, if the way I do it isn't helpfull for you, then I can change it. I don't need to go that much into detail, but if it helps you, then I gladly invest the time. Also if word doesn't work for you I can upload a pdf. But using the commentary function made it easier for me.

I'm looking forward to the next part and what will become of him.

feedback_sorana.docx

[Life&Death]

I will update this today, now that I finally have time.

[Guest]

Life, I thought it was very well done. Have some upvotes!

-The backstory was only as generic as the font(which is to say, it's a common backstory/font, but you did it in style).

-There were a few unnecessary commas but otherwise, the grammar was great.

-Your story is easy to follow(which is a problem I see with unpublished authors more than I should).

-You have a clear and defined writing style, which is always fun to see.

Thanks for sharing!