Belandruis Ohhmar's Books (AKA B.O.B.)

[Belandrius Ohhmar He/Him]

Well I have looked for an ecsuce to make one of these for a while and now I'm writing a acctual book so might as well.

I present to you Planet 6 Chapter 1:

Spoiler

Chapter One: The Begger

Lump Lorik walked down the road, the gravel scratching against his old leather shoes he would have to get those replaced. Lump had just gotten off of work at the lumbermill, lifting logs. …Maybe a nice ‘steak’ dinner or a brussel of ‘broccoli’

He chucked at his own joke when suddenly a beggar leaped from the shadows and grabbed his shoulders yelling “The Sixforce! The Sixforce! The Sixfoorrrccee!”

A palace guard ran up and dragged the beggar off of him though he was still screaming about ‘The Sixforce.’ Lump had heard of the Sixforce before the religion Sixism believed that the Sixforce flowed through all life and the Sixfruits and the Sixdeer and the Sixfalcons and the moon were all high concentrations of Sixforce, he looked up at the blue moon hanging in the sky the same place as always it never moved but no one could figure out why.

“...bothering the kings. Sir? Sir?” The palace guard had been speaking to him but Lump had gotten lost in thought.

“Oh Sorry,” Lump replied then hesitated “Could you repeat that?”

“This man has been bothering the kings,” The palace guard said, clearly annoyed at having to repeat himself, “There was a thirteen tern reward for his capture.”

The guard began rummaging through his pouches and pulls out thirteen terns and places them into Lumps astonished hands, This–This is more than I make in a year! Maybe I can have that steak dinner!

“Th-thank you!” Lump clutches the coins and slides them into his side pouch.

“Policy.” The guard grumbles and drags the beggar off.

Lump looked up at the palace before him and looked around, this wasn’t his normal route home. How did he even get here? Was he distracted? He thought oh well and continued to walk home to his house.

A couple of minutes later he stopped outside his small house, ready to walk in when he saw the beggar the palace guard had dragged off in the alley way next to his house looking through his window.

“Hey what are you doing!?!”

Lump instantly regretted yelling because the beggar turned towards him and began running right at him, Lump began running away but the beggar tackled him.

“The Sixforce! The Sixforce!” The beggar's eyes begin to roll back in his head but he whispers one more thing before dropping, “Inside the Mountains!”

He falls unconscious on top of Lump, and Lump shimmies his way out from under him and walks back towards his apartment, hands shaking and enters.

The mountains? the Sixforce? What is he talking about?

He reaches into his pouch to grab the terns but they were gone, he ran back outside but the beggar was gone in his place was a world map, lump lifted it up and looked at it, the mountains were circled, he knew strange people lived on the top of the mountains but when he looked closer he saw strange figures looking like they were inside the mountain.

What is happening?

And also Planet 6, Chapter 2

Spoiler

Chapter Two: Lady Unastonishing

Lady Lana Let was the queen of the kingdom Twohearts and she loved it or her mother said she loved it. Was there a difference? She was sitting on the throne lounging really. Twohearts had an open throne room to look down upon the capital city Home of Hearts but she hated it because it made her queasy. She had inherited the throne only last month after her mother stepped down as queen.

“Lady Lana!” yelled a voice from down the hall; Lady Lena Let The second, old queen of Twohearts and the worst mother in the world. “Where are you there are babies outside for you to kiss!”

That was one of her expressions she basically just meant there are people waiting to see her.

“Im on my way” She replied sweetly scowling on the inside.

“You better!” Lana listened to her mothers footsteps recede down the hall.

The One Above! That-That She sighed allowed and stood, silently cursing herself she was supposed to be Atheist why did she keep swearing by the Aboveist God’s name? Maybe because I want to be an Abovist. Maybe it was because the doctrine was logical: A being from another planet gained cosmic powers and now watches over them? Sounds pretty sweet.

“LAAAANNNNNAAA!”

Lana reluctantly pushed herself off the throne and adopted the “Lady Lana Let” face and walked outside the throne room, where her mother was tapping her foot impatiently.

“You should not yell, mother, that's unladylike.”

“Well I'm not Queen anymore am I? Let's go.” and her mother dragged her off to go kiss babies.

A few hours later after a long time of servants bathing her, changing her, and tucking her in and a long line of people came to talk to her she was laying in bed ready to escape. She had waited until around moonshine to act.

She stood and lifted up her mattress to expose the tunnel underneath and climbed inside, she had discovered it after there was an ‘attack’ on the palace and her mother had rushed her inside it. The ‘attack’ was just a boy from the city pretending to be a steward pulling a prank on everyone, He was dead now her mother made her order his head off.

She slipped on a rock and slid a little but caught herself but the rock bounced down the tunnel and clattered loudly, she quickly hurried down the tunnel and saw the light probably a couple hundred feet away, but down a side tunnel she saw two guards running her way.

“Lady Lana! Stop! Get back here!”

Lana ran towards the exit with the guards on her tail, her large overskirt brushing the walls almost causing her to trip, she ripped it off, her overskirt was much less conspicuous anyways, she heard the guards stop. It was punishable by death to see the queen in her underskirt unless you were one of her dressers or… she gagged, her ‘Husband.’

Making it out the tunnel she spotted a carriage driver headed her way she ran in front of it to get it to stop. The horses reared up but thankful stopped before hitting her and a man leaned down from the seat.

“May I help you little la- Lady Lana! Im so sorry my queen I thought–”

“It does not matter what you thought,” She tossed him a 20 tern coin and got in the back, “Don’t tell anyone you saw me and get me to Threekings by morning.”

“Yes ma’am” He nodded and started the horses.

Just outside of Home of Hearts a man walked into the road directly in front of the carriage and the driver did not have time to stop and hit the man.

She screamed.

And also Planet 6, chapter 3:

Spoiler

Chapter Three: The Fruit

Lump stood inside staring at his wall where he had pinned up the map, and some quick drawings he had done of suspicious sections of the map. One drawing of the mountains and the strange figures inside, they seemed to be surrounded by rare gems and stuff only kings and queens could afford, also there seemed to be a center figure in both facing each other, one holding an emerald the other a diamond.

Another drawing showing a weird blue line going through the whole map barely noticeable, he wondered what that was. A weird language writing in the corner saying: “Thh Scrrffff ss rrrl” A signature in the corner from a really strange name: “Kim Rioman” and then the thing that most surprised him Three names at the top of the map “Parry Nalary, Lana Let, and Lump Lorik.” His name, a name he has never heard and the name of the queen of Twohearts.

Knock-Knock from the door the knock a mailman would do trying to go home …but why would they do it now? It's like midnight. He opens the door to the sun shining next to the moon.

“It’s Morning?!?” He yelps in surprise and grabs the 3 letters and the box.

He tossed the letters aside. Who would send me a box? He opened it up and found a fruit gloating blue, a Sixfruit.

He pulled it out and walked into his house, he had never seen one of these before in real life, he ran his hand down the side and accidentally knocked one of the seeds on the side of it off and it fell into a small crack leading under his house he ignored it, but suddenly it sprouted out an almost full grown Sixfruit.

“That actually happens!?!”

Lump had heard that they grew like that everywhere, not just within the stormzone but that was strange. He quickly pulled it out of the ground before it could get too big and placed both in the corner in a box.

He grabbed back out the medium sized one, the one that just grew and looked closely, but accidentally dropped it when it pulsed a strange blue color and it splattered all over his legs and shirt and shoes.

He sighed and walked to the other side of the room to change but while he was walking he kinda just stopped moving and he did not feel pressure on his feet anymore. He looked down and he was lifting in the air heading towards the room. After bumping into the roof he laid flat on it.

A couple of minutes later he dropped back onto the floor his clothing completely dry and exhausted for what seemed like no reason, he walked back over to the small pile of broken fruit and dipped his hand into it causing him to lift up into the air once more but this time he focused and kept himself hovering just above the ground but he quickly dropped back down to the ground, even more tired.

Knock-BANG-Knock He stood back up, Lump didn't recognize that knock he tossed a blanket over the fruit mess and pinned up a curtain over the map, he did not trust that knock fully then he walked over and pulled open the door.

“Yes?” he said to the woman at the door, she looked like she had been up all night, and crying as well.

“My name is Lady Lana Let and I need your help Lump Lorrik.”

And as well Planet 6, Chapter Four:

Spoiler

Chapter Four: Reptile

Lana leaped from the carriage to check on the man and saw the carriage driver scratching his head and looking at something between the horses.

“Why aren’t you helping him?” She called tears coming from her eyes

“There is no ‘Him’ to help”

“Her than?”

“No ‘her either’”

“They?”

“How would I be able– nevermind, there is nobody there just like a map of some sort.”

Lana walked forward and grabbed the paper, which turned out to be a map of the planet, with some strange things on it but the strangest thing was right at the top it said: “Parry Nalary, Lana Let, Lump Lorrik” Her name and two other people she had never heard of before.

“Let’s… continue.” She said

“Hop back in my queen.”

“Not anymore,” she said hopping in.

She stared at the map until her eyes hurt trying to see anything special, most things she had seen on palace maps before except for the names, the strange mountain figures, and a signature from “Kim Rioman” A man she had never heard of before. She stared at it so long she drifted off to sleep.

She was jostled awake by yelling outside the carriage and looking out the window there were a bunch of bandits beating up the carriage driver and man with a large silver knife standing before him.

“Gvve tt pp Nnhll.” said the man she pegged the lead bandit but she had never heard that language before it was definitely not L or even Habian.

“NNVVR!” The carriage driver yelled in the same language.

“Ttht’s ttt bbd tthn l'll hvvv tt klll yyy.” Lead bandit guy replied

“d’d rrhttr ddd tthn gvvv pp annhttng tt yyy Kkm!” The carriage driver yelled and spit on the ground in front of him

The lead bandit reached out to slit his throat and the carriage driver yelled his last words “Hurray Hurrah!” and the bandit slit his throat.

Lana gasped and started crying, she had never been to the executions, death was too much for her and those executions were a lot more organized and now she had just watched coldblooded murder, in front of her very eyes.

She leaped from the carriage and ran to the front to try and have the horses move but they seemed to refuse except one horse, it was a white stallion with a scar down the side of its haunch. She ran over to it and unlatched it.

“Please, I need your help.” She whispered to it but it made no difference the bandits' heads snapped up towards her.

“Hey! Get her!” The lead bandit yelled, sending his bandits to attack her.

Lana quickly leaped onto the horse kicking open the clasps with her legs and yelling “Yah Yah!” It leaped into action running from the group.

“Throw the daggers! throw them!”

She heard them throw them and then landing behind her but one dagger grasped her arm, she gasped from the pain but the adrenaline let her keep going, riding fast and far from the group.

A few hours later as the sun was rising she made it into Threekings, riding through the city towards the palace, she had bound up her arm using some excessive cloth from the saddle and her blouse. 

When she reached the gates some guards stepped in front of her.

“You there, what are you doing, what's your business?" Said what seemed to be the lead guard.

“Lady Lana Let Queen of Twohearts”

“Right… And I’m Lord Linton Lion king of Onehome.”

“Nice to meet you, your majesty,” she said sarcastically, leaping from her horse revealing her face.

“You as– Oh my. I am so sorry, My Lady.” All the guards stepped aside in surprise, and Lana rode through.

She got off her horse and let a stableboy lead it aside.

“Careful with Scabbard he bites!” She called after the boy.

She laughed as Scabbard actually did bite him, and she walked into the palace, straight into the throne room looking at the kings.

The kings of Threekings were a lot more modest then she was supposed to be and more modest then her mother was, that's something that she noticed immediately, There Thrones were on the ground level with people so they could look them in the eye. The kings were pretty universally loved so they had no fear from assassins or anything like that.

“Is that Little Lana Let in my throne room?” called Lord Lamming Loot He was the Sixist King.

“Yes it is!” Called the booming voice of the Titan-Titanist king, Lord Large Lerp.

The Abovist King Lord Lion Lander, started laughing “They are just teasing Lana, you know we were there when you were born and, if you don’t mind me saying, your mother is a horrid person always yelling and ordering people around, she made me fetch her some water that day!”

“That is funny Lord Lander–”

“Just Loin dear, I’m practically your uncle,” He elbowed Lamming in the rib, “And I would have been if your Aunt was more open minded”

She ignored that last comment, “then Loin, I found this map on my way here with 3 names on it. I was wondering if you knew any of the names… besides my own.”

“Your own? Map?” He seemed to ponder for a second, “So your name is one of the names?”

“That is correct.”

“Well then what are the other names?”

“Parry Nalary, and Lump Lorrik.”

Lord Lerp cut in “Lump Lorrik that seems familiar… Ah that's right! He was the lumberman who made my throne.”

“Oh! Do you know where he lives?”

“No but I can send a messenger to find out!” Lord Lerp continued.

She went and sat in the corner waiting for the messenger to return, the kings seemed like they were friends, she had assumed the kings would be butting heads with one another because they had to share the throne but, they seemed to be gossiping and at one point heard Lord Lerp say something about a weekly dinner together?

Her train of thought was interrupted by the messenger entering the room, “City Plaza 17, House 4!”

Lana stood, "that's his address?”

The messenger turned toward her and paled, “Lady Lana Let? You're supposed to be dead.”

“What?”

“There is rumor among the messenger clan that last night Lady Lana Let was slain by assassins, the queen herself made the announcement.”

“The queen?”

“Lady Lena Let the Second.”

Lana clenched her fist, “Give me a map to Mr. Lorrik's house I need to see him.”

The messenger handed her the map and scurried out of the room.

Lana turned to the kings who seemed just as surprised as she was angry. “I need to go, thank you for your hospitality.”

“No problem Lana.” Loin said.

Lana left the room, wiping the sweat off of her hands on her skirt. Behind her she heard running and she spun around, jumping behind a potted plant. She immediately recognized one of the people, the Lead Bandit from before.

She kept herself from yelping as the bandits pushed themselves into the throne room, she heard the kings screaming and she cried as she ran from the palace, knowing she led them to their deaths.

Lana did not stop running until she reached Lump Lorrik's house and knocked on the door, Knock-BANG-Knock.

A brown haired man opened the door, and said “Yes?”

She began “My name is Lady Lana Let and I need your help Lump Lorrik.”

And now Planet 6, chapter Five:

Spoiler

Chapter Five: Juice

“What?” Lump says confused “Who?”

“The Queen of Twohearts? I guess now Ex-Queen.” The strange woman said her blonde hair frizzy all around her head.

She seems to spot something out of the corner of her eye and reaches into Lump’s house and grabs one of the letters he got, just the daily newsletter. She reads the headline and sighs.

Lump snatches back his mail, “You cannot just claim you are a queen then take my mail!”

He looks down and reads the headline ‘Lady Lana Let is dead.’ He begins backing up, tripping over his feet and reaching for anything to defend himself, coming up with the loose board in which he hides his money.

He groans at his choice of weapon, making it easier for this woman to rob him, “Back up! Or I’ll um… hit you with this board!”

The woman steps into his house seemingly to try to calm him down like a horse, or something, her hands visible bobbing up and down gently. She whispers sweetly ‘calm down, I won't hurt you, I'm not here to rob you.’

“Prove your Queen Lana or I’ll hit you with the board,” He brashes it toward her.

“Fine,” The woman says “The King or Queen of Twohearts is too begin training to be the King or Queen of Twohearts at age two, taking private lessons, Two Math lessons a day, a Music lesson in an instrument chosen by the current King or Queen of Twohearts, A L class and one other language class, until the age of 15 in which they begin to look for a potential King or Queen to rule beside them–”

“Okay I believe you. What was that?”

“‘The Royal Paragraph’ you have to memorize it at age 18.”

“And you need my help beca… crap.” Lump ran over to the wall and pulled off the curtain covering the map, “‘Parry Nalary, Lana Let, Lump Lorrik’ you found a map didn’t you, like this one you saw my name and this Parry on it too, and came here.”

Lady Let nodded and inspected the wall and the drawings “These are things that I definitely did not notice before… people in the mountains? ‘Kim Rioman’”

“I assume Kim Rioman made this map, the question is are they alive or dead?”

“I would assume alive,” She points at a date that Lump had missed ‘6809 Mooncrashing’ 

Last year which would mean… “Lady Let, Since this was made last year do you think…” he points at the figures.

She briskly nods, and Lump stepped back running his hand through his hair.

“Well I guess I can trust you,” Lump sighs and pulls the blanket covering the fruit off the ground, revealing the Sixfruit spill and the other one in a box. “Watch this” he dips his hand into the puddle of Sixfruit juice and lifts into the air floating a few inches from the ground.

Lady Let stumbled a few steps back “Y-You can FLY?!?”

Lump Shushes her “Not so loud I figured out I could like right before you knocked.”

“Well what can you do? Can you move around just with your mind? How fast can you go?”

“I think I am making myself weightless because I can't really feel my own weight. No, I can't move with my mind and slow.”

“Here let me try” She dips the end of her finger into the juice and immediately she shoots up slamming her head into the roof, “Ow.”

“Oh yes I forgot to warn you I went to the roof my first time just not as… Violent… Wait um… earlier you said before? As if you had seen the map before? And how did you find me?”

“Well I had a copy of the map but… I may have left it in my carriage when I got robbed.” she said, rubbing her head.

“Robbed? What happened to you?”

“Where did you find this map? What happened to you?”

“You first” Lump prompted Lana

“Fine, I did not want to be queen so last night I snuck out of the palace, where I paid a carriage driver to get me here to Threekings around Moonshine–”

“Moonshine?”

“You guys call it Midnight now, shut up and let me continue.”

“Okay fine”

“...Around Moonshine, then on our way out of Home of Hearts we hit a man with the carriage, By accident, when we hopped out the man was gone and there was a map, we continued on and I went to sleep when I woke up I looked outside and the carriage driver was being held at knife point and they were talking in a strange language, it was not L or even Habian, then the carriage driver yelled Hurray Hurrah and the Lead bandit slit his throat I got on a horse and rode away from the bandits, where I went to the kings they told me where you lived and while I was leaving, I… heard them get murdered but I ran away instead of going back to help.”

“The Kings are dead?”

“Yes, I'm sorry.”

“You couldn’t have stopped it from happening.”

“Maybe, Maybe Not, Anyway your turn.”

“Well mine is less… You know on my way home from work I got tackled by a beggar yelling something about the Sixforce, a palace guard pulled him off me and away, then when I got home I found him looking through the window I yelled at him and he tackled me again yelling about the Sixforce, and when he feel unconscious randomly he said something about the mountains, then I went back inside but noticed my coins were missing so I ran back out to get them back from the beggar but he was gone and in his place was the Map, then this morning I got a package, inside was the original sixfruit, i accidentally grew the broken one and broke the broken one where I found out I could fly.”

“Okay…” Lana said.

Lump dropped to the ground and his Sixfruit Juice ran out.

“Hey wait, get some more lets try to hone your abilities with the Flight maybe it will come in handy eventually.”

“Fine” 

Lump groaned and picked up more juice from the ground they were starting to run low, and he lifted into the air.

“Now try to go fast, focus on it?”

Lump focused on moving fast and also focused on going to the other side of the room but then he shot across the room quickly and slammed into the wall knocking himself unconscious.

And now we have.... Planet 6, chapter Six:

Spoiler

Chapter Six: Parry Nalary

Lump woke up, or at least he thought he did. He did not recognize where he was. It seemed to be a cave, also he was standing up. Glancing around there was a man with long strawlike black hair and an overgrown beard and it also looked like a cage, there were iron bars in the entrance.

The man looked up straight at Lump and started talking “My name is Parry Nalary, nice to meet you Lump Lorrik.”

Lump started to speak “Wher–”

Parry interrupted him “I cannot see nor hear you, I'm using the Sixforce to sense where you are, Now look outside the bars I will wait ten seconds.”

Lump walked to the bars and looked at a giant city made of Diamonds inside a cave but that was not the weird part, there were people walking outside the cage but they were not humans, they were multiple feet taller than your average human, had much more muscle mass, and of course they had skin ranging from a grey color to an orange color with black specks.

Lump spun to ask what they were when what seemed to be a rotten tomato flew through his head and hit the ground in front of Parry.

The… thing that threw it said something in its language that sounded like rocks grinding together, and seemed to laugh and walk away with a few other ones.

Parry started to speak again “This is Diamond, The Yurin city inside mountain H. Those are Yurins, the one who just threw the rotfruit said ‘Poor baby in prison, ha!’ I don’t think they realize I understand the language. Your dream is ending but you have to come get me, The bottom of mountain H there is a cave follow the cave to the city im in the very center, Tell Lana I said Hi–”

Lump awoke quickly, and sat up accidentally slamming his forehead into Lana’s nose.

“Ow!” Lana yelped and slapped him on the arm.

Lump leaped to his feet and pulled out 3 pieces of paper and a sketching pencil where he quickly drew a scary accurate image of Parry in the Cell on the first paper and the Diamond City on the second paper, on the third paper he began writing after he finished writing he told lana what it said:

“‘My name is Parry Nalary, nice to meet you Lump Lorrik. I cannot see nor hear you, I'm using the Sixforce to sense where you are, Now look outside the bars I will wait ten seconds. This is Diamond, The Yurin city inside mountain H. Those are Yurins, the one who just threw the rotfruit said ‘Poor baby in prison, ha!’ I don’t think they realize I understand the language. Your dream is ending but you have to come get me. At the bottom of mountain H there is a cave follow the cave to the city I'm in the very center. Tell Lana I said Hi–’” Lump explained what he saw to Lana.

“So let me get this straight in your dream you saw Parry Nalary, and he is a prisoner of a hidden species of rock people inside Mountain H? Right…” Lana said after Lump explained.

“I am one hundred percent sure that dream was real which means we need to go save Parry.”

Lana was looking at the picture “And get this guy a hair cut.”

“Parry”

“Right get Parry a haircut. Whatever. How would we even get there?”

Lump looks at the sixfruit.

“Nope, nuh uh no way, I can barely control it. Who says I won’t just fly off into space?”

“I’ll hold onto you.”

“You the man who just knocked himself unconscious running into a wall?”

Lump was already tossing things he would need into a bag when he got to the sixfruit he began to take all the seeds off of it and put them into his pocket, and lifted the sixfruit up.

“Come on Lana we have to save him. We can be back by tomorrow if there ends up being nothing there, what if he knows something about the map? About why our names are on it.”

“Fine, but if I die I’ll kill you.”

Lump walked outside and lifted the sixfruit above his head to throw it on the ground but Lana stopped him.

“Put it in your hand and hold my hand. We can crush it so we don’t waste juice for the flying.”

“Oh, good idea,” Lump said sheepishly.

He put his hand down sixfruit in it and Lana grabbed his hand he squeezed and crushed it between their hands and they lifted up from the ground.

“Lets go get Parry,” Lump said confidently

“Yes, let's.”

Planet Six, Chapter Seven

Spoiler

Chapter Seven: Granite

Lana hated flying, she realized this after throwing up for the third time.

“You good? I have not seen anyone barf that much since the P - Plague!" Lump said a smug smile on his face.

“If you keep smiling like that I will throw up on you. I am not lying.” Lana retorted

“Fine, fine, I’ll focus on” he yawns “flying, but you may need to…” he yawns a second then third time “take over the last little…” He yawns again and they drop in altitude a few feet, “...bit…” Then he falls asleep and they begin falling like a rock.

Lana screams, forgetting for a second she can fly, feeling the blue juice in her hand she remembers and focuses on keeping herself and Lump in the air. They dropped in little bits before finally leveling off and able to fly relatively straight towards the Mountain for a while.

A group of Falcon’s swooped in her way spinning her off course but she managed to right herself after a minute of cursing and dropping Lump for a second. She swooped to the ground and landed outside the cave in the mountain.

“Well I guess Lump’s dream was right!” Lana exclaimed, dragging him into the entryway of the cave.

Lana slapped him in the face, waking him up, that was the wrong choice because Lump half asleep punched her in the arm.

“Ow!” Lana yelped “you can’t hit a woman!”

“And you cannot wake a man up by slapping him!” Lump retorted.

Lana groaned, directed at him and walked out of the cave, she kicked rocks. Lana was just relieved that he was awake but bad because he PUNCHED HER IN THE F– ARM!

Lana walked back in when she was done venting, finding Lump running his hands down the cave walls.

When he noticed Lana he said “Look at this, it’s not natural, it's Man-made or I mean Yurin-Made?”

Lana looked closer at the walls and realized he was right. The walls have holes from pickaxes mining away at it, maybe even for years and there were small carvings in the walls of what seemed like the Yurins and humans? But the humans looked like they were throwing spears at the Yurins. That did not seem right.

“Hey, Lana, what are these pictographs? Human’s chasing the Yurins out of their land?” Lump stole the words right from her mouth.

“I see them, do you think they are true?” Lana replied

“Yes. They. Are.” A rumbly voice came from deeper in the cave, similar to rocks grinding together but trying to form English.

Lana watches Lump drop a seed from his pocket onto the ground where it grew into a full blown sixfruit in a second, it illuminated the voice’s owner. A Yurin probably around 8 feet tall, which would probably make him around 28-29. Lana’s age, With granite colored skin, but something weird about it it looked like there were cracks filled in with gold all along its arms and head and chest.

Lump crushed the Sixfuit and lifted into the air taking a fighting stance, “What do you want?” he yelled at it.

“I. Want. To. Help.” It replied, It stepped forward

Lump flew closer to it, “Back. Up.”

he said it very threateningly making Even Lana take a step back, The Yurin did the same.

“Pro. Miss. Want. To. Help.” It definitely sounded scared Lana was too. That was some force.

Lump grabbed him by the leather - At least Lana hoped it was leather - Strap across his chest and lifted him into the air, “If you wanna help, tell us where Parry Nalary is.”

“Human. Prism. Er. Is. in. center. In. cage. They. Eat. him. In. Two. days.”

Lana gasped “They are going to eat Parry?”

“Yes.” 

Lump interjected again, “Fine, what's your name?”

“Gray. Nit.”

“Gray-Nit?”

“No.”

“Oh, Granite.” Granite Noded and Lana continued, “Well Granite we saw the pictographs. Why would they be eating Parry if they are scared of humans like the pictographs make them out to be.”

“Pool.”

“Pool?” Lana asked.

“Yes. Pool. Glow. Like. Fruit.”

“Wait, I heard of that isn’t that the Poolism God?” Lump said getting back into the conversation.

“Yes.” Granite confirmed.

“How?” Lana asked

“Not. God. Devil. Our. Savior. They. Call. Him. The. Sixlord.”

Lump frowned, “Well we have to save Parry.”

“No. Save. everyone.”

Lump looked like he was about to reject that, but Lana cut it, “Granite we will do what we can but…”

Lump continued what she was saying, “We are new to our powers, and will not hesitate to run if our lives are in danger.”

“Your lives are already in danger.” Said a smooth voice from behind, Lana and Lump span and Lana realized it was the bandit from before. “Nice to meet you Lana Let, Lump Lorrik. My name is Kim Rioman.”

Planet Six, Chapter Eight:

Spoiler

Chapter Eight: Birds and Heat

Lump watched as Grantite turned and ran. Lump had already terrified him; he could not blame the Yurin.

“But not by me sorry if I implied something.” Kim continued. He started to say something more but Lana cut him off.

“You killed the kings of Threekings!”

“No I merely frightened them, after I explained they pointed my right to your house Lump, I couldn’t catch up before you lifted off.”

“How do we know we can trust you!?!” Lump asked.

“Let me tell my story, maybe it will convince you.”

“Fine but if you threaten us in any way…”

“Feel free to use that magic of yours to launch me into the atmosphere."

“Go ahead.”

“Long ago on a planet you wouldn't know, at a time when the people on this planet were still hiding in caves and hitting each other with sticks. A man invented a technology that you could not even fathom how it works. A light you can turn on and off using a tiny lever that could be anywhere. His name was June Egyptan.

“Back then I was a humble tradesfolk, hoping to invent something that changed the world and when someone in my hometown did just that, I went to see them. To ask them how they did it and how they got their inspiration, Something else happened though I entered and I was cheerful and happy that I had gotten an appointment with the man who made the lightbulb.

“As soon as I laid eyes on this man, my cheer turned to bloodlust. Apparently the same happened to June because we leaped at each other and fought. In the end he grabbed a metal pan and hit me over the head with it and killed me while I was unconscious.

“For thousands of years the cycle has repeated. One is drawn to the other, one of us kills the other and regains their memories and lives out the rest of their life peacefully on the planet. The time I told you about was not the first time we fought.

“Before that even there were two gods, The Man of Birds and The Man of Heat. We clashed for hundreds of thousands of years destroying civilizations. One day I decided it was enough and had The Woman of Sorcery cast a curse on us both that forever we would be reincarnated and fight as mortals but not on any planets with magic so neither could gain an edge, and so we fought for thousands of years.

“We have been stuck on this planet for over a thousand years at this point, this planet has magic and that's not supposed to have happened. One will kill the other and a few days later they will be reborn as adults and seek out each other again.

“Lana don’t you think it's strange there was a carriage, with a driver directly outside your escape tunnel? The one that was a secret?”

“Ya I guess… And all carriage drivers should have been home. It was moonshine.”

“I never got why you twohearts people call it moonshine, everyone else on the planet calls it midnight, and the moon shines all the time.”

“I guess you're right.”

“And your measurement of time? Mooncrashing? There is no evidence the moon ever fell. It's still up there even if it isn’t moving.”

“Mooncrashing, means the time when the moon fell because a chunk of the moon fell down and landed pushing through the planet creating the mountains.” Lump intercepted.

“That's not how… Nevermind though that would explain why there are only two points higher than sea level and everything else is relatively flat, I don’t know what the words are in your language but the language from my original planet would call it where the ‘Tttqqqr’ and ‘Pmrrr Mmmddrnn’ meet. But anyway that carriage driver was named June Egyptan.” Kim Continued

“What about the Hurray Hurrah? What was that?” Lana asked.

“Ancient battle cry. It used to mean ‘So you have challenged me’”

“So he thinks by killing him you challenged him.”

“We both say it when we die, an homage to the first planet. A challenge to do better in the next life.” Kim suddenly says, “Hurray Hurrah.”

Kim then drops to the ground blood pooling around him the carriage driver… June Egyptan, was standing there holding a knife.

“So these are, The Great Kim Rioman’s champions, I’ll kill you in exactly three days' time.” He then leaped into the air and flew away.

Planet Six, Chapter Nine

Spoiler

Chapter Nine: City of Diamonds

Lana starts to sweat, rubbing her hands together and pacing across the entrance of the cave.

“Calm down Lana.” she whispers to herself over and over again.

Lump turns toward her. “Why are you pacing? We have three days to figure out a solution. We should spend it getting better at using Sixfruit.”

They began to walk deeper into the cave, their footfalls echoing softly.

“Kim said that they have been here for a thousand years, even a week would have been enough time to train and beat us.”

“Maybe us, but Parry could do things with the sixfruit we couldn’t do…” Lump stopped and reached out into the darkness by the wall and grabbed a seemingly normal rock and pulled Granite from the wall.

Granite squeaked something that sounded out of place from the eight foot tall rock man, “H-how did you do that? No one has been able to sense when one of my kind is camouflage.”

“I-I don’t know i just felt like something was out of place.” Lump replied

Lana looks closer at his hand seeing the last little bit of sixfruit juice drying up. “You still had some residue Sixfruit, maybe that's what allowed you to see him like what Parry was doing in your dream.”

“Yes but Parry did not have a Sixfruit on him.”

“Maybe you just could not see it?”

“You’re probably right.”

As they continued the walk Granite stuck closer to Lana, he seemed terrified of Lump and Lana couldn’t blame him he was scary while using the Sixfruit, he already had so much control after only about a day.

In the distance they could see a strange blue light coming from the end of the cave, as they got closer Lana could make out things walking around and what looked to be buildings in the walls made from diamonds.

“Welcome,” Granite rumbled as they neared the exit, it quickly ended into a drop off, “To Diamond the city of Shining Minerals.”

“This place is beautiful!" Lana cried out, “It looks just like your picture Lump!”

Lump just grunted and muttered “Pretty.”

“Um… you may have to pretend to be my prisoners.” Granite said from behind them

Lump spun towards granite, “No way!”

“You have to, Humans don’t just walk around here.”

Lana turned to Lump, “He’s right it's the only way.”

Lump grumbled but eventually relented and right on time another Yurin in what looked like a large spinny helmet.

“You there! Disgrace, are you letting two humans in here?”

Granite squeaked again, “I caught them trying to sneak in, im bringing them to Gold.”

The other Yurin who at a closer look seemed to be made of a marble looking substance, maybe Tavertine, Lana used it on the floors of the palace, grunted, “They don’t look like they would try to sneak in here, the female least of them both.”

Lana frowned and stepped forward but Grantite pulled her back.

Tavertine mocked Granite again, “Keep control of your prisoners or maybe I'll have to take them.”

“Don’t worry Tavertine,” Lana had guessed right, “Won’t happen again.” 

Granite jabbed her in the back, Lump got pushed forward a bit so she assumed he had gotten jabbed too. But Granite backed up when Lump scowled at him.

Granite then began to lead them off down the side of the cavern, the beautiful diamond buildings shining from a strange blue light at the top of the cavern. 

The pool, Lana assumed

They passed a strange stone statue with a bunch of different minerals poking from it from gold to iron, even some emeralds.

“What are those?” Lump whispered under his breath.

“If you find out it will be too late.” Granite whispered back, but Lana did not think that was much of a response.

They neared the bottom of the cavern and Parrys' cage came into view, “There it is!” Lana pointed out.

“Shh.” Granite and Lump hissed at the same time.

They stepped onto the hard stone floor of the cavern and walked over to the cage Lana could see Parry chained to the wall like the picture Lump had drawn.

Lump quickly walked over to the bars “Parry, Parry! We are here!”

Parry stood up in the cage; he was taller than Lana had originally thought, they had taken his shirt, his long stringy hair falling over his well defined abs. 

“Don’t touch the–” Lump reached out and grabbed the bars, “...bars.” Parry finished.

The sound of stone grinding on stone like something that hadn't moved in a long while started to move, Lana spun and saw all the statues along the walls start to move.

“You activated the sentinels! We have to get out of here!” Granite pushed past Lump and ripped the bars away from the cave.

Parry quickly stepped out and pointed toward a cave in the corner. “Through there!” and he took off running.

Lump and Lana quickly followed, behind them they could hear Granite's heavy footsteps, large rocks began falling from the sky Lana realized they were the sentinels throwing themself off when one of the rocks stood up and started running after them.

Lump tossed Lana a seed and threw a seed of his own forward and scooped up the plant crushing it in his hands and flying up, Lana copied him flying up herself.

“What do we do?” She called at Lump.

“You follow parry and give him a seed!” He throwed Lana another seed

“What are you going to do?”

“Slow them down!” He then flew towards a sentinel and lifted it into the air, throwing it at a falling sentinel. Both of them burst apart when they hit each other.

Lana flew after parry and tossed him the seed. “Lump said give this to you!”

“Thanks!” Parry shoved the seed into his mouth with a small handful of dirt he picked from the ground and suddenly he lifted into the air.

Lana gagged and kept flying, Parry swooped back and grabbed Granite shaking the sentinels that had grabbed onto him off, then shot into the cave Lana followed and after her Lump flew in and Parry punched the roof collapsing the entrance, and began to fly down the tunnel grabbing Granite again.

“Come on, there is an exit this way!” Parry called. Lana shot past Parry, her arms flailing and Parry grabbed her foot pulling her back. “Not too fast!”

Lump sailed past them with more control then Lana flying towards a faint light at the end of the tunnel they could hear the sentinels pounding on the entrance then a crumbling noise as they broke through the rock and started running at them.

Lump flew back into the darkness behind them and after a second she could hear fighting sounds.

Parry handed Granite to Lana and then flew back into the darkness as well a few minutes later Both Parry and Lump flew back up to her both covered in dust and there were no more running sounds behind them. Lana passed Granite back to Parry.

As they got closer to the exit Lump frowned and turned to look at Parry, he nodded back at him then they shot ahead into the light when Lana finally flew outside after them he saw all of them fighting several more sentinels, Lump in the air Swopping down and picking up Sentinels and throwing them at more sentinels at the ground Parry was plowing through rows of sentinels bursting them to dust.

Then she saw Granite laying on the ground, the light in his ruby eyes extinguished.

Planet Six, Chapter Ten:

Spoiler

Chapter Ten: Sentinels

Lump threw another sentinel hitting a different sentinel making them burst into pieces, it was satisfying. He saw Lana fly from the tunnel, and look around before swooping to the ground, he could not see where she was going but he could hear her sobbing. Lump lifted up slightly and saw what she was crying about, Granite was laying on the ground his body mangled.

“NO!” He yelled growing angry, he hadn’t liked the guy very much but no one deserves to die.

His internal Sixfruit Juice, he needed a better name for that, was running low his hands were starting to dry up, so he dropped to the ground he would use the rest to keep himself alive. He noticed Parry on the ground as well ramming into sentinels making them burst into pieces.

Lump tired to copy him running at a sentinel blowing them to pieces, he liked it but it hurt his shoulder so he decided into of ramming himself he would use another sentinel to ram them, he grabbed a sentinel that was running at him and braced his shoulder against it running at nearby sentinels bursting them.

His reserves were dangerously low now so the sentinels were not bursting as easily but the amethyst crystals protruding from the sentinel were making good replacements. He saw Parry grabbing a handful of dirt wondering what he was doing with it he kept watching him and he pulled a seed from his hair and put it in the dirt and then placed the dirt in his mouth and swallowed it a second later Parry was flying again.

Lump gagged, it was disgusting but effective he was glowing brighter than Lump or Lana ever had so lump picked up his own handful of dirt and pulled a seed from his pocket and swallowed them together. The coarse dirt scratched at his throat but he felt the Sixforce surge through him, and lifted back into the air.

He threw the sentinel he was holding, it burst through a couple of the last sentinels he flew at the last one and punched it, it burst apart revealing Parry on the other side who had also punched it. Parry smiled curtly and walked off towards Lana, his glow dimming so it just tinted his skin a bluish color.

Lump tried to focus on the glow making it not glow but accidentally made it glow very bright, making spots appear in his vision but after a second he figured out how to dim the glow. He followed Parry to Lana who was still sobbing holding Granites head in her lap.

Granite turned toward him when he walked up and nodded a silent affirmation, a “let me go”, an “it's my time.” 

Then Granite whispered, “The Seismic King takes me… I bid to this plane and move towards the next…” he closed his eyes and died.

The earth rose up around him and brought him under the ground leaving no visible evidence Granite ever existed.

Parry said something quietly, Lump could barely make it out, “May the Emerald eyes watch you depart in peace brother.” 

Lump was sure he had misheard him, before he could ask Parry interrupted him, “We need to leave there will be more sentinels soon,”

Lana looked up her eyes red from crying but she seemed to steady herself, “Where? People would freak out if they saw flying people.”

“Fourrivers, they know about the Sixforce, they will adjust quicker to having people like us there.” Parry said.

“People like us? There are more?” Lump asked.

Parry smiled then leaped into the sky, Lana leaped up after him Lump following, but he was worried had Parry called Granite brother or had he misheard him like he thought?

 

Edited January 6 by Belandrius Ohhmar

[First of the Tide He/him]

Awesome!

Do you want critique? or just showing it off?

[Belandrius Ohhmar He/Him]

11 minutes ago, First of the Tide said:

Awesome!

Do you want critique? or just showing it off?

Both 100 percent

[First of the Tide He/him]

Okay. punctuation/grammar in green (prob doesn't matter, since this won't be a final draft prob)

important comments in blue (like when I don't have any clue what's going on or you'vesaid the same thing 14 times)

unimportant things in purple

things done well in orange

if I'm talking about a longer section, it'll be underlined

overall notes at the end

keep in mind that any critique is just a suggestion, and only reflects my experience reading. take everything with a grain of salt. what works for me might suck for other readers, and vice versa

1 hour ago, Ookla the Bell said:

I present to you Planet 6 Chapter 1:

  Hide contents

Chapter One: The Begger

Lump Lorik walked down the road, the gravel scratching against his old leather shoes. He would have to get those replaced. Lump had just gotten off of work at the lumbermill, lifting logs. …Maybe a nice ‘steak’ dinner or a brussel of ‘broccoli’ What is a brussel of Broccoli? broccoli comes in heads usually, and brussels sprouts are a different food. if it's a linguistic thing that shows history of the character, this might be fine, but if so, it might be a little early for that

He was chuckling at his own joke, when suddenly a beggar leaped from the shadows and grabbed his shoulders, yelling “The Sixforce! The Sixforce! The Sixfoorrrccee!”

A palace guard ran up and dragged the beggar off of him, though he was still screaming about ‘The Sixforce.’lots of 'he's here, and it gets confusing Lump had heard of the Sixforce before. The religion Sixism believed that the Sixforce flowed through all life, and the Sixfruits and, the Sixdeer and, the Sixfalcons and the moon were all high concentrations of Sixforce. He looked up at the blue moon hanging in the sky, the same place as always. It never moved, but no one could figure out why.

“...bothering the kings. Sir? Sir?” The palace guard had been speaking to him but Lump had gotten lost in thought. Love that the paragraph of thought interrupted and took up real time. It can def. be done poorly, but you did it really nicely here

“Oh Sorry,” Lump replied then hesitated “Could you repeat that?”

“This man has been bothering the kings,” The palace guard said, clearly annoyed at having to repeat himself, “There was a thirteen tern reward for his capture.”This interaction feels off. Lump didn't do much to capture him. Is it a misunderstanding by the guard? Is the guard framing him for something? Is the guard just an idiot? 

The guard began rummaging through his pouchesWhy is the guard paying from his own money? and pulls out thirteen terns and places them into Lumps astonished hands, This–This is more than I make in a year! Maybe I can have that steak dinner!

“Th-thank you!” Lump clutches the coins and slides them into his side pouch. 

“Policy.” The guard grumbles and drags the beggar off. Made me laugh

Lump looked up at the palace before him and looked around. This wasn’t his normal route home. How did he even get here? Was he distracted? He thought oh well You are a little inconsistent with how thoughts are formatted. sometimes it has a 'he thought' beforehand, and sometimes it doesn't(see beginning) and continued to walk home to his house.

A couple of minutes later he stopped outside his small house, ready to walk in, when he saw the beggar that the palace guard had dragged off in the alleyway next to his house looking through his window. This sentence was very hard to follow

“Hey what are you doing!?!”

Lump instantly regretted yelling because the beggar turned towards him and began running right at him. Lump began running away, but the beggar tackled him.

“The Sixforce! The Sixforce!” The beggar's eyes begin to roll back in his head but he whispers one more thing before dropping, “Inside the Mountains!”

He falls unconscious on top of Lump, and Lump shimmies his way out from under him and walks back towards his apartment, hands shaking and enters.

The mountains? the Sixforce? What is he talking about? This feels out of place. Previously, Lump had known pretty well what the Sixforce was, but now he has no idea?

He reaches into his pouch to grab the terns, but they were gone. He ran back outside, but the beggar was gone. In his place was a world map. Lump lifted it up and looked at it. The mountains were circled. He knew strange people lived on the top of the mountains, but when he looked closer he saw strange figures looking like they were inside the mountain.

What is happening? Love this ending mystery feeling you've got going

Some overarching Ideas:

Was hard to follow, and a lot of that was the periods and commas were used incorrectly or not used where one was wanted.

I am really excited by the world building you've got going on, and I'd love to hear about the world or city beyond just the Sixforce.

You are jumping a lot between different tenses eg. he fell, he falls, he was falling

You've piqued interest with your plot really well, but I'm concerned you might be moving too fast. You should figure out how long the whole project is going to be, and how many stages in the plot there are. If you have a normal length plot and story, then maybe you should slow down by showing us the life of Lump.

 

 

[Belandrius Ohhmar He/Him]

17 hours ago, First of the Tide said:

Okay. punctuation/grammar in green (prob doesn't matter, since this won't be a final draft prob)

important comments in blue (like when I don't have any clue what's going on or you'vesaid the same thing 14 times)

unimportant things in purple

things done well in orange

if I'm talking about a longer section, it'll be underlined

overall notes at the end

keep in mind that any critique is just a suggestion, and only reflects my experience reading. take everything with a grain of salt. what works for me might suck for other readers, and vice versa

 

Thanks for the feedback!

[Mister Greyfire]

Hello, dear fellow 

You might recognize me but not here nor now, yet at a certain time and certain place will you know who I am. A distant friend from a close one, a male who took interest in all this, one hint: Meet over at the commons.

[Belandrius Ohhmar He/Him]

19 minutes ago, Mister Greyfire said:

Hello, dear fellow 

You might recognize me but not here nor now, yet at a certain time and certain place will you know who I am. A distant friend from a close one, a male who took interest in all this, one hint: Meet over at the commons.

Hi! thanks for taking intrest in my book!

[First of the Tide He/him]

Oh shoot I did not realize you posted more. Do you still want critique?

If so, i'll edit my original post so it's all in one place.

[Belandrius Ohhmar He/Him]

9 hours ago, First of the Tide said:

Oh shoot I did not realize you posted more. Do you still want critique?

If so, i'll edit my original post so it's all in one place.

Naw you don't have to do all that, it can just be a this is cool read it get interseted kinda thing

[First of the Tide He/him]

Awesome! read chapters up through #6 and i'm loving the characters

you might also consider posting it over on critiquecircle.com if you want critique on some longer work. If you do, be sure to tell me, so I can see it

(or Scribophile)

Edited December 22, 2025 by First of the Tide

[Belandrius Ohhmar He/Him]

Sorry it took a minute but chapter Nine is out now!