Ragnarok. A work in progress

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

A couple of months ago I wrote this story (and have recently fixed it up) in my English class. The topic was to create a brand new myth based on old ones. So I created this. And I liked it so much I have decided it would be an epic prequel to a series based on Norse mythology based on modern Earth, or Midgard. Here it is.Ragnatok.txt

SO what do u think?

The prequel hasn't been completed obviously and it looks good I think. But I wanted to have some feedback to improve it or generally see if people would read the ideas that float around my mind.

What happens after this text?

So Ragnarr trains for the next 30 days with the Valin. He then fights in Ragnarok and breaks the fabric of reality, razing all of the realms except Midgard, where all the deities and Jotuns and monster etc. etc. are transported with new bodies. Here the Aesir take the form of spirits that bond with humans and give them immense power. These humans are worshipped as gods in ancient times. Now, in 2016, The next generation of conduits have sprouted and the gods have selected the hosts. But Jormungandr has been corrupted and now seeks to take over the world with the aide of the Jotuns, demons and other evil spirits. Jormungandr has also taken the new name of Ouroborus.

 

So the new heroes try and stop Ouroborus. Kind of like Rick Riordan's 'the Kane Chronicles' come to think of it.....

So. If you have any questions and are (most probably) confused by my ramblings, feel free to ask any questions here. I will be willing to answer.                   Thanks!!

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

Uhh, can someone give me some feedback?

Getting frustrated here.

Funny to thinks hat if Twi or Kobold had created this thread, it would be hot, swamped with comments and overflowing with likes. No offence intended. We cannot help who we r.

[Hoid Is Dead]

Feedback: (English is not my main language, so I'll try my best to 'criticize')

1. Misuse of dots and commas, reading the 1st paragraph. Feels. Like. This.

2. Need more details about the characters, or maybe less.

i.e. (woman w/ fair hair) <-- can at least be just the woman, the character just woke up! or a detailed (size, face, i dunno) if the character is attentive (if you want him to be attentive in nature?).

3. Light elf brethren sounds a little cheesy. Just maybe 'leave us'. And it is a little random, I don't remember any light elf in Norse.

4. Maybe merge the sentences if it is short, (3rd and 4th). Scruffy is dirty right? How is that regal? Or maybe I'm just misunderstanding something. Also, how does he know that Odin was missing an eye just because he wears an eyepatch? 

5. Here, the protagonist is named. Ragnarr. Name is good, maybe introducing Ragnarr at the beginning? 'Ragnarr opened his eyes, bright lights welcoming him. bla bla.'

6. Scratch number 5. He doesn't know who he is. So maybe don't introduce his name until Odin says it? And how did he know that the man is Odin?

7. He is missing an eye, tbh this is a good twist, I think. Maybe hint it on the 1st paragraph? Like, explaining how a person who just lost an eye, the first experience of waking? 

8. Goes to a lengthy explanation about the Norse mythology. I skipped half of this.

 

Suggestions:

Use commas if the consecutive sentences will be short. That's it. A good intro but very short for me. Hope this help! 

 

 

Sorry. I think there's already a similar series like that. I don't mean Kane Chronicles.

Riordan will release another 'god' series this year if that is what you're talking about.

 

Edited September 13, 2015 by Hoid Is Dead

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

 

Feedback: (English is not my main language, so I'll try my best to 'criticize')

1. Misuse of dots and commas, reading the 1st paragraph. Feels. Like. This.

2. Need more details about the characters, or maybe less.

i.e. (woman w/ fair hair) <-- can at least be just the woman, the character just woke up! or a detailed (size, face, i dunno) if the character is attentive (if you want him to be attentive in nature?).

3. Light elf brethren sounds a little cheesy. Just maybe 'leave us'. And it is a little random, I don't remember any light elf in Norse.

4. Maybe merge the sentences if it is short, (3rd and 4th). Scruffy is dirty right? How is that regal? Or maybe I'm just misunderstanding something. Also, how does he know that Odin was missing an eye just because he wears an eyepatch? 

5. Here, the protagonist is named. Ragnarr. Name is good, maybe introducing Ragnarr at the beginning? 'Ragnarr opened his eyes, bright lights welcoming him. bla bla.'

6. Scratch number 5. He doesn't know who he is. So maybe don't introduce his name until Odin says it? And how did he know that the man is Odin?

7. He is missing an eye, tbh this is a good twist, I think. Maybe hint it on the 1st paragraph? Like, explaining how a person who just lost an eye, the first experience of waking? 

8. Goes to a lengthy explanation about the Norse mythology. I skipped half of this.

 

Suggestions:

Use commas if the consecutive sentences will be short. That's it. A good intro but very short for me. Hope this help! 

 

 

 

Riordan will release another 'god' series this year if that is what you're talking about.

yeah I know, Max chase. (perhaps related to annabeth?)

Thanks for the feedback! Will post an updated version soon. P.S Max Chase might not be anything like this.