LightRinger’s… stuff I guess

[LightRinger he/him]

I’m going to post stuff here. Maybe magic, maybe arts, maybe magic systems that will go the highest bidder, maybe other thingses. 
 

But today

 

I have a rarity for y’all. 
 

Because in a seldom occurrence

 

I’ve written a thing. 
 

It’s a fake Editor’s note designed to go on the back of a book and after the title page. 
 

The book (that I will never write) is called “All Fall Down”

Here’s the writing, feedback is much appreciated. (Actually in my last writing forum I never got any corrections or negative feedback so please don’t be like them)

 

 

A Note from the Editor

This is an incredibly boring book. 
A remarkably boring book. I cannot overstate how immensely boring this book is. You should put it down and never come back.

Still here? Let me give you a few examples of how boring this book is:
The main characters are sisters named Rosie and Posy, like two stupid fairy tale characters.
They live in a small town named Havenville. Havenville, for gosh's sake!
Their best friend, Jimmy, is the son of a milkman. What kind of town has a milkman still?

Nothing interesting ever happens in Havenville; the sisters' favorite activities are reading and needlework.

This book is about the sisters' boring lives and their boring routines. Nothing remotely interesting happens in their lives, nor in this book.

That is, until the murder. 

Edited June 26, 2024 by LightRinger

[Through the Living Heir he/him]

Nice! That is much better prose than I usually write. I can’t wait to see and help with your ideas. (I may steal some of them. (Hey look, I can nest a bunch of brackets too!(Take that!))) 

How will we bid on the magic systems? 
Maybe you can write a shorter version of the story. (You are not the only one who never finishes writing projects. (Maybe I’ll make a writing thread too, so I can get some feedback.(Haha! More bracket nesting))) You have to make sure that people don’t actually put down the book, though. 

[LightRinger he/him]

22 minutes ago, Dragonheir said:

How will we bid on the magic systems? 

Either by most cool random thing that you don’t have to fulfill (e.g. a captive onyx hippogriff) OR by telling me a bit of the story you want to use the magic system for. 
 

Also, I say magic systems, but I’m also massively into creating stuff like unique worlds and science stuff (unless you would consider the spores from Tress a magic system (cause that’s definitely what I’m into creating (haha never, I’m the king of nesting parentheses and brackets [and will be for eternity {at least until I die}]))). 
 

That reminds me, worldbuilding time!

Alright, there are nine seas on the planet, all different colors, and only one (green) is drinkable, but it covers most of the world, and for most of the world, it’s what rains from the sky. All the seas have almost constant fog over them, and the fog (when bottled) has special properties. I’m going to break down the seas by color in a bit, but first:

Disclaimer: I don’t really know all the things about the rain cycle, especially with contamination between lakes and seas, so I’m haven’t figured that part out yet. I at least know I either want the clouds to be cool, or maybe no clouds at all. Moving on,

 

Green: like our normal water, but sweeter. You know how you always imagined the water at the Utter East in Narnia? That’s it. You can swim in and drink this. This is the only one where the fog will just collect and become droplets instead of staying fog while bottled  

Red: this will melt flesh. Like acid and lava, just stay away. Metal is safe short term, but wood and cloth will disintegrate. However, the fog will burn on contact, and singes the grass it passes over. Hard to bottle, but worth it, because most ovens (there is no electricity unless the writer who claims this wants there to be, but the ovens are stone or metal boxes that spray and infuse red mist over the food to cook it) use it. 
 

Side note: due to the unique sand that surrounds these seas and lakes without melting or cross contamination, the glass made from it can hold the fog without any problems. 

Purple: this fog hovers tens of feet above the water, and the bottles filled with it float just a little bit. People who drink this water have all died after a few days, but they are much lighter, sometimes even floating themselves before death. 

Those are the only waters and fogs I’ve worked through, except for a secret 10th black lake in the mountains that does something, dunno what yet. Lmk if you want to use the system. I have some cool cultural ideas for this world that I’ll PM to whomever is interested in writing within this world. 

 

 

[Through the Living Heir he/him]

3 minutes ago, LightRinger said:

Either by most cool random thing that you don’t have to fulfill (e.g. a captive onyx hippogriff) OR by telling me a bit of the story you want to use the magic system for. 

Ok. I need something to separate the magic stone fountain things the world is built on. Weird magic fog that kills you and breaks things down fits the bill. (Although I’ll probably change it a lot. So somebody else can have the actual world. [how is anyone not by green even still alive?]) 
Oh! I have an idea for blue fog! It pulls towards the fastest moving thing near it, which typically crushes the subject, but can be used for railgun-ish propulsion systems if released from just one direction. The water does something similar, but possibly in reverse; it covers stationary objects but pulls away from things that move fast. (This was inspired by lightning, but you said there’s no electricity, so I made it different) 

[CuratorOTL IG]

Oh my gosh.

That closer is perfect. Now immediately interested. As for critique... I don't really have any. Ad someone said above, the prose is better than what I usually write, so I can't really critique it much.

Excellent job