Just starting to write.

[Kaj he/him]

I am just starting to write and I wanted people to give me feedback on my book. Is this the right place to do that?

[Kaj he/him]

Prologue

I watched the worlds. Out here I could see everything. He was getting closer to his goal. He moved them like pawns. The only value he saw was the value of the power the they held. He didn’t care for the individual, nor for the bond which they each had. The souls of those he killed appeared on this side in a flash. I sighed, multiplying and sending my duplicates to talk to them for the time before they moved on. On Earth, his minion was approaching my child. On Terra, my child, newly orphaned, was running to Guidance. Gravity was following him protectively. Poor children. I thought. I need to help them. It was time to intervene. Something I tried to avoid.

 

---

It was dark. Kilo was alone. His parents had died three years ago. Murdered in the night. He was sent to a foster home, but the kids made one thing clear. He would never fit in.

Since then he had been running. Always moving. Never stopping. Whenever he stopped weird things would happen. Like just recently when running from some robbers, he ran straight through a six foot thick glass wall (though his clothes didn’t follow). And the time before that, he had surrounded by a gang. He struggled to see that he was still sane after this incident. He fought them all separately, yet at the same time. Disorienting as it was for him, they were just as confused, then unconscious.

Things happened, in the meantime. He had started to learn things. Recently, he realized that those weird things that happened were caused by him, and he was going to find out why. He had heard that some people have special abilities, so tonight he would meet someone to help him understand how to feel and use his abilities.

I shouldn’t trust him. He thought. He hid in the darkness waiting. I need an escape route. He scanned the area. The street to the left was clear. The dumpster provided a good visual and hiding spot. The blend of soup, fat, grease, and alcohol constricted his throat though. The silhouette of a man shrouded in an old cloak marked the man he was to meet. They were the gifted, the hidden gods. Kilo crawled out of the dumpster.

"Are you Kilo?” The man asked. Kilo noded. “First drink this,” he insisted. Kilo took the liquid as if trying to decide if it’s worth it. Making up his mind, he drinks it. Whoah. He blinks. In front of Kilo a boy stood. Looking like he was going to do something. Kilo reached and touched the shoulder of the other boy. Both boys collapse.

"Uh-oh, that was not supposed to happen.” 

---

Andy ran. There was nothing left for him. All the work for his parents to hide him was in vain. They eventually found and killed them. He had narrowly escaped. He ran past the border of Silver Forests. The border mattered no more. He was done. He was almost to the river. Why? He asked himself. It was my fault. He thought. If I had stayed quiet they wouldn’t have taken them. If only I could control the nightmares. The nightmares. They scared him. Horrible torture devices. They burned him in the night. The worst part was whatever injury he had in the nightmare, would be there in the morning. He’d been burned, arms dislocated, frostbite, skin rashes. And some much more painful ones.

He approached the river. It was glowing. Perfect. He thought. There will be no trace left of me. Not that anyone would care. He had no friends, his parents were dead. There was nothing left for him. Gravity is too dangerous anyway. It was true. He looked at the symbol on the inside of his wrist. Lines curving in arcs from all directions towards the point in the middle. They had this effect of drawing the observer in. Just like Gravity.  He had already discovered his ability. It was uncontrollable. It usually resulted with him sprawled on the ceiling. One time he had ventured out of the house when this happened. That was a disaster. He had flown up to the top of the atmosphere and was standing on the dome of the sky. The planet between the sky. The planet was huge! And then he fell. Down became down again. Smacking the water at a speed that should have killed him. Again, his gravity saved him. Internally holding him together. He had lost a couple fingers and a foot, smashed, but they had regrown. His dad had passed that trait on to him. It had only made the nightmares worse when he had discovered this. That had only been a year ago when he flew. He had tried to control it but he couldn’t. He was done. He was a nobody, no one cared about him.

He was about to jump, when a hand lighted on his shoulder. He collapsed, paralyzed. He couldn’t move. There was just blackness. Well, that’s one way to go. He thought. Then he blacked out.

[The Forgetful Archivist he/him]

First off have a cookie and an upvote, I would direct you to the creator's corner. The prologue looks pretty cool I look forward to seeing what you post next.

[Kaj he/him]

I thought I put it in the creator's corner. How do I do that?

[Guest]

6 minutes ago, The Forgetful Archivist said:

First off have a cookie and an upvote, I would direct you to the creator's corner. The prologue looks pretty cool I look forward to seeing what you post next.

Oh live a little!  let him or her have two or even three!  They really are great!

[The Forgetful Archivist he/him]

4 minutes ago, Kaj said:

I thought I put it in the creator's corner. How do I do that?

Oops, you are in exactly the right spot.  

[Kaj he/him]

I actually have about sixteen chapters written, but several are a mess right now and almost don't fit as I have changed so much. Thanks though.

[Kureshi Ironclaw]

As a fellow writer the best piece of advice I can give you is to keep writing things that you enjoy. The more you practice, the better you'll get, so keep doing what you're doing

[Kaj he/him]

Thanks, I will post more when I have the next chapter ready. Technically I have it written, but I'm going to rewrite it.

[Kaj he/him]

Here is part of the next chapter. I think it's starting to make some sense.

Spoiler

Chapter 1

I regret what I did. It isn’t fair to them, but it must be done. This won’t be the only time.

Voices. When I became conscious, I noticed a chorus of voices. Several random thoughts ran through me. A tree. Death. Love. I was feeling experiences. Loss. Joy. Growth. This sensation of which I can only describe as expanding inwards. As the intensity increased, the voices. Connection. Something just snapped into place. The inward sensation dissipated. Powerful grief. I became more confused as totally random feelings spawned from within. I could hardly think.

Lost. Hopeless. Depth. I became aware. Growth. I grasped at the experience. That is when things connected. The pull from within gradually faded. I felt potent grief mixed with foreign confusion. That ignited my curiosity. It felt like it had been an eternity since I had felt such curiosity. That made me start to wonder… 

My eyes snapped open. I was curled up on the ground in a fetal position. A soft glow just over a ridge was the first thing I noticed. I started to get up, but something held me back.

I could see a glow. I started to uncurl. A powerful urge to look over at the river washed over me.

A river. I knew it was a river. Why had I even wondered? Slowly, I stood up. Something isn’t right. I thought.

Really? I thought sarcastically. I paused. What was that?

“What was what?” I said aloud. That. A voice in my mind said. A new kind of confusion came over me when I realized there was a voice in my head.

“At least it makes a little sense,” I told him. It was my turn to speak. I turned my head over my shoulder. "There’s no one here," I observed.

“Not that we can see,” I replied aloud. I searched for a spot to get a better look. There was some brush no more than a couple meters behind me. The odd but not odd part was the glowing silver leaves. Everything from the bushes to the trees.

I shrugged. Why is he so investigative? Nothing really seemed out of place.

“I don’t think I’ve seen any of this before,” I told him. That’s when I realized I didn’t remember anything.
“Neither do I.” I started to head down the indistinct path that followed the cliff edge. Not I, We. I decided.

“Works for me,” I whispered. Oh, we’re whispering now. He thought back. “This is starting to become confusing,” I said. We continued down the path without further verbal communication.

“You’re right,” I said. “But until we figure out how to divide things out, I think we’re stuck.” The path steepened. After about an hour of silence, I tried again. “You thirsty?”

“Yes,” I said. The trail started to flatten back out. “Where do we get water though?”

“The river,” I responded. Isn’t the river kind of glowing? He thought this time. “I wouldn’t have normally suggested it, but it’s the only water I know of around here.”

“I guess we can try it,” I told him. It seemed like it didn’t matter whether we spoke or thought it.  I finally got the chance to see the glowing river that he acted too casual about.

“Casual is the wrong word,” I said.