Section 3/4: Foundation Feedback

[Through the Living Hopper He/Him]

This is the longest section so far, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'll be interested to hear your feedback.

Also, if it refers to the Students as "we" anywhere, point it out to me. I tried to find all of them, but some might have slipped through.

@Through The Living Coder@Through The Living Grass@Rynturning_Light@Through The Living Ash@Through The Living Star

Edited March 22 by Through the Living Hopper

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

I thought it explained the situation well! I'm really curious about what the Blades actually are. Some of the battle descriptions in the middle felt slightly repetitive, but it was interesting to see their culture evolving, especially the development of language. I also really liked the last line, when the man got a name. 

[Stardust She/Her]

I thought it was really good! I'm already hooked on the story. Your writing is really good, and I can't wait to see what happens next. 

The only thing I have a question about (besides general questions about what is going to happen in the story) is this line: "Finally, they could stand it no longer. They exited the building — which was still a small hut, but" 

It just cuts off there. You might want to change that. Elaborate on it or take off the 'but' at the end. 

[Through the Living Hopper He/Him]

5 hours ago, Through The Living Star said:

I thought it was really good! I'm already hooked on the story. Your writing is really good, and I can't wait to see what happens next. 

The only thing I have a question about (besides general questions about what is going to happen in the story) is this line: "Finally, they could stand it no longer. They exited the building — which was still a small hut, but" 

It just cuts off there. You might want to change that. Elaborate on it or take off the 'but' at the end. 

Wait, is this the part that has a duplicate few paragraphs? I forgot to fix that, I think it merged two different documents.

Edit: yes, it is. Skip from "warriors" to the second "The other Blades". Sorry!

[Stardust She/Her]

2 minutes ago, Through the Living Hopper said:

Wait, is this the part that has a duplicate few paragraphs? I forgot to fix that, I think it merged two different documents.

Yeah it's the part that has the duplicate paragraphs