Magic System Review

[StormyQueen she/her]

Why hello there my fellow sharders. After developing this magic system for a long while, I thought I should get some feedback, so ta-da! Any thought she or opinions would be helpful, so just let me know anything you think that could be improved, or any questions you have. Thanks!

 The basics

• There are 3 sources of magic that are used to gain power: quartz, blood and sap. By using these, the power is drawn out of them, and into the caster, and fuels their magic, allowing them to use the magic energy to key into the network of energy.
  • With blood, the blood has to be your own, and you can't use another persons, however, this isn't as relevant in the current era of magic

 

 

 

Magic types

1. Nothing can be created. You cannot summon fire, metal, animals  where there is none
   1. You can summon the elements towards you like a magnet, but only to a certain extent.
   2. With enhancement, you can attach things from other people or animals to yourself, however this is extremely difficult
2. The power relies on the mental capacity that is specific to each bracket and sub skills. Some (like pure elemental) are very specific, while others (like creature elementals) only require an open mind.
3. Casters can only perform within their overall bracket (e.g.  Pure elemental), but can master any base skill within that bracket.
   1. You start off with one skill, the skill you are born with, and once you have enough understanding, you can move on to the next skill that goes in a pre chosen order. If you try to cast a different skill, then you can injure, or even kill yourself.
      1. When you have mastered a skill is not always clear, and you can be in danger if you think the skill is mastered and it isn't. However, you only need a certain level of competence
4. Elements and set skills can be applied to different elements when taught.
5. Raw elements (water) are easier to cast than effected elements (ice). Effected elements can still be used, but it takes longer to learn

 

Pure elemental

The ability to control classical elements.

1. You can still be hurt by the elements. You can still drown as a water caster.
   1. A requirement for pure elemental casting is that you hold yourself apart from the element, although you do not need to do it to be able to cast it. However, if you don't remain aloof you will be consumed by the element you are using
2. In order to cast, you must have an emotion that is particular to each element. However, this only allows a small amount of power, and in order to use more power, you must have a source.
   1. The source is quartz
3. When picking up the elements, the speed and weight depends on your power source's strength and your physical strength. 
   1. It is only elemental mages that require a source of power, as creature casters use blood, and the magic within regenerates on its own.
   2. The strain on physical strength is correspondent to the weight of what you are picking up, emotional strength, source strength and your own weight.
4. You learn them in set order of  Fire-air-earth-water-fire

 

Fire

1. Requires inspiration and/or control over emotions
2. Innate skills: Lightning

 

Water

1. Requires being grounded, and/or  flexibility of the mind
2. Innate skills: Ice,

 

Earth

1. Requires determination and patience
2. Innate skills: sand

 

Air

1. Requires freedom and acceptance of self
2. Innate skills: heat levels

 

Creature elements

Enhancement

Enhancing the human body.

1. Requires understanding that life is limited
2. Enhancement can only be applied to the self.
3. Enhancements must be physically possible
   1. A master can make the impossible (e.g. Giving yourself wings) , but must alter his/her anatomy  to make this change. 
      1. There is a certain amount you can change your anatomy. The main way is of shifting muscles, as creating muscles is practically impossible. Also, to get rid of muscle, you must cut it out of your body, then work from there. You also can only shift muscles a certain amount, and if you shift them too far, you can loose limbs as they don't have anything to move them.
      2. It is very hard to insert muscle, but it can be done. However, if the muscle gets caught on bone, then it can tear the whole muscle, and render it useless. It is similar for other things
      3. non-organic materials can be used (such as rock for bones)

 

 

Bonding

Bonding to an animal.

1. Requires creativity and an open mind
2. You can only bond with one sort of animal (e.g. Wolves)
   1. The animal must be one of the "higher animal order", meaning it must have some version of intelligence.
3. You can talk with the animal, but not control it.
4. You will adopt more animal like traits.
5. If the magic is used too much, then you can begin to transform into that animal.

 

Origins

Magic is an innate force of energy, and resides in the environment, and migrates through the world slightly. Although it originally flowed freely between the normal world and a different world (The Undying Lands), it has become stunted. Originally, before the worlds split magic could easily be accessed powerfully and the magical energy itself could be moved, however, now the magic energy can only be moved around in materials that they naturally congregate in. The caster moves the energy within the matter, thus moving the material itself. 

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

I appear to have no life and plenty of time, so I might as well review.

5 hours ago, CalypsoDreaming said:

1. Casters can only perform within their overall bracket (e.g.  Pure elemental), but can master any base skill within that bracket.
   1. You start off with one skill, the skill you are born with, and once you have enough understanding, you can move on to the next skill that goes in a pre chosen order. If you try to cast a different skill, then you can injure, or even kill yourself.
      1. When you have mastered a skill is not always clear, and you can be in danger if you think the skill is mastered and it isn't. However, you only need a certain level of competence
2. Elements and set skills can be applied to different elements when taught.
3. Raw elements (water) are easier to cast than effected elements (ice). Effected elements can still be used, but it takes longer to learn

 

Wait. So how do they know they have mastered it? Are there like "Grandmasters" in the world who each specialise in a different bracket, passing down their knowledge to their successors, and their's like a test or something to show it.

5 hours ago, CalypsoDreaming said:

Creature elements

Enhancement

Enhancing the human body.

1. Requires understanding that life is limited
2. Enhancement can only be applied to the self.
3. Enhancements must be physically possible
   1. A master can make the impossible (e.g. Giving yourself wings) , but must alter his/her anatomy  to make this change. 
      1. There is a certain amount you can change your anatomy. The main way is of shifting muscles, as creating muscles is practically impossible. Also, to get rid of muscle, you must cut it out of your body, then work from there. You also can only shift muscles a certain amount, and if you shift them too far, you can loose limbs as they don't have anything to move them.
      2. It is very hard to insert muscle, but it can be done. However, if the muscle gets caught on bone, then it can tear the whole muscle, and render it useless. It is similar for other things
      3. non-organic materials can be used (such as rock for bones)

So just to understand it better, is it like a cross between Kandra and Carvers?

Overall, it's a pretty solid system, but a few chinks like the mastery thing I mentioned. And perhaps you could lessen some of the restrictions? It seems like. "Oh you have this amazing power, but don't use too much or else your will become what you are harnessing. Unless it's similar to Lightbringer.

Your unique twist to the cliche's is pretty intriguing. Would love to see how you use it! 

[hi.im.caleb]

One of the things that I've found in every magic system is this strong sense of cohesion. Look at Mistborn. Everything revolves around metal. The three magics either pull power from metal, stores power from oneself into metal to recall later, or uses metal to pull powers from one individual and give them to another. The powers are all basic in the same metals and the world and ecosystem of it is built around this.

I'm only into part 2 of the Stormlight Archive, but it seems to be strongly similar. The world revolves around Stormlight and it at least seems that every magic that exists stems from this core entity called Stormlight.

The Reckoners (spoiler free) is based on a simple superpower mechanic but it's existence and how weaknesses work, it all ties together.

Cohesion makes the magic feel alive and real. It gives it a small taste of logic. It allows the reader to make sense of it.

What I'd suggest is a little bit of simplification. It allows for the reader to grasp it without having to have a spreadsheet of rules. You don't want them to have to think too hard about it. Here's an example (based on a little confusion from myself):

quartz, blood and sap

These are the sources of power, yeah? What do they have to do with each other? Why are THESE the sources? Why nothing else? To they produce similar results given certain circumstances or do they all produce different effects? There's 3 sources, but 4 elements? And how many magic types? What do we call the different magics, or is there just one with ways it varies?

What I'd suggest is provided sources that some how specifically relate or contrast in a certain way. You can make these three work, but I would lean on the side of making each source produce a completely different effect, but also hold unique effects on the world itself.

Let's look Sap:
It sounds like sap could be a valuable resource, right?
How does one use sap?
If it's a source of power, it seems one wouldn't easily find it in nature as it'd be a harvested resource.
How does one draw from sap? Do they simply pull energy from it by proximity or does it have to be touched or ingested?
What effects would sap produce?
Does sap from different plant sources produce different effects?

These are the kind of questions you should be asking. Make yourself a researcher of your magic. Start with barebones elements and flesh them out as deep as possible.

There's an hour-long lecture on YouTube from Sanderson about magic systems that helped A LOT. I've watched it a couple times, actually. I'll link it in the bottom of this, but he talks a bit about trying less to spread wide with your magic, but rather explore deeper. The idea? One extremely fleshed out and deeply understood magic is much better than 20 shallow magics.

Personally, I'd go with separating the 3 sources and creating 3 very unique but somehow connected magics from the sources. The more I asked you about the Sap source, the more intriguing it became. I think, for world-building, sap is the most interesting of the three.

I hope this is helpful. I'm working on a couple magic systems myself and it's TOUGH. Mostly because you come up with an idea you absolute love, but then find, oh wait... That won't work. That doesn't make sense. At that point, you have to make a decision to either attempt problem-solving by tweaking the system to work with the new idea or scraping the idea altogether.

Just know this. People are harsh. They will tear apart your magic. Unless you lean more on soft-magic (less understood magic, mysterious) rather than hard-magic, you should be just as harsh on building your own system. It sounds like this is a hard magic system and the premise is intriguing.

Sanderson Lecture: https://youtu.be/jXAcA_y3l6M

 

[StormyQueen she/her]

10 hours ago, hi.im.caleb said:

One of the things that I've found in every magic system is this strong sense of cohesion. Look at Mistborn. Everything revolves around metal. The three magics either pull power from metal, stores power from oneself into metal to recall later, or uses metal to pull powers from one individual and give them to another. The powers are all basic in the same metals and the world and ecosystem of it is built around this.

I'm only into part 2 of the Stormlight Archive, but it seems to be strongly similar. The world revolves around Stormlight and it at least seems that every magic that exists stems from this core entity called Stormlight.

The Reckoners (spoiler free) is based on a simple superpower mechanic but it's existence and how weaknesses work, it all ties together.

Cohesion makes the magic feel alive and real. It gives it a small taste of logic. It allows the reader to make sense of it.

What I'd suggest is a little bit of simplification. It allows for the reader to grasp it without having to have a spreadsheet of rules. You don't want them to have to think too hard about it. Here's an example (based on a little confusion from myself):

quartz, blood and sap

These are the sources of power, yeah? What do they have to do with each other? Why are THESE the sources? Why nothing else? To they produce similar results given certain circumstances or do they all produce different effects? There's 3 sources, but 4 elements? And how many magic types? What do we call the different magics, or is there just one with ways it varies?

What I'd suggest is provided sources that some how specifically relate or contrast in a certain way. You can make these three work, but I would lean on the side of making each source produce a completely different effect, but also hold unique effects on the world itself.

Let's look Sap:
It sounds like sap could be a valuable resource, right?
How does one use sap?
If it's a source of power, it seems one wouldn't easily find it in nature as it'd be a harvested resource.
How does one draw from sap? Do they simply pull energy from it by proximity or does it have to be touched or ingested?
What effects would sap produce?
Does sap from different plant sources produce different effects?

These are the kind of questions you should be asking. Make yourself a researcher of your magic. Start with barebones elements and flesh them out as deep as possible.

There's an hour-long lecture on YouTube from Sanderson about magic systems that helped A LOT. I've watched it a couple times, actually. I'll link it in the bottom of this, but he talks a bit about trying less to spread wide with your magic, but rather explore deeper. The idea? One extremely fleshed out and deeply understood magic is much better than 20 shallow magics.

Personally, I'd go with separating the 3 sources and creating 3 very unique but somehow connected magics from the sources. The more I asked you about the Sap source, the more intriguing it became. I think, for world-building, sap is the most interesting of the three.

Thanks so much for the advice, it's been really thought provoking. 

As some background knowledge, the magic system is designed for a series of series (there really should be a word for this) inspire by the Cosmere. It follows the history of the world, and the magic is changing throughout the series, so it's designed as part of a larger scale. Similar to the Cosmere, the reader doesn't have to know the deep intricacies of the magic, but it helps me thing about the world and what can/cannot be done. I don't know if it would still be too confusing, but since the magic is changing a lot through the series, I really wanted to have a strong base for me to know about. Like in the Cosmere, you don't have to understand the intricacies of investors and connection, just a vague idea. The vague idea is what I'm planning to write on the surface about. Considering this, would you still find it too complicated whilst reading it?

Also, to answer some of your questions, the materials are used because they are where the magic energy is naturally thicker. The ability to only use one is because of a dilution of the ability through the generations (kind of like in Mistborn). 

Sap probably won't play much into this version of magic, due to the current world state (it's a long story), but is in the world. I haven't come up with the rules for that one completley, and your questions have been really thought provoking.  

With the four magic types and three sources, those are subsections of Pure Elemental magic, which all uses quartz. The sources act as a gateway into the system of magic

 

On 27/10/2016 at 9:25 PM, Dankness Ascendant said:

I appear to have no life and plenty of time, so I might as well review.

Wait. So how do they know they have mastered it? Are there like "Grandmasters" in the world who each specialise in a different bracket, passing down their knowledge to their successors, and their's like a test or something to show it.

So just to understand it better, is it like a cross between Kandra and Carvers?

Overall, it's a pretty solid system, but a few chinks like the mastery thing I mentioned. And perhaps you could lessen some of the restrictions? It seems like. "Oh you have this amazing power, but don't use too much or else your will become what you are harnessing. Unless it's similar to Lightbringer.

Your unique twist to the cliche's is pretty intriguing. Would love to see how you use it! 

The mastery thing involves an understanding of the values and principles that are in the casting subset. ThisThis involves a control over the specific emotion. The process of moving to a new subset involves a ritual, although it is inbuilt in the magic rather than the culture, as if they have not achieved mastery, they will be killed by the ritual. Because of this not many people try to advance.

Also, with the restrictions, particularly on the creature section, it only becomes a problem in extreme cases, kind of similar to how constantly burning tin causes biological problems. In most cases, it only causes the caster to take on some more animalistic philosophies, and can cause tension in their humanity. 

 

Thanks so much for your advice though guys, it has been really thought provoking.

[hi.im.caleb]

12 hours ago, CalypsoDreaming said:

As some background knowledge, the magic system is designed for a series of series (there really should be a word for this) inspire by the Cosmere. It follows the history of the world, and the magic is changing throughout the series, so it's designed as part of a larger scale. Similar to the Cosmere, the reader doesn't have to know the deep intricacies of the magic, but it helps me thing about the world and what can/cannot be done. I don't know if it would still be too confusing, but since the magic is changing a lot through the series, I really wanted to have a strong base for me to know about. Like in the Cosmere, you don't have to understand the intricacies of investors and connection, just a vague idea. The vague idea is what I'm planning to write on the surface about. Considering this, would you still find it too complicated whilst reading it?

It all depends on delivery. Would you require extreme expedition? Are you good at expedition? See, Lord of the Rings had immense amounts of expedition. However, Tolkien was also extremely talented at delivering us his material in an engaging and intriguing way. For myself, I'm not that person. I'm self-aware that I tend to info dump and it doesn't play well. I like Sanderson's method of dulling it out little-by-little. We're still learning about the Mistborn systems well into his second trilogy and beyond.

So I think I would have to see your magic in context to answer your question here precisely. But I'll hit on two things about what you said.

The first is to know the story you want to tell. You related your magic to the Cosmere vs talking about specific Cosmere worlds. Is your magic system more of an overarching one the bridges to many other magic systems? In the Cosmere, its overarching system is what produces separately the Mistborn system vs the Stormlight system. But we're never taught of the Cosmere in context to learning how those sub-systems work. Why? Because they are their own thing.

Or is your system it's own entity? Like Mistborn or Stormlight. And what is the learning curve for it? Will the reader need a spreadsheet or can they comprehend it as it goes along? Again, most of that is in presentation, but with magic, when trying to do something different, as many of us strive for, it's so easy to make our story convoluted.

The second is that it seems to me that your system isn't one system but a few. A few that share many rules or come from the same source perhaps, but much different in their own ways. Am I correct in assuming this? If so, I'd focus on one system at a time and deeply develop it into as great an entity you can before moving to the next.

I hope that helps. I really think Sap could make an intriguing premise. It's simple and super approachable, but also has the ability to be deep. I love magics, also, that are easily researched for a writer when developing. I'm sure you could learn a lot about sap online and use what already is true to help develop your magic deeper.

One last thing I'd like to add that I hope helps. It's about developing new ideas for a magic. I think as creatives – applicable to any creative field, not just writing – when you have a new idea for a project, there's this ostentatious desire to make sure it works within the story. Having also built smartphone apps, worked on marketing campaigns and written a good amount, it's amazing how often I have an amazing idea that I just have to implement. The challenge is allowing ourselves to discern if the idea is actually good for the story or just a cool idea we want to force in. I've always been taught – and it's shown true – that the best creatives are the ones that have the greatest ideas, but know how to discard the subpar ones to put better detail on what is great.

:)