parody song (spoilers for anything Sanderson has published except isles of the emberdark)

[first of the minute of day she/her]

I'm writing a parody to welcome to the internet.

Here's what I got so far:

Spoiler

Welcome to the Sanderlanche 
Have a look around
Any hope you had of peaceful resolution will be dround

We've got mountains of pages
for you to traverse 
If it's a bit much for you, you wouldn't be the first

Welcome to the Sanderlanche 
Come and take a seat
on a rollercoaster, it won't stop till this book you complete
There's no need to panic 
This isn't a test, haha
just push or pull investiture will do the rest. 

Welcome to the Sanderlanche 
What would be your goal?
Would you like to fight for parshmen rights or rewrite your own soul?
Be whimsy 
Be Ruin
Be I am a stick
We got a million different people to pick 

Welcome to the Sanderlanche 
Put your birds aside
Here's a tip for flying space ships
Here's a nine-year-old who died
We got pilots and surgeons, and Toshers and kings.
And a bunch of suspicious crab Roaches running around spying on everyone relevant to the plot.
Welcome to the Sanderlanche 
Hold on to your glove 'couse the protagonist just killed the woman who used to be his love.
And it wasn't the first time he killed her once more
Don't act surprised you knew that theory from before 

See a girls breath stolen
Get a golden something 

Suggestions for better rhymes are welcome and so are corrections of misremembering things from books.

 

[First of the Tide He/him]

I love this! Surprised No one's commented on it yet. Do you need any help with the other lyrics?

[first of the minute of day she/her]

Update: finished the song 

Spoiler

Welcome to the Sanderlanche 
Have a look around
Any hope you had of peaceful resolution will be dround
We've got mountains of pages
for you to traverse 
If it's a bit too much for you, you wouldn't be the first

Welcome to the Sanderlanche 
Come and take a seat
On a rollercoaster, it won't stop till this book you complete
There's no need to panic 
This isn't a test, haha
Just push or pull investiture and then you can rest. 

Welcome to the Sanderlanche 
What would be your goal?
Would you like to fight for parshmen rights or rewrite your own soul?
Be whimsy 
Be Ruin
Be I am a stick
We got a million different people to pick 

Welcome to the Sanderlanche 
Put your birds aside
Here's a tip for flying space ships
Here's a nine-year-old who died
We got pilots and surgeons, and Toshers and kings.
And a bunch of suspicious crab Roaches running around spying on everyone relevant to the plot.

Welcome to the Sanderlanche 
Hold on to your glove 'couse the protagonist just killed the woman who used to be his love.
And it wasn't the first time he killed her once more
Don't act surprised, you heard that theory before 

See a girls breath stolen
Get a golden bag of sand
show a video of a future 
you invented by command 
Start a rumor, buy some noodles
send a map with funny doodles
 or tell a story about a poodle 
That wants to turn into lizardy kaboodle

Here's a million transportation options
You should kill your evil dad 
Here's why worldhoppers ignore you
Here's how to rebuild M-bots pad
Which Knights radiant order are you?
Take this quirky quiz
Odium sent the unmade to traumatize your kids

Could I invest you in Sanderson's 
Books of a kind
A bit of Sanderson's 
Books of a kind
You should read them, they're the best
world building fantasy you'll find
A little bit of the Sanderson's 
Books of a kind
Could I ivest you in the Sanderson
Books of a kind
A little bit of Sanderson's 
Books of a kind
You should read them, they're the best
world building fantasy you'll find
Brandon and the Sanderson's
Books of a kind

You know, it wasn't always like this
Not very long ago
Just before his prime 
Right before Robert Jordan passed, (he wrote the wheel of time)
Sanderson was Warbreaker
Elantris maker
A final empire or two
He set his sights and spent his nights
Waiting
For you, you, insatiable you
Mommy read you Harry Potter 
Obsession ensued
And you waited patiently 
For each volume's date due

Now look at you, oh
Look at you, you, you
Unstoppable, readable
Your time is now
Your inside's out
Honey, how you grew
And if we stick together
Who knows what we'll do
It was always the plan
To put these books in your hands

Hahaha
Could I invest you in the Sanderson?
Books of a kind 
A bit of Sanderson's
Books of a kind?
Go consume them
and then the rue the minute you made up your mind
to read the famous never ending
Books of a kind
Could I ivest you in the Sanderson?
Books of a kind
A bit of sanderson's
Books of a kind
You should read them, they're the best
world building fantasy you'll find
Brandon and the Sanderson
And  Brandon and the Sanderson
And  Brandon and the Sanderson
And Books of a kind 

 

On 11/11/2025 at 11:38 PM, First of the Tide said:

I love this! Surprised No one's commented on it yet. Do you need any help with the other lyrics?

Thank you very much,  you inspired me to finish the song finally.

Good name by the way

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

20 hours ago, first of the minute of day said:

Update: finished the song 

  Hide contents

Welcome to the Sanderlanche 
Have a look around
Any hope you had of peaceful resolution will be dround
We've got mountains of pages
for you to traverse 
If it's a bit too much for you, you wouldn't be the first

Welcome to the Sanderlanche 
Come and take a seat
On a rollercoaster, it won't stop till this book you complete
There's no need to panic 
This isn't a test, haha
Just push or pull investiture and then you can rest. 

Welcome to the Sanderlanche 
What would be your goal?
Would you like to fight for parshmen rights or rewrite your own soul?
Be whimsy 
Be Ruin
Be I am a stick
We got a million different people to pick 

Welcome to the Sanderlanche 
Put your birds aside
Here's a tip for flying space ships
Here's a nine-year-old who died
We got pilots and surgeons, and Toshers and kings.
And a bunch of suspicious crab Roaches running around spying on everyone relevant to the plot.

Welcome to the Sanderlanche 
Hold on to your glove 'couse the protagonist just killed the woman who used to be his love.
And it wasn't the first time he killed her once more
Don't act surprised, you heard that theory before 

See a girls breath stolen
Get a golden bag of sand
show a video of a future 
you invented by command 
Start a rumor, buy some noodles
send a map with funny doodles
 or tell a story about a poodle 
That wants to turn into lizardy kaboodle

Here's a million transportation options
You should kill your evil dad 
Here's why worldhoppers ignore you
Here's how to rebuild M-bots pad
Which Knights radiant order are you?
Take this quirky quiz
Odium sent the unmade to traumatize your kids

Could I invest you in Sanderson's 
Books of a kind
A bit of Sanderson's 
Books of a kind
You should read them, they're the best
world building fantasy you'll find
A little bit of the Sanderson's 
Books of a kind
Could I ivest you in the Sanderson
Books of a kind
A little bit of Sanderson's 
Books of a kind
You should read them, they're the best
world building fantasy you'll find
Brandon and the Sanderson's
Books of a kind

You know, it wasn't always like this
Not very long ago
Just before his prime 
Right before Robert Jordan passed, (he wrote the wheel of time)
Sanderson was Warbreaker
Elantris maker
A final empire or two
He set his sights and spent his nights
Waiting
For you, you, insatiable you
Mommy read you Harry Potter 
Obsession ensued
And you waited patiently 
For each volume's date due

Now look at you, oh
Look at you, you, you
Unstoppable, readable
Your time is now
Your inside's out
Honey, how you grew
And if we stick together
Who knows what we'll do
It was always the plan
To put these books in your hands

Hahaha
Could I invest you in the Sanderson?
Books of a kind 
A bit of Sanderson's
Books of a kind?
Go consume them
and then the rue the minute you made up your mind
to read the famous never ending
Books of a kind
Could I ivest you in the Sanderson?
Books of a kind
A bit of sanderson's
Books of a kind
You should read them, they're the best
world building fantasy you'll find
Brandon and the Sanderson
And  Brandon and the Sanderson
And  Brandon and the Sanderson
And Books of a kind 

 

Thank you very much,  you inspired me to finish the song finally.

Good name by the way

THAT'S AMAZING!!!!!!!!!