Section 4/5: Unification Feedback

[Through the Living Hopper He/Him]

I really need to make the numbers the same, so next section will be 6, no matter what.

I tried to add romantic tension (it should climax about halfway through the story), but having never had a relationship before, it might not be good.

I also added the first dialogue, which I've shied away from for various reasons (my first attempts at writing were really bad).

General issues, specific problems, I just need feedback.

Edited April 17 by Through the Living Hopper

[Through the Living Hopper He/Him]

@Through The Living Ash@Through The Living Ketek@Through The Living Star@Ink and Embers@Rynturning_Light@Verdance@CoderDrag0n8@Fizz9

I don't want to double post, but I don't know if editing the tags in will work. I forgot to put them last night.

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

I thought it was awesome!! I like how they're handling the conflict, both physical and moral, and the introduction of the new characters felt very natural 

[Verdance he/him]

I have been very busy, i graduate in four weeks and my grades are… subpar. So i’m not going to have the time to seriously read this right now. Thank you for sharing, though!

Edited April 17 by Verdance

[Through the Living Hopper He/Him]

7 hours ago, Verdance said:

I have been very busy, i graduate in four weeks and my grades are… subpar. So i’m not going to have the time to seriously read this right now. Thank you for sharing, though!

Good luck!

Do you want me to keep sending it to you?

[Verdance he/him]

17 hours ago, Through the Living Hopper said:

Good luck!

Do you want me to keep sending it to you?

Ill come back to it after I graduate