Section 2: Prelude (Feedback)

[Through the Living Hopper He/Him]

We're still working through what I've already written, so this one comes early.

I need the perspective shift here, but I don't know if it's confusing. 

Also, post here or the sign-up thread if you want me to send my writing to you.

@Through The Living Coder@Rynturning_Light@Through The Living Ash@Through The Living Grass@Through the Living Ink

Edited March 15 by Through the Living Hopper

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

Oooo, it was cool!! The shift from a  fantasy kind of vibe (though maybe that was just me) in the prologue to the very dystopian one was unexpected, but it worked pretty well. Is the man in the ditch Òhrreri? And the capitalisation of words made it feel older, which I thought was cool because it made it feel more linked to the prologue? It was awesome!!!!

[Verdance he/him]

10 hours ago, Through the Living Hopper said:

We're still working through what I've already written, so this one comes early.

I need the perspective shift here, but I don't know if it's confusing. 

Also, post here or the sign-up thread if you want me to send my writing to you.

@Through The Living Coder@Rynturning_Light@Through The Living Ash@Through The Living Grass@Through the Living Ink

Oh shoot

sorry, im slightly distracted rn. Ill get back tp you with feedback when i get back from church

[Through the Living Hopper He/Him]

4 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

Oh shoot

sorry, im slightly distracted rn. Ill get back tp you with feedback when i get back from church

That's fine. I just added the mentions because I forgot to last night.

8 hours ago, Through the Living Ink said:

Oooo, it was cool!! The shift from a  fantasy kind of vibe (though maybe that was just me) in the prologue to the very dystopian one was unexpected, but it worked pretty well. Is the man in the ditch Òhrreri? And the capitalisation of words made it feel older, which I thought was cool because it made it feel more linked to the prologue? It was awesome!!!!

I'm glad you liked it! Òhrreri is not the man in the ditch, which I do need to make clearer. I'm not sure how, though. After all, they don't have names yet (which is one of the biggest narrative hurdles in the next few sections).