Section 3: Origin (Feedback)

[Through the Living Hopper He/Him]

I decided to do this earlier, because I am bored.

THIS IS THE LAST OF THE FINISHED SECTIONS, SO YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT FOR NUMBER 4.

Feedback is still okay on the earlier sections.

I like a lot of the future narrative in this section, but the past is still really clunky. Any suggestions on how to fix this would be appreciated.

Again, I want honest feedback about what isn't working, and (hopefully) what is.

[Verdance he/him]

I would say that the third is the weakest so far, though I can’t put my finger on it yet. 
imma study this one closely 

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

I quite like the PoV switches; it builds on the earlier record vibes but I'm still not sure how the prologue fits in (from a structural viewpoint: it didn't seem nearly as much like a record and more like a kind of typical PoV?).

I really like the worldbuilding so far and I'm curious to see who this man becomes and what he was running from

[Through the Living Hopper He/Him]

4 hours ago, Through the Living Ink said:

I quite like the PoV switches; it builds on the earlier record vibes but I'm still not sure how the prologue fits in (from a structural viewpoint: it didn't seem nearly as much like a record and more like a kind of typical PoV?).

I really like the worldbuilding so far and I'm curious to see who this man becomes and what he was running from

See, that's one of my problems. They get names at the end of the next section, but I don't want it to feel like a cheap reveal that they're not Òhrreri. I just can't figure out how to do that, because it does seem like Òhrreri is the man in the ditch.